Well this sure is refreshing. Instead of being interviewed about holidays and sports and that nonsense, Zoo lets Melissa and Daisy duke it out with a series of their raunchiest sex stories! Sex in a tent, while driving, in a field, and even in a sand bunker on a golf course: these girls are dirty and willing to dish them deets.

Is it fair to say they discovered her? It depends how you feel about Christopher Columbus. Nabilla Benattia is a Swiss model and very popular personality on French reality TV. At least Zoo is quick to admit their tardiness to the party: “We’ve scouted the world for a new Kim Kardashian–but it turns out we should’ve just hopped on a cross-channel ferry…”

Mmhmm, guess you thought Nuts had it all wrapped up with the World’s 100 Best Boobs, huh? Wrong. Here comes Zoo with a list of the hottest women in the world–not body part specific or nothing like that–and they have one more woman than Nuts does. Shit is about to get so real on magazine stands around England.

First of all, we thought Peta Todd retired from the lad’s mag game. When did she come back? How did we miss it? We would’ve thrown a party or at least bought shots in her honor. Anyhow, gift horse, mouth, etc; what’s important is that she’s here and she’s sharing the 100 Rudest Film Moments with us. Don’t forget: rude is good!

Yes, Melissa Debling has great breasts. She is “very booby.” But you know what else she has? A pretty face. Why don’t we say she’s “very facey” or “totally faced-out” or “visagerific”? We can do this all day. Don’t even get us started on her shapely elbows.

“I don’t look like the typical Page 3 girl so I didn’t think I was going to win.” How so, Mellisa? “I’m different. I’m alternative. I’ve got five tattoos that mean absolutely nothing.” Does Page 3 require their Idol applicants to write essays explaining the significance of their tats? Because if so, we think that’s kind of brilliant.

The latest issue of ZOO is called “The X-Rated Issue” and features Alice Goodwin talking about her “X-rated” experiences while striking “X-rated” poses for the camera. What does that mean for you readers? What makes this spread X? We guess this is the closest we’ve ever been to seeing a lad’s mag model’s vulva. So huzzah for that!

It’s a very tiny phrase, almost thrown away at the beginning of Melissa’s interview with Zoo, but we point it out because we’re worried it might hurt other lad’s mag models’ feelings. How would Rosie Jones feel? Or Lucy Pinder? Why doesn’t anyone take their emotions into consideration?

Remember when Christmas was about spending time with family and friends, sharing good food, and exchanging gifts? Now those traditions are just the boring fluff you have to wade through in order to have nasty sex in red and white fuzz. So, invite grandma? Don’t invite grandma? It’s a tough call.

In this latest shoot for Zoo, Leah Francis goes totally naked and quickly gets to causing double-takes. Lad’s mags babes often draw on Girl Next Door archetypes to grab you by the gonads, but Leah says that isn’t her at all. “I’m too dirty for that!” she says. “I love the smell and feel of rubber and latex, even having a dentist’s rubber gloves in my mouth turns me on!”

Whether you just started your first year of university or whether you already have six degrees and you’re 100% done with education, you could probably stand to check out some topless college cuties. Fantasize about the future, relive the past, or play our guessing game! First up: which lad’s mag model recently graduated with a degree in environmental disaster management?

Far be it from us to disagree with the things that Alice Goodwin says–she is, after all, more often naked than we are–but we can’t fully get behind the idea that there’s nothing sexier than getting naked. What about being naked? What about planning to get naked? What about whispering in someone’s ear that you intend to get naked with them as soon as you’re done barbecuing this slab of ribs?

Do you remember a song called “Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)” from back in 2002? It was by Gabriela and Monica Irimia, twin Romanian babes who appeared on British reality show “Popstars: The Rivals.” Together, they’re known as The Cheeky Girls, and ten years after their smash hit song about butts, they’ve decided to go topless for Zoo.

Direct quote from the article: “One girl told me I had nice boobs. I said, ‘Yeah, they’re massive!’ and then whipped them out.” That’s how Ashleigh Hughes rolls. Don’t you just want to be her best friend?

The readers of ZOO Magazine have cast their votes and a winner has been chosen: Melissa Debling now has the best boobs in all of the land. She’s celebrated, she posed for some extra sexy solo pics, and now she has nothing but the fear she will someday be dethroned by her busty peers.

We knew the day would come when Katia Ivanova–the former “Big Brother” contestant and 23 year-old ex-girlfriend of guitarist Ronnie Wood–would have her pictures up in ZOO Magazine, but now that the day is here, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. We guess we’ll sit here and ogle her blondeness, her boobs, and maybe Ronnie’s age will enter our thoughts as well.

They say that when you quit drinking coffee or tea in the morning, you can eventually get a huge jolt of energy just from some good quality orange juice. The last time we put our caffeine habits on hiatus, we found that nothing got us out of bed except the sight of some enormous yet completely natural titties. Our morning boob consumption was pretty much out of control for a while there. (There may have been an intervention. We went back to caffeine.)

We know it’s not good to spend hours and hours in the tub, but that’s all we want to do after looking at these pictures of Alice Goodwin. Wrinkled fingers be damned! Oh, and by the way, we heard that Alice’s breasts are actually G-cups (also known as “Goodwin-cups”).

Why are we the last people to hear about ZOO’s Sexylikey videos? They find girls who look like famous girls, get them naked, and everybody wins. They’ve already done Jennifer Aniston, Audrina Patridge, Kelly Brook, and here–one of our favorites–Frankie Sandford of The Saturdays. We’ve seen Frankie’s panties a bajillion times; we’re overdue to ogle her clone.

But we ask you, are they really her boobs any longer? These aren’t just Sammy Braddy’s boobs, these are Britain’s Best Boobs–some doctors would even call them the World’s Best Boobs–and even though they’re attached to her body, we’re emotionally and psychologically attached to her titties! Sammy Braddy, why are you leaving the lad mag game?