Titillating and unlikely as any teensploitatin’ 80s film, the premise of “Revenge of the Petites” concerns the discrimination against one group of hot porny girls by a group of slightly taller hot porny girls. At a sorority.

We gaped with incredulity when we were informed that the script for ATKingdom’s “Revenge of the Petites” was 155 pages long.

“Will this be a 60-hour movie?” we asked.

“No,” says producer Kim Nielsen. “There are 3-4 hours of content on all our DVDs. But this is a movie about ancient rivalries and we aren’t going to skimp on the dialogue. I do not want people fast-forwarding.”

ATKingdom, a 16-year-old company newly-based in Van Nuys, bills itself as “The Home of the Girl Next Door,” hence the non-threatening nature of the plot.

We are standing in a high school courtyard near the 10 freeway in Los Angeles. Before us unfolds a crucial scene between Marie McCray and Skin Diamond of the Petites confronting their slightly taller persecutors, who have just had a masturbation competition.

“We’d like to pledge your sorority,” says McCray.

“Whatever!” the evil gaggle responds.

Strong stuff.

Directing a cast that also includes Celeste Star, Dani Daniels, Sativa Verde, Cassandra Nix, Riley Reid, Vanessa Cage, Lei Leeanne, and Katie St. Ives is Harry Sparks.

“I wanted this to have the feel of ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ and ‘Porky’s’ and all the coming of age sexy 80s movies,” he says, asking Celeste Star to turn her bejeaned vulva toward the camera.

“Revenge of the Petites,” with its long shooting schedule and massive cast, will enter a porn market that is already saturated with content featuring every member of this cast. What makes a movie like this different?

The sex scenes will be shorter but more frequent, says Nielsen, “and integrated into the story. It’s not going to be some window dressing.”

We are confident that any movie daring to tackle this ancient rivalry between taller and shorter women will stand at least a few inches higher than its competition.

· ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
· Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
· Above: Riley Reid, Zoey Kush, Skin Diamond, Leilani Leeanne, Ashley Jane,
Tia Cyrus, Marie McCray, Katie St. Ives, Nina Devon, Sativa Verte &
Celeste Star

Hayden Hawkens, Zoey Kush & James Deen
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
James Deen
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)

James Deen
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Vanessa Cage, Dani Daniels, Hayden Hawkens & Cassandra Nix
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Vanessa Cage, Dani Daniels, Hayden Hawkens & Cassandra Nix
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Victoria Rae Black & Marie McCray
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Marie McCray & Victoria Rae Black
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Marie McCray
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sarah Shevon & James Deen
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Victoria Rae Black
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Director Harry Sparks
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
James Deen & Sarah Shevon; Front Row: Vanessa Cage, Dani Daniels,
Cassandra Nix, Sativa Verte & Kris Slater; Back Row: Zoey Kush,
Celeste Star, Skin Diamond, Marie McCray & Ashley Jane
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Seth Dickens & Sarah Shevon; Front Row: Vanessa Cage & Dani Daniels;
Back Row: Skin Diamond, Marie McCray, Victoria Rae Black & Celeste Star
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sativa Verte, Vanessa Cage, Cassandra Nix & Dani Daniels
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sativa Verte, Dani Daniels, Cassandra Nix & Vanessa Cage
ATKingdom (atkingdom.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)

After the glory that was Nacho and the grandeur that was Angelina Valentine, we return to the embattled set of “Wasted” one last time for a truly disturbing pop shot perpetrated on the wholesome person of Brooklyn Lee.

The normally mild-mannered James Deen had been drinking all day and, denied more drink, had urinated on the windshield of a rental car.

But who hasn’t urinated on the windshield of a rental car? When I come to New York for the Fleshbot Awards in November, I’m'a piss on everything that moves.

What went way beyond the pale (and why we host this video ourselves rather than on YouTube) was the aftermath of a day of drinking and fucking in a Hell-hot warehouse in downtown L.A.

After servicing each other on a couch, Deen returns to Brooklyn Lee for some final smooching. We hear director Gazzman coaching the young lovers in the background when Deen delivers an unexpected second popshot.

We would be lying, Readers, if we said that all porn productions are this beset with difficulties, but enough of this drama happens every day for you to pause whatever you’re doing and think: What are those people feeling right now?

· Buy “Wasted” (harmonyvision.com)

Who knows why Angelina Valentine got so testy with the help on the set of “Wasted.” Maybe it’s because Porn Valley is a thousand degrees in July. She looks so good screaming, though, that we forgot to call an ambulance.

The world would be worse off if more people were this attractive; because I couldn’t get away with this.

As we’ve been demonstrating this week, most Hollywood insurance companies would just shut down a production if people started trashing furniture and stalking Volvos. But not in Porn Valley. When the margins are so low that not releasing a movie is not an option, productions put up with a lot of aberrant behavior in an effort to recoup expenses.

But it is so much fun to watch the geometrically astounding Ms. Valentine sweat out her aggression that we almost forgot the puncture wounds.

· Buy “Wasted” (harmonyvision.com)

In our final Nacho video from the troubled production “Wasted,” we get behind the wheel with Mr. Vidal as he trades words and touches cocks with Nick Manning, laments the condescension of English speakers, and gets real with a Volvo.

“I don’t like people,” Vidal says. “I like dogs.”

And who wouldn’t? The dude speaks six languages-with an accent, even-and he still has to take shit from Porn Valley hipsters who only speak English.

Then he gets in a driving showdown with a Volvo (he doesn’t speak Swedish, alas) and must carefully defuse Nick Manning’s assertion that they touched cocks during a double penetration scene.

It’s tough being Nacho in any language.

· Buy “Wasted” (harmonyvision.com)

Since we’ve had personal experience with batshit-crazy porn performers, we share this video of Nacho Vidal attacking one photographer and menacing another not to imply that Vidal is batshit-crazy, but to scoff at that crap camera.

Tensions can run high on a porn set: bad directions to sketchy locations with no cell service, the volatility of lust in a mercenary environment, poor management of time, and no Pepperidge Farm craft services goldfish left.

We’re not quite sure what set Nacho off that day in July on the set of Harmony Films’ “Wasted,” but we do know the camera has been replaced and the photographer has been compensated for its loss and apologized to. By comparison with other incidents in our memory, that’s pretty classy.

Keeping in mind that it is often the personalities in porn that sell the movies rather than just the interchangeable parts, Harmony has decided to release “Wasted” along with the backstage footage from the ill-starred production. Later we will show you Nacho’s driving habits as well as a truly epic tirade of boobs and geometry from Angelina Valentine.

· Buy “Wasted” (harmonyvision.com)

A lot of sweat goes into porn movies. Sweat and other things. I spent about a year last month following the production of what would become Harmony Films’ “Wasted,” a violent, lawsuit-bedecked, spit-drenched trainwreck of a movie. Here’s Part One.

Nacho Vidal has been in porn 17 years. A father, husband, and world traveling polyglot, he also doesn’t give a fuck. We watch as he arrives at the classy offices of L.A. Direct, the porn world’s biggest talent agency, to lay one on Derek Hay (aka Ben English), L.A. Direct’s owner and a performer himself, about a scene partner who didn’t want Nacho to sweat.

It is difficult not to sweat in a porn film, and Nacho, dressed like a toddler, vents his indignation to Hay, who blithely offers that everything must be perfect in Spain.

This interlude teaches us that people need to complain every once in a while just to feel heard. Porn is, after all, about feelings.

Today’s is the first in several backstage videos from this troubled movie, starring Vidal, Nick Manning, James Deen, Angelina Valentine, Megan Coxxx, Brooklyn Lee, and Aiden Starr doing all manner of dirty things. I got permission to release them because Harmony, accurately or not, surmises that all publicity is good publicity.

· Buy “Wasted” (harmonyvision.com)

Sometimes the best photographs of Porn Valley’s Greatest Natural Resource don’t end up on the boxcover. For example, doesn’t the stunning Brooklyn Lee look even stunninger framed by James Deen’s knees?

Speaking of James Deen, here he is at Kink.com’s cavernous garage in San Francisco.

Upstairs at one of Kink’s webcam rooms, a model gets ready for a session.

I know that, ultimately, porn is just a job, but that would not be one of the first ten expressions on my face if it were me grabbing Skin Diamond’s hair (on set at Kink.com’s intriguing Bound GangBangs), or Skin Diamond’s anything.

Seriously. Brooklyn Lee. God Damn. Doesn’t she look like a more mobile Sophia Loren? (on set for Gazzman and Harmony Films)

Finally, I know why the caged Aiden Starr sings (but am contractually bound not to clarify).

It was but a year and a half ago when we first stumbled upon this delightfully dreamy masturbation video starring Sovereign Syre. Back then, who could have predicted that one day we’d be standing on a porn set with the fetching lass as she prepared to lose her porno virginity?

Oh sure, we fantasized about the possibility. We dreamed it might come true. But never for a moment did we really think that we might spend a sunny July afternoon in the Valley, chatting up Sovereign and Dylan Ryan as they prepared to shoot Sovereign’s first ever hardcore scene (which, by the by, will appear in Nica Noelle’s “My Sister Celine.”).

What was it like? Well, it’s hard to communicate an experience so glorious—so for now, we’ll just share a few behind the scenes pictures. And if these whet your appetite for more…well, stay tuned for interviews with Sovereign and Dylan, all about what it’s like to lose your porn virginity (and take someone else’s, too).

· Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)

Lux Alptraum watches Dylan Ryan
Photo by Joshua Darling, courtesy of Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
Lux Alptraum and Dylan Ryan
Photo by Joshua Darling, courtesy of Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
Sovereign Syre and Dylan Ryan
Photo by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sovereign Syre and Dylan Ryan
Photo by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sovereign Syre and Dylan Ryan
Photo by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sovereign Syre and Dylan Ryan
Photo by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sovereign Syre and Lux Alptraum
Photo by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
Sovereign Syre, Dylan Ryan, and Lux Alptraum
Photo by Joshua Darling, courtesy of Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)

Or: The Doctor Is In Cassandra Cruz. Whichever way you like your commas, it is a breath of fresh air to walk into the examining room and see saucy New Yorker Cruz ready for treatment.

Cruz was in town for a speculative scene with Nick Manning (“What do I do with all these heavy implements?” he asked. “Oh, I know”) for Harmony’s “Megan Coxxx: Nymphomaniac” in which he was in a tuxedo and she was mostly naked.

Come to think of it, did that setup make sense at all?

Standing a few feet away, I remember thinking, “that examining chair provides good lumbar support for both participants, and the petite Cruz can have better leverage with the tallish Manning.”

Still, what kind of HMO must Cruz have to get such personalized attention, or do all hot and dusky women enjoy the same service?

Manning was less enthusiastic.

“I’m glad they’re tearing this place down,” he said (It’s true; the old Santa Fe Railroad Hospital, used exclusively for filming since the 1980s, is going to be torn down shortly to make way for housing). “The floor is filthy.”

I am grateful to Cruz who, in the last shot of this series, acted as if I were the only person in the room.

· Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)

Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)

Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)

The sex parties in Stanley Kubrick’s “Eyes Wide Shut,” regardless of the versions we saw, seemed grim and joyless. Not so this real porn retelling from Harmony’s “Megan Coxxx: Nymphomaniac,” in which Lexi Belle squeaks with delight.

If Lexi Belle is capable of appearing less than delicious in a picture, Science has neither discovered it nor am I willing to write my Member of Congress to fund such lunacy.

Here is Belle with Tony DeSergio (and Ms. Coxxx herself, of whom much will be said later) in a dusty boiler room in Los Angeles. Directed by Gazzman, the amenable Brit DeSergio mixed some film metaphors with his sartorial homage to both “Eyes Wide Shut” and “A Clockwork Orange.”

The petite Belle and the statuesque Coxxx gamboled on an examining table (and DeSergio) before the latter was allowed to come on them several hours later. It ain’t Tom Cruise money, but I get the feeling DeSergio enjoyed it more.

“Megan Coxxx: Nymphomaniac” will be released later this year.

· Harmony Pictures (youngharlotsacademy.com)

Harmony Pictures (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Harmony Pictures (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Harmony Pictures (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Harmony Pictures (youngharlotsacademy.com)

There are many things going for the recently-wrapped production of “A Wet Dream on Elm Street.” We can’t say enough about the special effects makeup and impish evil of Anthony Rosano as Freddy. But Giselle Leon’s nipples. God Damn.

Why Ms. Leon was wearing that outfit as Freddy Krueger’s parole officer, and why his jail cell wasn’t locked, is all part of the willing suspension of disbelief we must grant the Porno Industrial Complex for all the myriad joys it gives us.

Plus, Giselle Leon’s nipples.

“Yes,” she says when pressed. “People seem to like them.”

Her nipples are so big and expressive and flesh-colored that they seem to have been taken from another part of her body, as if they were the first nipples crafted from labia.

It was for this reason that the Freddy/Parole Officer sex scene seemed far more gentle, loving, and wholesome than one would expect from a nightmare character. Even Leon’s butt cleavage was pristine and transcendent.

Directed by the pristine and transcendent Lee Roy Myers, “A Wet Dream on Elm Street” will be released later this summer by Tom Byron Pictures.

· Tom Byron Pictures (evolutiondist.com)

Tom Byron Pictures (evolutiondist.com)
Tom Byron Pictures (evolutiondist.com)
Tom Byron Pictures (evolutiondist.com)
Tom Byron Pictures (evolutiondist.com)

While sex salon doyenne Dr. Susan Block celebrated her birthday by spanking the resilient asses of some of Porn Valley’s most nubile and submissive starlets, she made sure to ease their torments with a chinchilla glove.

“It might not be the most politically correct tool,” said the good doctor, whose Radio Suzy web show features a live studio audience, international callers, and regular guests and drop-ins like Lily Cade, Sinn Sage, Ela Darling, Rubber Necro, Sasha Sweet, Charity Bangs, and Katie Kinns, “but it feels wonderful.”

Dr. Suzy’s show, with its overarching “Peace through Pleasure” theme, is a blend of Warhol Factory/”Beyond the Valley of the Dolls” freakout, Porn Valley hoedown, and master class on the stimulating habits of the randy Bonobo, delivered from Block’s 4-poster bed as if “The McLaughlin Group” were clothing-optional.

We will not speculate on Dr. Block’s physical age, but only say that the things she can get eager 19-year-old women to do would put to shame many a dirty old man.

· Dr. Susan Block (drsusanblock.com)

Dr. Susan Block (drsusanblock.com)
Dr. Susan Block (drsusanblock.com)
Dr. Susan Block (drsusanblock.com)
Dr. Susan Block (drsusanblock.com)
Dr. Susan Block (drsusanblock.com)

That Pippa Middleton really stirred things up. Last weekend a group of American and British porn stars gathered in a posh London club and, within minutes, the only thing separating them was their language.

It’s been way too long since The Grimace has appeared to shield Fleshbot Readers from any front-page gapitude.

The occasion was James Deen’s trip to London to shoot a “Young Harlots” movie for Harmony Films.

Next door was the grand re-opening of the Playboy Club.

“I decided to throw a free party,” says director Gazzman. “That’s free drink, free entry, and a free goody bag for the girls.

“This means I can pretty much guarantee a big crowd and get them drunk really quickly in order to create the perfect party film atmosphere. Something Hugh Hefner thought of, except his party comes complete with rioting feminists protesting outside…oh and a £15,000 membership fee. So just a little bit different then.”

The great thing about London is that there aren’t porn parties every week, so the natives didn’t know to swarm around the public sex with their iPhones and tongues out. (And bottle service hasn’t caught on there, either.)

Frolicing uninterrupted in the loo were Kit Cox and Tony DeSergio.

It turns out, though, that the couch was the place to be, as James Deen helped to move Megan Coxxx onto a white couch using just two fingers, then Coxxx blew Kai XXX on the same couch, and then Danny D and James Deen serviced Lou Charmelle in the indentations left by Coxxx.

Then, to lay waste to the idea that a class struggle exists in Britain, Paige Fox blew the DJ.

“London has been struggling to come out of its shell since the Blitz,” says Gazzman. “And I’m hoping people like Paige helped.”

· Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)

Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)
Young Harlots Academy (youngharlotsacademy.com)

Sunny Lane spends so much time pleasing people professionally (in addition to her porn and dancing work, she is also a legal escort in Nevada) that we sometimes despair that she ever pleases herself.

“They come to us to learn,” says Lane of huddled masses of Americans whilst cupping her own breast. “I like to help people out.”

When Lane is in full-on porn mode, her smoky voice is about an octave higher. But occasionally the pixie mantle falls and she is once again the competitive ice skater from Florida, and we can hear it in the way she addresses her own vagina.

“Fuuuck,” she says.

The interesting thing about the “Flying Solo” disc upon which this interview appears is that each of the women is speaking with the non-gropey Erica McLean, smiling like the madame of a softcore bordello with a flower in her hair.

But it is the entertaining and no-nonsense photographer Chris King we hear in this backstage video, a very informative document of the mechanics of a porn shoot. We also learn that, for all Lane’s sweet accessibility, she means business.

· Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
· Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)

Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)

Pride of Tegucigalpa Emy Reyes says that, in her native Honduras, she was not allowed to talk about masturbation. “We couldn’t say anything about sex until we were married,” she says. “And then it was too late.”

Last July Reyes sat on a comfortable deck chair overlooking Sunland, CA and went at herself until her squishings were heard throughout the Valley.

After Honduras, Reyes and her family moved to Miami, where presumably there were more people with whom she could speak about the Down There arts. It was there she learned the difference between simply coming and an orgasm.

“I start with my nipples,” she says, “and after 15 minutes I can come. Then I keep working until I have an orgasm.”

We were there that sweltering day, and admit that we can’t hear Britney’s “Piece of Me” any more without thinking of Emy Reyes.

· Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
· Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)

Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)
Metro Movies (metromovies.com)
Buy “Flying Solo” (tlavideo.com)

So what if you can’t go to Dennys’ “Baconalia”? If evil extraterrestrials make Earth uninhabitable and only a few survivors escape to Mercury, it takes the edge off if they’re Wicked Girls, doesn’t it? Plus, it won’t be a sausage party.

“Horizon,” which refers to the ship fearless Cap’n jessica drake pilots in her quest to save what is left of Earth’s goodies before the ragtag, fugitive (now wait a minute…) fleet of survivors heads off to another habitable galaxy in 2097, is the first original space porn ever.

Writer/director Sam Hain (who released “Star Trek: The Next Generation” with New Sensations last week) approached Wicked with a high-budget concept that finished six days of filming this weekend. “Horizon” will be released in a few months as one of the company’s major 2012 AVN award contenders.

There have been a few original post-apocalyptic porns, most notably Adam & Eve’s 2008 “The 8th Day,” as well as original science fiction, like Eli Cross’s “Upload” and Wicked’s own “2040,” but “Horizon” will be the first space-based and original porn that deals with sex among a few hot people after most of the competition has died.

“It’s like ‘Battlestar Galactica’ meets ‘Solaris,’” said Hain on Friday, just before a pair of 17-hour filming days.

Joining drake and fellow Wicked contract performers Kaylani Lei and Alektra Blue in space are Misty Stone, Kimberly Kane, and Bobbi Starr, as well as Andy San Dimas, Rocco Reed, Bill Bailey, and Tony DeSergio and a gaggle of military extras who deal with mutants in the desert.

The production shot in downtown Los Angeles for five days and one in the high desert near Lancaster, CA.

“This movie amazes me,” says drake. “I am really proud of it. It’s going to blow you away.”

[Above photo by Jeff Koga]

· Wicked Pictures (wickedpictures.com)

One of the most satisfying things about Dylan Ryder’s “Katwoman” suit is how angry and insistent her boobs seem when finally sprung from their rigid, shiny enclosure. Well, two of the most satisfying things.

Readers, I can’t tell you how this movie is going to be from the five hours I spent on Bluebird’s massive “Katwoman” set the other day, because I was lulled by the sound of Ryder walking around the studio in her well-lubricated industrial catsuit.

Bluebird owner Paul Chaplin was pulling double duty as The Jo-kerr, and British vixen Gemma Massey played the Jo-kerrette in a costume inspired, Makeup Lady Melissa said, by Helena Bonham Carter in “Sweeney Todd.”

Director Nicholas Steele filmed a scene in which Ryder attempts to interrogate the loony Jo-kerrette but instead makes a deal with the Jo-kerr (I was not able to find out why Bluebird was especially litigation-averse in their choice of awkward parody names, when other studios seem to be veering away from that with simple disclaimers).

Chaplin played his character like a Jack Nicolson-vintage Joker, and Massey channeled every crazy HBC character from Ophelia to Bellatrix LeStrange to Tim Burton’s version of Angela Lansbury.

But will Ryder have to take off that whole getup for her inevitable sex scenes?

“No,” she says. “There’s an easy access hole.”

So if women in straitjackets or other restrictive clothing present a delightful challenge for you (especially if they’re also in cages), look for “Katwoman” some time this summer.

· Bluebird Films (bluebirdfilms.com)

While Bobbi Starr is someone who gets her kicks above the waistline, Sunshine, it is nice to know that she also knows how to get a handle on the entrancing Kate Kastle in this scene from Nica Noelle’s “The Masseuse.”

Kastle plays a client of newbie masseur Starr who invents some cockamamie story about being brokenhearted due to a recent breakup in order to get some vaginal relief. Fleshbot recently visited the Encino set of Noelle’s “The Masseuse,” which she directed for sweet Sinner.

Starr has just been counseled (by Asa Akira) that “happy endings” are not in this exclusive spa’s repertoire, but Kastle’s bewitching Girls-Only-Performer eyes make short work of her Licensed Massage Therapist’s resolve.

Soon, the two women are locked in carnal embraces full of empowerment and free-spiritedness.

“I get the feeling Kastle’s character does this all the time,” I said to writer/director Noelle, of whom I only ask the most probing questions.

“You may be reading too much into it,” she said.

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)

Long ago, when director Sam Hain invented the concept of the “Dark Parody” with “The Sex Files,” well, perhaps we grieved. But that movie was so good that we eagerly await his just-wrapped porndaptation of “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”

“The script is canonical, so it was designed to appeal to real fans of the show,” says Giles, a British actor whom Hain met at a Star Trek convention in Las Vegas and cast as Jean-Luc Picard, the role that made Patrick Stewart even more famous than did “Excalibur.”

And Giles is a dead ringer for Picard in both voice and hair (though the actor does not “engage” in a pornic fashion; those duties are performed by a relative newcomer named Xander, who also plays Data).

Like that of “Sex Files,” the script for “Star Trek” is a little bit of fan fiction that might have fit in a gap between episodes of the original show. The Enterprise receives a strange signal from a a deserted planet, and encounters a box containing a cryosleeping Tasha Yar (India Summer in the Denise Crosby role).

Again, had we not seen the formula work in “Sex Files,” we would have been dubious about a porn parody not played for laughs. But certain long-smoldering romances suggested by the show (like that between Picard and Dr. Crusher-here played by Kimberly Kane in another red wig) are played out with the poignancy all fanboys appreciate.

Bobbi Starr as Dr. Leah Brahms toying with an iPad (she is playing the game “Sneezies”), Dana DeArmond as Ro, a remarkably compact April O’Neil as Counselor Troi, the grave and dependable Tyler Knight as LaForge, menacing space pimp Lee Bang as Worf, and Rocco Reed as Riker are all brilliantly cast, with DeArmond, Reed, O’Neil, and Giles the winningest lookalikes.

This 4-day Revolution X/Digital Sin shoot (with an additional day of greenscreen space battles) is an expensive one, but all that cash, along with gallons of what we might delicately call “jizz,” will be “on screen.”

· A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com)
· Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)

A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)
A XXX Parody (axxxparody.com.com)
Photos by Jeff Koga (kogafoto.com)

It’s an accepted fact among the staff of Fleshbot that the best AVN parties are inevitably thrown by Fleshbot Supreme Commandress Joanna Angel. Curious as to why that is? This LA Weekly photo gallery should provide you with the answer.

And trust us: as crazy as this looks, it’s not even the half of what went down that night. No, if you want to see that (and find out how hard your editrix likes to party), you’ll have to come out to Vegas next year and see for yourself.

· See more at LA Weekly (laweekly.com)