It’s A Knockdown, Drag Out Fight To Be The Next Dr. Ruth

Every generation needs its own aging sex educator. Us children of the 80s had Dr. Ruth and the late 90s and early aughts were ruled by Canadian dildo aficionado Sue Johanson. Well Millennials, looks like you've been blessed with dueling elderly saviors. That's them up there competing in the Mall Photo Pose-off.

Stella Ralfini (left) is a 67-year old couples counselor who regularly advises those she works with to try Kama Sutra positions, and recently dumped a 73-year old dude for not being "vigorous" enough. The Daily Mail (link below) profiled Ralfini, and she definitely needs you damn kids to get off her lawn.

She said: 'Young people today have a very fast food approach to love making, sex becomes like the rest of their lives busy, quick and when they can fit it in.

'Tantric love making doesn't have to be penetrative sex it can be about touch, eye contact, the exchange of saliva - we are about cuddling.

'Young boys and girls are exposed to so much sexual content, we need to do away with the lessons of pornography and stop young people learning bad sexual behaviours.

'They learn a horrible sense of urgency and a selfishness which means the act falls flat.

'In the home young people should be exposed to a copy of the Kama Sutra instead of the easy access to lads mags.'

In the other corner, Brit Shirley Conran (right) has one-upped her forebears by writing an incredibly explicit how-to tome on her personal website that's all about female pleasure. This info also comes to us courtesy of The Daily Mail, who recently sat down with Conran to discuss her magnum opus. 

Shirley, who coined the phrase ‘Life’s too short to stuff a mushroom’, declares: ‘Sex toys and plastic rabbits, anything that’s been purchased does not work for me. If anyone calls you frigid, he’s not listening to you. Kick him out of bed.

‘Whatever suits you, tell him. Whether he can accept that or not is up to him. Whether you then accept him or not is up to you.’

Writing on her personal blog under the headline Sex For One, Please, Shirley adds of such pleasure: ‘You are in charge of the situation, so you know what’s going on. There is no anxiety (my experience). You can use whatever images move into your mind, bidden or unbidden by you.’

‘On my last publicity tour, clearly some of the male journalists didn’t quite dare ask me at what age a woman stops having orgasms,’ she says. ‘This was a pity, because I had a reply ready: “Why ask me? I’m only 80 years old.”’

Good on ya ladies, but if you're going to one-up those who came before you, you'd better start pumping a dildo on TV soon...

Via The Daily Mail