It’s a benevolent, loving eye that only wants the messiest, squirtingest best for you. We could all use a friend like that! This particular comrade, however, happens to have kindly qualities like a rotating shaft and vibrating bunny top that really help you achieve your goals. The messy, squirting ones, that is.
Coral Aorta and Siouxie Q just blew our minds with one of the filthiest role plays we’ve ever watched (and that, friends, is saying something). That’s right, they’re not sisters, they just play them in this porno. Arriving home from ballet practice and sporting some very adorable outfits, they begin bratty fighting and teasing which leads (obviously) to making out and hitachis. Then they put dicks and POINTE SHOES inside one another.
We’ve been known to fall under the spell of a big-ass wang in our day. Like a charmer guiled by its snake,a magician enchanted by the wand, we can become a bit doe-eyed when faced with a megacock. Where it leads, we shall follow. And sometimes it takes you somewhere really cool, as in this case, to squirttown. One simply can’t defy it — when a schlong like this commands you to squirt, you do it. And how!
Dang, someone should construct a dam just south of this chick’s mega-squirting pussy and harness that shiz for some clean energy (well, clean in a sense… *wink*). But seriously, this is the squirt that keeps on giving. And all it takes to call forth this flood, this surge, this deluge of lady-loving is a cool-guy fist. It’s like the opposite of Moses parting the sea because this thing gets soaked.
Ah, we remember when anal was an unexplored frontier for us, virginal territory that remained uncharted due to trepidation, uncertainty, and/or impatience. Ha! Those days are long gone. But as much as we relish some good back-end loving, we still don’t possess quite the acrobatics or sheer physicality required to pull off some of these feats. May we sit back in slackjawed, wet-pantied awe at these anal masters at work.
We’ve got a bit of a quandary. We love Lily Carter. But… we also have some really strong feelings for that Lily LaBeau. Because, see, that Lily Carter squirts so good it melts our cold little hearts. But that Lily LaBeau, she looks so pretty when she lies back all naked and wet we nearly swoon. But — oh, look! The brilliant minds over at Elegant Angel realized that putting these two together is a perfect fit, a veritable yin-yang of squirtistry and squirt-upon-istry. They exist in perfect harmony! There is there enough room for two Lilies in this town! But as for us, we’re done for. Somebody better bring some smelling salts, because our body can’t handle this much lovin’.
You know someone’s a serious squirter when they’ve got a pair. It’s like how you feel so much safer in a vehicle with a handler in a pair of fancy driving gloves — they offer ever so much control, along with a hefty dose of style and panache! We appreciate this kind of refinement in our squirting, too. This babe knows what’s up. She handles her cunny like a consummate pro.
As soon as some warm weather rolls around, we’re going to get a bunch of our friends together and have a good old fashioned water war. It’s been a while since we used any squirt guns, and our pumping muscles have atrophied from age, so we’re thinking of upgrading to “Squirt Machines 2.” Dani Daniels will make a formidable weapon on the battlefield (of the local park).
We’ve almost never seen such blatant disregard for porous furniture stuffs in our life! But we’ll forego thinking about that dry cleaning bill and concentrate instead on this bespectacled babycakes gushing her heart puss out up top. Her squeals of delight are enough to banish any lingering laundry concerns.
If the world is a jungle, we’re on the prowl. We’re big cats looking for other small mammals to prey upon — but only in a sexy way. Okay, we’ll leave the metaphors behind and say straight up that we’re cool with some au naturel wildness down below. It makes us feel all visceral and caveperson like, banging as we have throughout the ages.
As humankind marches ever further into a futurian land of technological advancements and sophisticated gadgetry, it only makes sense to include our private parts in the parade. So, as part of the whole AVN/AEE spectacular, a celebration devoted entirely to sexy contraptions exists: the Adult Novelty Expo. Here is a roundup of some of our favorite new-world encounters of the year.
When witnessing the copious currents emanating from Cytherea’s ladyparts, we couldn’t help but wonder who could be giving her such a solid dicking. Of course it’s none other than the venerable Manual Ferrara. That man truly knows how to wield a schlong — such power, such skill! He’s got her opening the floodgates, what, like nine times at our count in this here vid. That’s unprecedented! We hope they’ve got a stockpile of towels for this dripping aftermath. They might even have to dip into the guest closet…
We’ve seen many happy pussies in our day, but this one — well, this one’s downright elated! And so are we, because witnessing the joy of others warms our heart. Also, this chick’s got orgasmic moans of delight that make us feel pretty darn blissful ourselves. We just want to all hold hands and sing a hearty refrain. Or, you know, fap along with her.
This lady is a real pussy-pleasuring whiz. She’s working angles, speed and velocity all synchronized in perfect fluid motion — and in straight up fluid, as it turns out, because this gal’s a real dripper!
Ah, porn proclivities. They’re as varied as people upon the earth, and chances are if you’re into something you’ll find a site that panders to your very special needs. Each site has carved out its own identity, charisma, psyche that makes it different from the rest. But what of the stars who straddle the boundaries (and other things) while jumping from site to site? They’re versatile, and we’re seeing just how much so. Our first observation focuses on the legendary Nina Hartley, who’s been all up, down, and around the block, looking hella foxy all the while. This lady can mad kick it with the freaks at Crash Pad Series, and also play the straight chick over at Brazzers. Which look do we like best?
For many, female ejaculation feels like the great white whale of female sexuality: rumored to be out there, but near impossible to actually experience firsthand. But according to Tristan Taormino, things needn’t be so fraught. After all, “Every woman has a gspot, so every woman has the potential to ejaculate.”
