Only in Florida: Love Is a Game

February 8, 2018 | Posted in Editorial Features by jack-blackbush

They Really Push Each Others Buttons

In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.

When I was younger, I can remember the full joy and happiness that came over me when I got my first Nintendo. It was a magical moment and it sent me down a path of being a video gamer for rest of my life. I would spend hours and hours with my Nintendo and all the games, trying to master them. I guess you could say I loved my Nintendo and all the games until Sega came out. For one Florida woman, her love of Tetris is so powerful she's planning on marrying the cartridge. Meet Florida Resident Fractal Tetris Huracan (her real name is Noorul Mahjabeen Hassan) who is getting hitched to a Nintendo Tetris game.

Fractal spends up to 12 hours a day playing Tetris, with her love growing stronger by the minute.

‘I’m in love with the game himself and the cartridge is a vessel of presenting him,’ Fractal said. ‘Love is not something you can explain but it satisfies me and he’s just really beautiful - I find him so attractive.’

There is actually a term for this - it's called objectum sexual. It means that you are attracted to objects instead of people. Hey, if that's your thing I hope you find a Tertis game or toaster or dining room set that will love you as much as Fractal loves Tetris.

And don't worry, Fractal isn't going to let being married ruin everyone else's love of Tetris.

‘I’m in love with the game as a whole but I don’t care if others play him,’ she explained. ‘As long as no one else is trying to date him romantically or is more intimate than I am.’

And yes, Fractal knows the marriage isn't a real marriage.

‘The marriage aspect is purely ceremonial,’ she said. ‘Obviously I cant literally marry an object, it would just be me having a ceremony with Tetris.’

We can laugh, we can blow it off, we can act like she's crazy, but the thing is we all want a love like hers. A love that is so pure, so real that doesn't matter if people laugh at us. It's ours and we don't have to explain our love to everyone else. That's real love.

The couple is registered at Game Stop and Pottery Barn (not really).


Tagged in: only in florida , straight , tetris , video games ,