To be real, we could watch Lorelei Lee read the back of a cereal box and be engrossed. On the other hand, thank gooooodness Lorelei Lee chose the profession of “epic porn star” and not “epic back of cereal box reader” (we’re assuming that would be some sort of performance art thing).
Hell to the yes, folks, it’s May, and you know what that means: it’s National Masturbation Month! We know you don’t want to constrict your self-loving to thirty-one days, and we don’t want you to; all we’re asking is that you think about masturbation really hard this month. Think to the point where masturbation loses all meaning and you have to build your wanking routine up from the ground!
It’s the last day of April, and that means Samantha Bentley’s reign as jGrrl will soon be over. We’ve had some good times with our glorious leader and her fabulous body, and even though a new woman will take her place as supreme ruler of Juliland, we can always look back on these moments with Samantha and do as she does: fap, wank, rub, and love.
Actually, that’s not true. She also says, “I don’t want to look at myself!” at one point, but she doesn’t really mean those words–she’s just letting them drift out of her face because she’s self-conscious. There’s only one word she says with any power and intent, and that’s a four-letter beast that starts with F.
Could it be that there have been thirty-seven separate entries in this series, and they’ve all been showcasing unrequited love? It chills us to think so, but if we don’t ask the question now, we’ll never ask it. Where do the big toys want to be? Locked inside a sheath slung across the back of a barbarian warlord? Do these massive plastic dongs secretly yearn to be wrapped in tinfoil so they can express their inner burrito-ness?