Internet “experts” are warning people not to click on any emails that promise you a Barack Obama sex video. Instead, they advise you to wait for the inevitable Sarah Palin sex video, because it’s much hotter and maybe involves a pig or a moose or something. (Actually, the Obama email

Has porn spam finally caught up to Facebook, making this super-special social networking site just like every other place on teh internets? Between this and the threat of death to Scrabulous, why even turn on your computer any more? (portfolio.com)

“Experts” say about 80% of all computer viruses are spread by emails promising nude pictures of celebrities, like say … Natalie Portman. That’s pretty ridiculous (and a little sad in 2007), but ZOMG u should totally check out this naked hardc0re prono film from that STar Wars chick!!!1!eleventy! (dmwmedia.com)

We can hardly believe anyone out there still needs to be told this, but if you think total strangers are nice enough to email you naked pictures of Angelina Jolie for no reason, you probably deserve that computer virus. (informationweek.com + smarthouse.com.au)

Porn publicists serve the need of an ever-increasing talent pool in a market littered with niches and sub-niches, and many of them are just bad, bad, bad, seeming to place too much faith in the antiquated notion that porn sells itself. But just because you dropped out of high school

· It’s a few months old (at least), but we couldn’t resist sharing this photo reposted from BME on a blog called Horrible Tattoos—which apparently is the place for anyone who has a problem with two penises coming out of someone’s ass. And butterflies. Why do you hate butterflies? (horribletattoos.blogspot.com)

· When Cameron Diaz goes surfing, she goes surfing in a bikini. It’s starting again already! (egotastic.com) · Welcome to Gatwick Airport. Do you have any strippers you would like to declare? (timesonline.co.uk) · Is Flickr (ie. Yahoo) blocking content for users in Germany and Southeast Asia? Does a bear

· Danielle Lloyd pretends to secretly be a lesbian for the benefit of Zoo Weekly readers. We have no problem with this. (gorillamask.net) · Kelly Preston is on vacation at the beach, but without her pasty husband. We definitely have no problem with this. (egotastic.com) · According to a new

· Hey, look … it’s pictures of Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson hanging out together! Nothing suspicious about that, right? (toxicmagazine.com) · Oh by the way, Russian gangsters are luring Windows users to malicious websites by promising pictures of Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson. But seriously, that above link is

· So Joe Francis hasn’t even been in jail for two days and he’s already been accused of bribing a guard and possessing contraband pills. Add that to the tax evasion and contempt of court and this guy is on fire! (newsherald.com) · It seems that at least one of

· Fergie’s boyfriend shows her exactly what he would like to do with all them humps. Hint: It has something to do with buttfloss. (egotastic.com) · Meanwhile, the NY Times is too coy to say what Harry Potter’s junk looks like as Daniel Radcliff makes his long-awaited nude stage debut

· Remember our old friend Keeley Hazell and her two special friends? They’ve been laying low for a while and we miss all of them. (dailypoa.blogspot.com) · Remember the dude whose date cut him open and sucked on his blood? Well, his Valentine’s Day was a walk in the park

· We’re flattered that E! News named us a go-to source (along with YouTube, even!) for all your Paris Hilton storage locker needs, but the sad truth is that aside from a few screencaps we had to rely on Google to find everything just like everyone else. (We did, however,

· Geektacular pinup queen Brooke Burke shows off her baby bump in a bikini. Not that anyone would notice it below those other two bumps she’s always showing off. (wwtdd.com) · Predictably for this time of year, there’s still more fretting over sexy Halloween costumes, this time from Houston. Don’t

· We haven’t actually heard her spin, but we still think that Aria Giovanni might be the best DJ in the world. (doubleviking.com) · Hot on the heels of the custom stripper poles comes the Penthouse shoe collection. Wait … their models wear shoes? (avn.com) · According to Asian Sex

· Don’t forget to celebrate that all-important birthday this week. Of course, we mean July 5, 1946: the day the bikini became a beacon of freedom for belly buttons everywhere. (sfgate.com) · In honor of that other holiday, The Smoking Gun brings together its two favorite things about America: mug

We still think one of the best things you can do with porn spam is create haikus from it in your spare time (e.g., “She wants better sex?/2 nasty lesbian teens/Want to meet you now!”), but digital artist Adam Harvey came up with an even more aesthetically pleasing solution: his