July 10, 2017 | Posted in Editorial Features by
In my column Only in Florida, I'll be taking you down to the Sunshine State for the latest and greatest sex stories that can only be found in the craziest state in the union.
Stealing, vandalism, and breaking and entering are crimes whether you are naked or not. I think we can all agree that when a real crime happens, something that harms a person or personal property, we can all agree it's a crime. But there is one man in Florida who is doing something that may or not be a crime - I'm just really not sure. You see, this Florida resident is going around to cars in Home Depot parking lots and tying women's pantyhose on them.
Is it a crime?
The Flagler County Sheriffs is currently on the hunt for the Florida Man wearing ladies undies as he adds a little class to cars in various parking lots. They view him as a danger, but what kind of danger?
"To be so bold in the middle of the day to do something like this, we want to identify this individual so we can reach out to him and make contact," Cmdr. Steve Brandt said. "We don't know if this is a local person. We don't know if it's somebody traveling through town and stops in areas and does this," Brandt said. "It did happen over multiple days, so we think it's probably somebody in this area."
"This behavior in and amongst itself could be many different things, but we would like to identify this person and talk to them in case this behavior were to escalate into something else," Brandt said.
What would be escalation, I have to ask? Is this man going to start putting panties on cars? Perhaps a nice sun dress? Sure, it's probably a bit of a hassle and inconvenience to find some pantyhose on your car, but do they really cause damage? Are you or your car forever scared? Honestly, I'm not sure what the crime is, but I guess there is one. Or is there?