Brett Rossi & Charlie Sheen Are No Longer Engaged

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In a shocking blow to romantics everywhere, Charlie Sheen has called off his engagement to recently retired porn star Brett Rossi. Rossi, whose real name is Scottine Ross, has dodged a literal bullet in this scenario, but has yet to release a statement. Sheen, on the other hand, couldn't wait to share his side of the breakup.

Sheen's statement, released via his publicist and reprinted by InTouch (link below), is breakdown worthy, so let's do this thing...

“Scotty and I had a great year together as we traveled the world and crossed a lot of things off our bucket list,” 

Right out of the gate I've got questions. What, precisely, is on Charlie Sheen's bucket list? What sorts of things does this guy have left to do with his time left on this planet?

“She’s a terrific gal, but we’ve mutually decided to go our separate ways and to not spend the rest of our lives together.”

It's sweet of him to think that their marriage was going to last the rest of their lifetimes, though, isn't it? Makes you realize that he's still a true romantic at heart. 

“I’ve decided that my children deserve my focus more than a relationship does right now,”

Which children, Chuck? The ones you sent to live with another ex and then kicked them all out of their home? 

Anyway, good on Brett. She's clearly coming out on the winning end of this scenario. 

Via InTouch