Look, we know, it’s kind of a gross title, but that’s the one that Stoya would’ve picked! As it stands, her editor picked the title for her article about why we find pornstars’ Twitter accounts so damn fascinating. Tell us, Stoya! Drop some knowledge upon our domes!

Stoya on the rooftop! Kimberly Kane trying on tights! Veruca James flashing her pussy by the slot machines! Yes, these are the pictures that didn’t make it into the special AVN issue of Hustler, and we’re just fine with that. If Hustler doesn’t want ‘em, we’ll take ‘em, we’ll drool over ‘em–and not because we miss Las Vegas (although the place definitely has its perks).

Guess who’s on the cover of the latest Village Voice? Supreme Commandress Stoya, that’s who, and beneath her lovely face it says, “The Prettiest Girl in New York [line break] Is a Porn Star.” You hear that, universe? She’s ours. We called her the prettiest so she has to love us now because that’s how it works. Fourth grader logic, go!

A little while ago, Stoya wrote a piece for Vice about how pornstars deal with birth control, and it was good. While we had our backs turned, Stoya did two more articles for them! How dare she. Hurt feelings aside, they are just as fascinating and well-written as the first, and they’re about two of our favorite topics: heteronormativity and blowjobs!

House-sitting seems like a simple enough job for Stoya. All she has to do is hang out in a rich person’s abode, keep the lights on, water the plants, and not let her ex-boyfriend come over and bang her breathless. She can do that, right? Everybody seems to forget how unbelievably boring house-sitting is; it’s super boring, and a girl like Stoya can get super horny when she’s bored.

A lot of people have been asking Stoya and her friends how lady pornstars avoid getting pregnant, and it’s gotten to the point where the wisest and most helpful course of action is for Stoya to break down all of the choices, concerns, and crying jags connected with her ongoing search for the best baby prevention. We hope you’re ready for some real talk, because this is raw Stoya right here.

Call us biased if you will, but we think Stoya makes a mighty fine model, and we are supported by the people who put together Pop Magazine’s latest issue. Our (other) beloved Supreme Commandress shines in a series of surreal photos by Sean and Seng, and we think you’ll get a real kick out of seeing Stoya like this. (Don’t worry, there’s still a good deal of skin.)

We know these people are good at fucking, but what other nifty talents are they hiding? We worked up the gumption to ask them right in their pretty faces when we went to AEE, and we got some fascinating responses. For example, Skin Diamond likes to sing, but she won’t do it in public: “My asshole’s all over the internet but I’m too shy to sing in front of people.”

Babes, guns, drugs, crime, cartels, kidnappers, and explosions: that’s what we need right about now, and Digital Playground is giving us precisely that with their latest film. Every year, they drop a big budget booty-shaking movie on us, and this time we’re getting a tale of foxy military mamas going to rescue a friend in need. You’ll be on the edge of your seat with your hands on your meat!

When you ask pornstars about sex, you don’t just get a handful of neat tricks to try in the bedroom, you get to hear their philosophies about what it means to be sexy, to give and receive pleasure, and how to give yourself the best emotional, physical, and mental opportunities for experiencing unbridled sexual ecstasy. You also get a sweet bunch of one-liners and goofy quotes. God, we love pornstars so fucking much!

So at AEE, Fleshbot decided to do some serious investigating with our favorite pornstar paramours and proposed a question — out of all the folks in the biz, past and present, whether you’ve already stuck it to ‘em on set or just wish to — who brings a smile to your face and a fire to your loins? Like, who you mega-crushin’ on? Some answers were straightforward, others more a surprise, but one thing’s for sure: Porntopia is one big, beautiful, sleazy fucking family.

This past Saturday, a most magical and beautiful thing happened: Stoya’s Fleshlight and James Deen’s dildo finally fulfilled their respective destinies and made sweet, passionate love on the AEE show floor. The resulting erotic energy was so powerful that, well…if you felt yourself spontaneously orgasm some time that afternoon, this was probably why.

Couldn’t come to the Adult Entertainment Expo? Worried you’re missing out? Don’t worry! One of our all-time favorite photographer homies, Jeff Koga, has you covered. He’s been wandering around the expo taking pics of pretty pornstars and we get to share them with you!

“Would you like to come inside My Haunted House?” asks nobody at no point in this film. “It’s warm and cozy, but it’s dark, so you’ll have to find your way around by touch. Don’t be surprised if a ghost jumps out at you!” In this case, a ghost represents female ejaculation (because some people don’t believe in it).

Steve Prue, sweetheart of sweethearts that he is, asked if we’d like to debut this never before seen Stoya video, and we obviously said yes. We ask that you put aside your feelings about cigarettes and enjoy the sheer aesthetic beauty that comes from the subtle manipulation of air as Stoya allows Arden Leigh to drink from her hot, intoxicating breath.

This year’s Dirty Dozen reflects wise and difficult choices in the Pornographic Arts.

Another year, another crop of delectable celebrity nudity to ponder and peruse. There’s been such a good crop of skin this year (and we’ve got a soft spot for it all) that it’s hard to choose our favorites. But choose we must, and shall! Our pervy mind swims with Paz and Lena, Rihanna and Amanda, and… Helen Hunt? Oh well, who’s to dictate whither the heart and loins fly?

Do you really need us to write anything more? If the thought of one of the world’s coolest musicians ripping the panties off of one of the world’s coolest pornstars doesn’t get you clicking, then nothing we say will. You’re either missing out on this naked tryst between the future Mrs. President and First Lady, or you’re not.

Stoya has taken over the @Fleshbot Twitter account! She’s answering all of your questions until 3pm EST today. Make sure to stop by and see what she says!