We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking those clips of Pihla Viitala from “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre” were great, but they weren’t enough to quench your thirst for this foxy Finnish babe. You know how we know what you’re thinking? We’re thinking the same damn thing.
Oh no! Someone’s using the shower at the beach and Jennifer Nicole Lee can’t get her spray on! Not a problem. Jennifer has a backup plan: a gallon of water in a jug. It’s only gonna take a few quick splashes to get this show back on the road.
We know you have places to go and stuff to do, but if you could just slow it down for a moment, you’d feel right as rain. Instead of running around and scrubbing like a maniac in your shower, you should sit down and sensually pour water all over your bod. You’ll feel like a goddess!
See Justine Joli and Heather Vandeven get wet at Stagg Street
Think about how far swimsuits have come over the years. They used to be full-body numbers you had to don in bathing machines before being pushed into the ocean, and now we have string bikinis so skimpy you’d swear they were made from guitar strings. What does the future hold? Look at Monika Jagaciak for the answer: tits out, suspenders up, sexual tension everywhere.
Right now, a lot of people are saying things like “Damn, Katharina Damm!” and that’s fine, but we’re not going to do that. No, instead, we’re going to say, “Hey, Katharina, your breasts are shaped like beautiful little zeppelins. Thanks for putting them out there! Also, are you still dating Jared Leto?”
Did you catch “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”? Perhaps you didn’t want to watch a story about a badass Hansel who has diabetes after being force fed candy as a child (we think it makes him a uniquely interesting hero). Anyhow, you missed a young witch getting buck ass naked in a pool in the woods and hooking up with Hansel.
How does our dear Leonardo unwind after a day of defending himself from (perhaps not so bogus) sodomy charges? He works out a way to make a camera obscura project an image of the judge having sex with a pig onto the skies above Florence. But when he’s done with that, it’s bathtime with Lucrezia! Look at her body steam.
No, she doesn’t really have a sex tape, but she does play herself in “He’s Way More Famous Than You,” in which she tries to make her star rise by filming herself screwing her boyfriend (sounds familiar). In some twisted way, it’s almost like Halley has a sex tape, but it’s not enough to earn this post a “sex tape” tag.
A luxurious hottub teeming with beautiful babes whacking off in turn — is this heaven? Perhaps. And hey, it’s Friday, so we may as well besmirch the name of a charitable drive all for the love of lesbians. It’s not like we’re a stranger to besmirching, as it were. And when it comes down to it, we think a Toys for Twats initiative would be pretty successful…
People remember “Parker” best for the dynamic duo that is Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez, but even though they had that one kinky “Prove you aren’t wearing a wire” scene together, they don’t get the chance to have a relationship. Why? Because Statham already has a girlfriend, and he’s loyal to her, and he dreams of taking sexy showers with her. Such is the allure of Emma Booth.
“Lotus Eaters” is essentially the story of bored rich kids trying to stave off malaise with drugs, sex, and jet-setting. It’s easy to blame the vapidness on the age of the characters (they’re all Millennials, whatever that means), but we think this movie shows us that people of every age solve their problems with the same set of tricks. How many generations have tried to find happiness by bathing five at a time in champagne and liquor?
We love tide pools! They’re tiny, rich, isolated worlds that come alive with the rhythm of the waves–just like Miranda Kerr. She might not have sea anemones and hermit crabs scuttling around her, but she still makes a very important dent in the sand, and we’d love to dip our hands into her cool, refreshing, educational waters.
One of the first images we saw of Thandie Newton in DirecTV’s “Rogue” was of her having some serious, contemplative alone-time in the shower. How appropriate it is that now, in the sixth episode, she takes a shower with crime boss Jimmy! We wouldn’t exactly call this full circle, but it certainly feels like an appropriate turn for this show to take.
How is Jon Snow (that has to be one of the plainest and yet silliest names in “Game of Thrones”) to prove his loyalty to the Free Folk? Don’t worry about that. Ygritte has him covered, or more to the point, totally naked in a secret cave with hot springs and a waterfall and steamy sex. If only we could have a chance to prove ourselves to the wildlings!
The allure of gaining access to the women’s locker room is not new. But now, thanks to these Polaroids, instead of gazing through a peep-hole like the little pervert voyeur you are, you can just walk around freely and take in all the hot bare flesh of Lauren Young and Kelley Ash as they relax after a sweaty workout.
It’s fun for the whole family! Although we don’t know if we’d want to play against Aiden Ashley… she’s so good she’d be hard to beat. But hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, and then we can all beat off together. That’s a total win-win.
Good on you for giving it a shot though! You have all the basic tools needed to slip and/or slide: a plastic sheet, some moisture (or in this case, lubricant or oil), and an extreme love of the belly flop. You just need to spread that sheet out and give yourself a running start. You’ll get it next time, girl. In the meanwhile, you are looking so hot.
Though brief, these moments with Anna Maria Sturm have been enlightening. Never before have we appreciated the strange geometry of goggles and a snorkel on the face of a beautiful, topless, German actress, but now that we know about it, we’re going to buy a whole new set of costumes for the bedroom. Don’t even get us started on fins and flippers.
