Strippers hanging out with thugs, criminals spending their free time in strip clubs, private dances turning into assassinations: these are classic tropes of the modern crime film. We’re so used to seeing fake breasts and angry, muscly men next to each other that we’re surprised no one’s saved time and made a movie about a bodybuilding stripper mob. But spanking? That’s a fresh treat.

Samantha looks like one of the girls from Robert Palmer’s “Addicted to Love” band taking a break to puff on a flower with her tits out. If she were smoking a cigarette, we wouldn’t be nearly as infatuated with these pictures (not that we have anything against cigs), but that flower adds an extra level of surrealism to this straightforward shoot.

Poor Sammy Smalls (Cristin Milioti) has a crush on a boy who thinks she’s too immature and sexually inexperienced to date. Sammy, don’t listen to that nonsense. You just take your grandma, hit the nearest pool, and go for a naked swim. The water finds you wise, womanly, and sexy as hell. We are inclined to agree with it.

‘Kay, we’re not sure how much luck a single penny can bring you. But a gaggle of babes? That shit’s quantified.

Are you familiar with El Grace? Well, if you were cool and living in New York you would be. (We’re not.) Fortunately, all the familiarity you’d normally gain from a year’s worth of jamming and partying with El Grace can be gained by browsing Terry Richardson’s Diary, where this young model/musician/photographer/mega-babe is quite naked.

No, you’re not still dreaming, that is indeed a young Russell Crowe. And if you’re thinking of the Danielle Spencer who played Dee Thomas in “What’s Happening!!” back in the day, you’re thinking of the wrong Danielle Spencer. You need to get your head on straight. It’s Wednesday and there are Australians having sex right in front of you.

Just because she’s dressed like she’s on “Baywatch” doesn’t mean she’ll be jumping in the water to drag your ass to the shore. It depends: are you cute? Do you think she’s cute? Would you be willing to polish her sunglasses and brush the sand off her nipples? Do you even remember what “Baywatch” was like as a TV show? We sure don’t.

It feels like only yesterday we were hearing about this newcomer Beth Humphreys and ogling her huge tits alongside other fresh faces. Now look at her! She’s introducing new name into the lad’s mag circuit–better yet, she’s licking the new talent to see how they taste.

Danielle, darling, your freckles are the bomb. We’re also big fans of your inverted nipples, but dollars to donuts, we’re all about the spray of human leopard spots upon your gorgeous and angular face. Also, we’re all about donuts–having mentioned them, we’re now craving them.

Three friends go on a camping trip on a small, uninhabited island, but they let petty squabbles flare up and they bicker furiously. Then three unhinged soldiers attack them. Do they flee in fear? Yes, at first. But once they swim a freezing lake, strip their clothes off, and huddle together for warmth, they turn into warriors.

We may not all be shareholders of Tumblr (drat!), but these babes have us feelin’ pretty rich.

What’s a Sienna Miller? It’s a pair of boobs lying back on the bed. Don’t you know from poker? It’s definitely a rare hand–the last time we encountered Sienna was two years ago–but it’s an unforgettable one and powerful to boot! Them tits bring the chips.

What’s the difference between a lad’s mag model and a topless fashion model? Nothing! If you were looking for a punchline, there isn’t one; there’s nothing but gorgeous lad’s mag regulars strutting their stuff with a different style for i-D magazine. It’s a refreshing way to ogle Rosie Jones, Lacey Banghard, Sabine Jemeljanova, and others!

What is sex like for a sleepwalker? We’re not talking about sexsomnia, which we’ve seen in hyper-stylized action. Is there a chance that Maria Yasnaya here could be eaten out so well that she falls asleep and awakes in an orgasmic trance? Has that ever happened to you?

It’s been quite a while since we first encountered Henrik Purienne’s photography, but we haven’t forgotten his style. Who could forget the sight of a hot semi-naked babe freakin’ up on an old computer chair? Not us. Not with our obsession of ergonomics.

Ah, now this is the “Game of Thrones” we know and love. The last time we saw Emilia Clarke naked was the end of season one; it’s been ages since she’s graced us with her presence! And better yet, she’s brought a happy hooker playing Blind Man’s Bluff as well as more hot sex that quickly turns gruesome for the unlucky man.

We love the Eiffel tower on Candice Swanepoel, because it makes us think of the Eiffel tower as an enormous vagina looming over the people of Paris. We do sort of wish the tower were upsidedown so we could imagine it as a V laying across Candice Swanepoel’s vagina. And then we could imagine Candice Swanepoel’s vagina as an enormous vagina taking over Paris!

Everyone knows the star tattoo is the millennial right of passage – it’s the butterfly tramp stamp for the alt set. But while many ladies have chosen to get nautical stars on their forearms or feet or bellies, Freja Beha Erichsen has one on her armpit.