Once again, your gal pals have stuck you with the burden of planning a bridal shower and everybody wants something different. One girl is gluten-free, two are vegan, and there’s that one who won’t give up the damn Atkins diet. What will you serve? Don’t worry about it: Rico Strong, Lexington Steele, Prince Yahshua, and Jon Jon have you covered (in jizz).

Poor Sammy Smalls (Cristin Milioti) has a crush on a boy who thinks she’s too immature and sexually inexperienced to date. Sammy, don’t listen to that nonsense. You just take your grandma, hit the nearest pool, and go for a naked swim. The water finds you wise, womanly, and sexy as hell. We are inclined to agree with it.

Are you excited about the new season of “Arrested Development” hitting Netflix this weekend? So are we! The show has everything: great writing, brilliant pacing, running gag after running gag, and loads of gorgeous actresses we love to ogle. The fact that “Arrested Development” is full of hotties is often overlooked, but here we are, looking at that fact, telling you where to find their boobs.

In this edition of “MILFs Seeking Boys,” it seems like the MILFs aren’t necessarily on the prowl for young man penis, but instead find that the only way they can help the immature minds around them is to break them down (with fucking) and build them up again (with more fucking). They’re like the MKUltra of MILFs.

It’s too damn hot in New York right now, and we have to stay in the office with our broken air conditioner. Where would we rather be? The park. The forest. We long to be outside, frolicking in the fresh air, until we come across a group of babes picnicking in the nude. This is our dream of the moment.

No, you’re not still dreaming, that is indeed a young Russell Crowe. And if you’re thinking of the Danielle Spencer who played Dee Thomas in “What’s Happening!!” back in the day, you’re thinking of the wrong Danielle Spencer. You need to get your head on straight. It’s Wednesday and there are Australians having sex right in front of you.

We’re actually damn proud of Digital Playground for this one. Telemarketing has to be one of the most under-represented careers in the porn industry! We recall Eva Angelina in such a scene in the past, but these people here went ahead and made a whole damn film about those lonely, hard-working, eternally-hated voices. It brings a tear to the eye.

We’re quickly careening into summertime and with its sunny skies and warm breezes come a parade of picnics, pool parties, barbecues, patio drinking, and — for those adventurous friends among us — plenty of outdoor boning! So grab yourself a bratwurst and a keg beer and witness the beauty of nature in its full, full glory.

Three friends go on a camping trip on a small, uninhabited island, but they let petty squabbles flare up and they bicker furiously. Then three unhinged soldiers attack them. Do they flee in fear? Yes, at first. But once they swim a freezing lake, strip their clothes off, and huddle together for warmth, they turn into warriors.

The pessimist, however, will say that Adriana is sort-of SFW. The pessimist is not welcome here. We want readers who can see the filth despite the dainty, people who know that a leg warmer is just another phallic symbol, that everything on the screen is a phallic symbol! Our ideal reader sees gangbangs wherever they go. It’s a burden, but it’s also a blessing.

Ah, now this is the “Game of Thrones” we know and love. The last time we saw Emilia Clarke naked was the end of season one; it’s been ages since she’s graced us with her presence! And better yet, she’s brought a happy hooker playing Blind Man’s Bluff as well as more hot sex that quickly turns gruesome for the unlucky man.

If you had a beautiful house in the countryside, wouldn’t you fill it will gorgeous femme dommes and slaves in perfect fetish gear? And if you were playing in your home in the countryside, wouldn’t you put on a show on the off-chance that someone in a cowboy hat was lurking around your property and peering in through the window?

So Karlie Kloss is just wearing normal relaxed outfit like the rest of us mortals until she strips her mom jeans off to reveal the lingerie-clad vixen beneath and then dons a pretty pretty sundress, becoming a feminine ladyface again. Because gender is just a performance, or so we overheard at a party last night.

To be real, we could watch Lorelei Lee read the back of a cereal box and be engrossed. On the other hand, thank gooooodness Lorelei Lee chose the profession of “epic porn star” and not “epic back of cereal box reader” (we’re assuming that would be some sort of performance art thing).

Did you know that the most commonly reported sexual problem for heterosexual couples is that the man’s penis is too large? (We may have mentioned this in the past.) No one in this movie has any complaints of that nature; we just wanted to make sure you don’t feel bad for having a cock smaller than Mandingo’s. We’re all in that boat with you, brother.

There exists a category of amateur-style professionalish porn that may be beautiful ladies’ and hottie dudes’ first foray into video smutdom. Or, hey, it just may be a dirty little hobby these folks like to indulge in on occasion. Whatever the case, we’re happy they’re into it — ’cause so are we.

Despite being around for a few years, Jenna J. Ross doesn’t have that many movies under her belt, but she makes such a strong impression in every scene that she’s quickly become one of porn’s favorite starlets. On our part, we haven’t been in love with a diastema like this since we first fell for Belladonna!

A German couple and their son relocate to Hammerfest, Norway, where the sunless days and the stress of new work start to pull them apart. Then Maria, the mother, accidentally hits a girl with her car and the family must hide the terrible secret from the town. Incidentally, this heals Maria’s marriage! Ain’t life screwy?

Charles Darwin theorized that the mirth and giggling associated with tickling is provoked by the anticipation of pleasure, but for millions of people, tickling is the main course of carnal delights. Today we’re taking a look at all the magical things that can be done with fingertips and feathers, and how such a simple, universal act works in the realm of sex.

After the first “Black Anal Addiction” film hit stores, Mike Adriano’s family staged an intervention to address his addiction to eating black anuses. After that, a battalion of Mike’s fans staged an intervention on Mike’s family to ask them not to intervene with Mike’s way of life. Call us enablers if you must, we prefer to think of ourselves as conservationists and anthropologists (and black anal addicts by proxy).