September 5, 2017 | Posted in Editorial Features by
In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.
As it has been said many times before and will be said many times after, being in love can make you do crazy things. Things you never thought you could do, like packing up and moving away to a strange land with someone. Things you never wanted to do, like settle down and have a family. And things you didn't even know you were capable of, like lying to the police about the whereabouts of your husband.
It was probably just another normal day at work for Suzy Fitzpatrick when police detectives came into the cellphone repair store she worked and started asking questions about her husband. Apparently they had a warrant for his arrest, claiming he took part in a robbery. Miss Fitzpatrick, being the loving wife that she was, quickly came up with a rock solid alibi: They were having sex with other people.
"That can't be my husband," Suzy Fitzpatrick said, according to the report. "That time, we was at a swingers club."
Of course, that only turned out to be half true. Upon being pressed further and being given photographic evidence of her husband committing said robbery, Miss Fitzpatrick changed her story. This time around, they went to the swingers club "Ranch 4 Play," got drunk together, left the club, went to the cell phone repair store, where three armed men forced her husband to steal a 65" LG 4K television, a Dell laptop, and five computer monitors from a home.
Turns out, that was also a lie. Well, at the least the forced robbery part. I don't think the police ever disproved the swingers part.
Hey, who hasn't lied for love? And when part of the story is true, it's not technically a lie. Love, it's one crazy trip.