What’s better than having sex? How about having sex with multiple people, simultaneously? If that’s not a party, we don’t know what is. There is a certain amount of practice and skill necessary to offer up all your holes to all your friends, and where we might have a bit of trepidation crossing that threshold, these pornstar babes come crashing right in. Thank heavens!

We love a gal who can multitask. Especially one who can multitask naked! And even more especially when the tasks at hand (and mouth) involve blowin’ some sexy dicks. Sure, we’re impressed by a person who can ride a unicycle over a tightrope while spinning plates on sticks and stuff, but there’s something to be said for skills with practical applications. And getting two dudes to blow mega loads onto your waiting chest? Yeah, mad practical. And also awesome.

Welcome to a little lovepile, courtesy of the 1970s. We’ve got babes lickin’ babes! Dudes bangin’ butts! Babes bangin’ themselves! And basically everything in between. But here’s the catch: is it all a dream? We don’t really care either way, because dreamland looks pretty darn real to us. And it’s the kind of dream we really like.

We’d like to go to a naked pool party with Alexis Texas. That’d be great — we’ll bring the floaties! We’re really cool with Alexis’s guest of the day being Jayden Jaymes, though. You need nary a float around when their buoyant booties and lovely breasts join forces. And then they go down on your dick. Yeah, that’s poppin’ plenty quick.

Wow. Looks like it’s pretty nice to be Tony Ribas! There he is just minding his own business when all of a sudden he’s stormed by two busty brunettes on a mission to take him for their own. They wordlessly force him to turn his cock over to them — all of it — and take his face for a ride. He’s a good sport about it, though, which we think is the correct response.

Over the weekend, Friday evening, after a few drinks and dinner, we decided to go for a little walk around the neighborhood drinking our large glasses of red wine. Coming back around to our place we noticed a young woman sitting outside an apartment having just moved in. She was Mid-twenties, , cute face and a nice shape under a very baggy t-shirt.

You know how it is — work’s boring, love is meh, you’re feeling kind of down about life in general. Extra vulnerable. You’re lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself when — what’s that? Superman? No; better. It’s a double dose of MILFy BJ-babe! They’ll turn that frown upside down (and give you a huge boner, too).

Poor Theon Greyjoy. Here he thinks he’s getting laid by two gorgeous and horny women with filthy mouths, and they start grinding on him and grabbing his dick and all that good stuff, but then it all goes downhill from there. And we’re pretty sure that when Theon gets knocked in the face with the horn, the thing that really hurts him is landing on his dong.

This roving Russian gang is like the Bratva, but instead of choosing to conspire over money laundering or racketeering (what even is that anyway?) they deliver stealthy blow(job)s to all their friends and enemies. While on roller skates! Ya scurred?

“Sarah,” he said, “You won’t believe how wet this little girl is! You’ve got to feel this!” Sarah’s fingers joined his for a moment, then came to my mouth, rubbing my wetness on my lips.

Hey, we want a cool, refreshing draught from the bottomless well that is Holly. Oh, but we misspoke. Not only is she blessedly bottom-full, but that ish is full as can be. With cock! Of course. So maybe it’s not as much cool and refreshing as hot ‘n’ nasty. But in a good way. And who are we kidding? We’ll sip from that cup, too.

A whole week? We sincerely doubt it, but maybe if we had seven days of nothing but snuggling and scrambling on top of a massage table with Jenny Cox and Venicia Day, there wouldn’t be a chance for it to go down. Then again, isn’t that dangerous and unhealthy? Oh, wait, sorry, you’re talking about a job!

It’s not something you just come across every day, or eve n something slightly special like ten bucks on the sidewalk or a phenomenal hair day. No, any day that takes you into the ever-lovin’ embrace of a spitroast is a golden day, a day when sunlight floods the universe and angels sing.

There are tons of ways chicks can tell the world they’re BFFLs! They can get matching gal pal tattoos, they can make each other festive beaded bracelets, they can participate in ritualistic blood-sistering, they can hold hands and skip down the sunny sidewalks together. Or, they can rock a tag-team BJ. That’s a good way, too.

When the 20s were roaring, you could step into the backroom speakeasy of the speakeasy and catch a glimpse. When every house had a car in the garage and a steak on the table, beneath that table, you might see it. Coming on up to the free lovin’ 70s, hair flowing and dicks flying, the form had been nearly perfected. Yes, the spitroast may have evolved over the years, but it’s ever been a glorious American tradition.

Why, it’s the chick with the dick in her mouth and babe on her ass. You know, they say when there are too many cooks in the kitchen the broth gets spoiled. That could sort of be true for group sex of any proportion, what with the dicks flying, legs spreading, and fingers fucking it could lose direction any moment (although we think chaos might be fine). However, in this instance, we’ve got a babe in charge. And when her commands are along the lines of “Lick my ass”, well, who doesn’t want to follow orders?

In case you didn’t get the memo, nobody shakes hands anymore. For one, it’s an outdated mode of expression that many cultures don’t practice. Second, your hand is the germiest part of your body. Third, nothing says “I’m down with the program” quite like the overwhelming tightness and genital unity of a good double penetration. Keep this in mind for your next business meeting.