Wet Spots

December 29, 2004 | Posted in Hardcore by jonnobot

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An extra-juicy helping of pornish miscellany today to make up for Monday's outage and our generally relaxed holiday posting schedule this week; 'tis the season, after all, and we thought giving you five golden rings just wouldn't cut it.

· Yes, it's another chance to score a gently used RealDoll on eBay. We're sure that small tear in the mouth won't effect your enjoyment—though we can't say the same about thinking too hard about how it got there. (eBay, via Gawker)

· In theory, a naked cooking show is a good idea; in practice, however, we'd be worried about oil splatters and nasty oven burns. Hope there's a good first aid kit in the pantry. (.wmv video @ TTR2 - thanks Chris)

· So, like, we don't always like blowing our own horn here at Fleshbot—but then, it's not every day we're named the Best Sex Website of 2004 by the Village Voice. Seriously, we're all a-blush. (villagevoice.com)

· Not only that, but Nerve says we're the equivalent of Jon Stewart as far as knowing our sex news is concerned—you can be too, providing you score as high as we did on their Year in Sex Quiz. Hey, it's our job to know these things. (Nerve)

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· No matter how good your Christmas was (or wasn't), we can still guarantee it wasn't nearly as interesting as Violet Blue's. How come Santa never leaves us presents like that? (tinynibbles.com)

· Then again, our Christmas might've been even more interesting than Violet's had we woken up to the merry site of porn on TV. We might've even turned off the Yule Log for that. (newsnet5.com)

· Be glad you didn't find an anatomically correct dog penis dildo in your stocking this year. (Or maybe you're disappointed that you didn't get one, in which case we're feeling even sorrier for you than you are.) (passiononline.co.uk - thanks Dave)

· Speaking of disembodied penises (animal or otherwise), we can't say we can blame John Wayne Bobbitt for freaking out and beating up his stepson after he discovered an unspecified sex toy in Bobbitt's bedroom—hasn't the poor guy had enough problems? (azcentral.com)

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· We've seen plenty of sexy newscasters in our time, but few approach the supermodelesque hotness of French anchorwoman Melissa Theuriau—good thing she's not broadcast here in the States, or we'd be glued to our televisions even more than we already are. (.wmv video and photos @ ryoni.com; lots more vidcaps @ cybersix.dyndns.org and jfkaps.free.fr)

· Melissa may not be available for personal in-depth reports, but don't despair: you'll always have Kathie Lee! (Geocities, via uberBitch)

· No amount of ironic barely-legal porn fantasy viral advertising can change the fact that these shoes are really, really ugly. Sorry, Mr. Cartillone. (areyoubadenough.com, via Screenhead)

· Actually, we've been looking for an original and distinctive stiletto-fetish shoe beverage holder for ages now ... and lo, we need search no longer! (liquidshuz.com)

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· Ever dependable, The Sun rounds up the UK's sexiest 2005 calendars. We think the The Admiral Nelson Real Ladies one is especially hottt. (The Sun UK, via sexblo.gs)

· A user asks the Metafilter community "Have you ever dated a Suicide Girl?"—and plenty of mudslinging, moralizing, mass generalizing, and hilarity ensues. (ask.metafilter.com)

· Anal sex? Some may say no, but we say ... hell yes! (analsexyes.com - thanks Karl)

· Or maybe you'd prefer to learn all about navigating the Hershey Highway via Shane's World's "College Guide to Anal Sex". We can but(t) imagine what the extra credit assignments are like. (AVN)

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· Do you have what it takes to be Britney Foster's "Bitch"? Well, if you have two breasts and a functional vagina, we'd say you're off to a good start. (hardcore photo gallery @ Hardcore Gossip)

· Finally, our spiked egg nog-saturated Drunken Stepfather points us to this helpful guide to sex with deaf hookers—because, you know, we find ourselves in these awkward situations all the time as well. (twelvefifteen.com. via Drunken Stepfather)

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