So who exactly is this Dick Smith and why does he get to look at phone porn images? More importantly, can we have his job? (news.com.au; thumb via WildDolls.com)

This is the end result of global warming—an ocean full of giant penis icebergs. Yes, our coastlines will be underwater, but at least it we’ll be slightly amused by it. (metro.co.uk)

Not content with LOLcats–or LOLporn, for that matter–the folks at “I Can Has Cheezburger” have launched a funny Engrish site and what do you know … pretty much all Japanese-to-English translations end up sounding hilariously filthy. Yes, that sign is offering cunt examinations. And yes, we are easily amused. (engrishfunny.com)

An Elgin, Illinois, car wash recently caused a bit of a kerfuffle by advertising their machine-free towel dry service as “the best hand job in town.” Even more amusing than the hysterical reaction of the townsfolk–or that the local paper can’t bring themselves to say the offending phrase–is the owner’s

Dear Costco: Thanks so much for sending us that promotional email this weekend letting us know that the Cummins Onan® P1700i Inverter is on sale. We’ll try to pick one up for a future installment of our Marital Aid Test Kitchen as soon as we can. (Wait, it’s not an

Finally, a summer superhero blockbuster that we actually want to see! Just don’t tell us how it ends, k? (marklisanti.tumblr.com – thanks Blakeley)

While the sales copy promises us that “Getting her top off has never been easier!” we think that stopping a pretty girl on the street and asking to see whether her nipples are “Needle Nips” or “Cigarette Butts” is probably only a good idea if you (a) like to get

Stumped for what to get your mom for Mother’s Day this coming weekend? Yahoo came up with an idea which we hadn’t considered before … and don’t particularly want to, either. Guess we’ll just stick with that FTD floral bouquet after all, thank you. (Click for photo – thanks Doug)

We knew that the Bible was filled with all kinds of naughtiness–rape, murder, incest, laying down with strange beasts–but we inadvertently just discovered what might be the filthiest verse of all. Ezekiel 23:8 (King James Version): “Neither left she her whoredoms brought from Egypt: for in her youth they lay

Are these Mexican pastries (found in Phoenix, of course) really supposed to look like what we think they look like … or have we been working here so long that our brain just sees something dirty in everything we look at? If that’s the case, why are we so hungry

A Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer has been fired for using his official position to seek out women and have sex with them while on the job. Guess he was a true “Mountie.” Huh, huh … (canada.com, image via trekearth.com)

We realize it’s probably just some sort of thinly disguised marketing hype designed to lure potential investors, but we were still interested in this “report” which claims that worldwide revenues from mobile adult video chat are “set to climax at $1.5bn within the next five years” due to increased 3G

We porn bloggers are a very sophisticated bunch. We don’t just look at porn and sex, we discuss it within the larger context of other societal, economic and historical phenomena to provide a mature, nuanced reading of the source material. Of course, sometimes we just like to laugh at dick

Behold the oldest known map of Britain. Wow, some country thinks pretty highly of itself. (metro.co.uk)

Say what you want about the Star Trek franchise and the people who endlessly obsess over its every detail—the original show and its myriad spinoffs are some of the filthiest television to ever find its way into your family room. Don’t believe us? Check out the evidence compiled in the

We’re still scratching our head over this puzzler from last Friday’s Washington Post. There’s definitely more “subtext” there than they planned on. (jcnemecek.com)

Since “Transformers” was such a cinematic tour de force certain to win upwards of 15 or 16 Academy Awards for awesomeness, it’s only natural that Hollywood would take more of our precious childhood memories and exploit them: we just learned that G.I. Joe, he of the tribe of little plastic

Tropical exuberance with a delicate, yet penetrating blend? Sultry mangos? Argentina’s best waiting to burst from its shell? Soft, luscious and sweet pulp, alongside a solid piece of dark chocolate? Is this a candy catalog or the back cover of “South American Jungle Sluts 4″? (Boy, we are really hungry

Huh, huh … we hear his stuff plumps when you cook it … huh, huh … (copyranter.blogspot.com)

Magnetic poetry not dirty enough for your tastes? Check out these Hot Word Marble Magnets and you can give your fridge some “hot wet K-Y nipple erections.” (etsy.com)