Netflix Picks: Babes Will Lead To A Watery Grave

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Just last weekend I was swimming in a nice lake when I cut my foot open on a mussel shell. "I'm never going back in the water!" I said to myself. Then I went home and watched two films that support my resolution, while also showing breasts and softcore sex and whatnot!

1. Blood Surf: Some daredevil entrepreneurs decide it would be awesome to surf through shark-infested waters, so they bring a crew of navigators and girlfriends and whatnot to a remote island, throw chum in the water, slit their feet open, and then surf on waves teeming with excited bloodthirsty sharks. Guess what happens next. Exactly! A thirty-foot long prehistoric crocodile shows up and starts eating the sharks. Oh, that isn't what you guessed? That's because the water is a murky and mysterious mofo who will surprise you by pulling monsters from "Lake Placid" and plopping them right next to you and your lover. Look for boobs (and even boobs used to lure evil pirates to their death) at 12:00, 15:00, 16:00, 28:00, 30:00, and 31:00.

2. 2-Headed Shark Attack: Carmen Electra and Brooke Hogan star in this tale of a Semester at Sea ship that gets wrecked off the coast of a tiny atoll. The surviving students and their professor make it to land, but they have to work on a way to repair their boat, send a distress signal, and/or not be eaten by the two-headed shark that's killing their comrades. Good luck with that! Things get worse when they realize that the atoll they're standing on is completely unstable, and constant earthquakes and tsunamis are turning their sole bit of land to crumbly bits. Things really take a turn for the bad when you realize that Brooke Hogan is the main character and gets to live through the whole film! Anywho, the whole movie is worth it for the threesome scene at 27:50 (which you can see above).

[At top: Threesomes make a tasty snack for the "2-Headed Shark Attack" (movies.netflix.com)]