We very much appreciate Magdalena Berus’s attitude towards sex in “Bejbi Blues.” She’s not looking for candlelight or a sensual massage; her aims are simple, her desires are within reach, and when she strips naked in front of you, that’s all the signal you need to know what comes next.
It’s too damn hot in New York right now, and we have to stay in the office with our broken air conditioner. Where would we rather be? The park. The forest. We long to be outside, frolicking in the fresh air, until we come across a group of babes picnicking in the nude. This is our dream of the moment.
No, you’re not still dreaming, that is indeed a young Russell Crowe. And if you’re thinking of the Danielle Spencer who played Dee Thomas in “What’s Happening!!” back in the day, you’re thinking of the wrong Danielle Spencer. You need to get your head on straight. It’s Wednesday and there are Australians having sex right in front of you.
How does that sound to you? Good? Great? Like something you wrote about in your diary and are both upset and relieved that someone else brought it to life first? And if that’s not enough, you can also see Sylvia in the bath and lovingly sucking her big toe!
Sex in the back of a car? Check. Steamed up windows? Check (way to complete your “Titanic” fantasies, too). Interrupted by friends? You betcha. Only one person orgasms? Yes! You did it! You’re officially ready to be an adult now; stress about auto insurance will prevent you from ever again fucking in the backseat.
Ah, now this is the “Game of Thrones” we know and love. The last time we saw Emilia Clarke naked was the end of season one; it’s been ages since she’s graced us with her presence! And better yet, she’s brought a happy hooker playing Blind Man’s Bluff as well as more hot sex that quickly turns gruesome for the unlucky man.
That’s basically the bottom line here. But we’ll make some commentary because, hey, that’s what we do. Your room is a little messy, girls. Maybe it’s clothes and undies strewn about from deciding what to wear for a night out to the club. Or maybe those are bags full of lovely new dildos just waiting to be tested out. Hell, maybe you’re gonna squeeze both these activities into the same evening… So, you better get a move on! There’s no time to just sit around fondling each other and all deep-tonguing each other’s throats. Just kidding — there’s always time for that.
A German couple and their son relocate to Hammerfest, Norway, where the sunless days and the stress of new work start to pull them apart. Then Maria, the mother, accidentally hits a girl with her car and the family must hide the terrible secret from the town. Incidentally, this heals Maria’s marriage! Ain’t life screwy?
We know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking those clips of Pihla Viitala from “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” and “Reykjavik Whale Watching Massacre” were great, but they weren’t enough to quench your thirst for this foxy Finnish babe. You know how we know what you’re thinking? We’re thinking the same damn thing.
History was never our best subject in school, but we’d like to think that as we get older, we have a greater appreciation for the lessons the past has to offer as well as a new desire to gain wisdom from it. Today we’re going to learn why you should never have sex with Lucrezia Borgia or Henry VIII.
Did you catch “Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”? Perhaps you didn’t want to watch a story about a badass Hansel who has diabetes after being force fed candy as a child (we think it makes him a uniquely interesting hero). Anyhow, you missed a young witch getting buck ass naked in a pool in the woods and hooking up with Hansel.
How does our dear Leonardo unwind after a day of defending himself from (perhaps not so bogus) sodomy charges? He works out a way to make a camera obscura project an image of the judge having sex with a pig onto the skies above Florence. But when he’s done with that, it’s bathtime with Lucrezia! Look at her body steam.
We were a little worried that last week’s topless blowjob from Dr. Carrie Roman (Betty Gilpin) was going to be a one-off kind of thing–a little raunchiness to inject fresh life into the show. Clearly, more injections are needed, because Carrie is back at it, controlling men with her amazing boobs and demanding flash cards.
Poor Theon Greyjoy. Here he thinks he’s getting laid by two gorgeous and horny women with filthy mouths, and they start grinding on him and grabbing his dick and all that good stuff, but then it all goes downhill from there. And we’re pretty sure that when Theon gets knocked in the face with the horn, the thing that really hurts him is landing on his dong.
And you know, this is really one of those smooching pairs we never would’ve dreamed up on our own–probably because we tend to think of Rooney as Lisbeth Salander and Catherine as “that woman from ‘Zorro.’” We know, we’re small-minded. Nonetheless, this is a very special moment for everyone, for libidos around the world, and we urge you to forget about the part of the plot that includes pharmaceutical evils and sleepwalking murder.
No STDs! Then again, you could consider insanity an STD in this case, so maybe we won’t count that one. At least ghosts are always creative in their sexual encounters. Take this young (appearing) lady for example: she appeared once in a nightclub, again tied up on the side of the road, and when she screws you, you have visions of Rene Magritte’s paintings!
No, this isn’t a clip from a new iteration of the series. We just felt like taking a trip down memory lane and looking at the season that started it all. It’s funny to think how far this show has come–six series in total, each portraying a different place, time, and gang, and the only thing constant is the constant sex! Even then, we notice some difference in the screwing.
Why did we go with Korean film today? Well, a lot of our favorite steamy movies on Netflix happen to be Korean–”Untold Scandal,” “Sweet Sex and Love,” “Green Chair” come to mind–and on another note, all the recent drama surrounding North Korea has made us pine for tender tales of that divided land.
And seriously, that boy’s demons are starting to pipe up quite often. We thought the hallucinations from last week would be a one time thing, but nope! He’s trippin’ on the regular now. At least Lucrezia can soothe his fevered brow with some cowgirl action. We regret calling her the ultimate villain of the show.
Sometimes we post videos because they have big celebrities getting naked in them, sometimes we post videos with a good message of a sexual or social nature, but other times, we post things because they are unabashedly crazy. This clip definitely belongs in the last category. We think you’re going to enjoy it.