Porn Valley Dispatch: The Contenders

September 30 is the last day for you to submit 10 or so copies of your great porn movie to AVN for awards consideration. That leaves just over two weeks to shoot it. More about this year's contenders for AVN awards after la crevasse. - G. Ponante

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Of the 100-(very)odd categories, two of the most coveted are Best Film and Best Video, which many feel should be combined for practicality's and Pete's sake to Best Feature. "The arc of my sperm is more defined when let loose to three minutes of film versus high definition video," sniffs one purist.

Three contenders for the top spot have emerged over the past few months, each with its own particular brand of hype.

Digital Playground teamed up with Adam & Eve to produce "Pirates", starring AVN Awards host Jesse Jane, Carmen Luvana, Janine Lindemulder, and Evan Stone in a big fat porn homage to Disney's "Pirates of the Caribbean". "Pirates", which will stage a big premiere next week at Hollywood's Egyptian theatre, was such an homage that Disney politely requested that most of the poster art be destroyed, lest those looking for "Black Pearl"s find pearl necklaces instead.

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As proven by Count Chocula and disproved by Anne Rice, nothing is sexier than a vampire. Nic Andrews' "Dark Angels 2: Bloodline", shot this summer for New Sensations, features most of the gang from its predecessor, as well as wholesome tartlet Sunny Lane and a special dose of gravitas in the august person of Ron Jeremy. A New Sensations publicist almost became one of the undead when his truck flipped over on the way to covering the set, so this porn title, which is supposed to "scare the living hell out of you" (enough for my testicles to recede into my person? What's the point of that?) already has blood on it.

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Michael Ninn's "Catherine", for which every milestone in the filmmaking process was heralded by a gravely porn-tentious press release, actually looks good. This is confounding. The screeners released last week reveal a film that thwarts the low expectations a series of abysmal trailers generated. Oh, and Audrey Hollander is HOTTTT.

· "Pirates" (piratesxxx.com)
· "Dark Angels 2: Bloodline" (darkangels2.com)
· "Michael Ninn's Catherine" (ninnworx.com)