See Justine Joli and Heather Vandeven get wet at Stagg Street

One of the first images we saw of Thandie Newton in DirecTV’s “Rogue” was of her having some serious, contemplative alone-time in the shower. How appropriate it is that now, in the sixth episode, she takes a shower with crime boss Jimmy! We wouldn’t exactly call this full circle, but it certainly feels like an appropriate turn for this show to take.

Well, we guess Tiffany Tyler’s face is pressed against the glass, too. But, you know, that’s probably just what happens when Ryan Madison is railing you doggystyle in the shower. It’s a good thing there’s a door here and not just a curtain! We’re sure it’d get ripped out, then there’d be a boning couple and water all over the bathroom floor. And that would make a mess! Not that we’d really mind cleaning up after. But it’s probably for the best there’s the door as a barrier — that way we could press our faces up against it for a real close look, and stay safe. And if there’s one thing we’re all about, it’s safety. And doggystyle in the shower.

It’s all of us! Aren’t we lucky? We could help Yoko soap up that hot body all day (and night) long. Raisiny fingers be damned! We’re, like, devoted to this task. We’d make sure every inch of that silky smooth skin was made squeaky clean. Especially the nipple area. That’s really important. But, you know, we think that something more effective and less scratchy than a crappy old loofah should be utilized here. Yeah, we mean our tongue. Just a couple (or a few, or several, or hundreds of) spins from us would have that pretty, perky li’l thing shining. We don’t even mind getting soap in our mouth. Hey, wouldn’t be the first time.

We’re all about lending a hand to any brothers and/or sisters in need, and our enthusiasm only magnifies when that hand is utilized for orgasmic purposes. Sure, we’d like, help you plant herb varietals in your back garden, shuck oysters for your Rockefeller, give your puppy a bath, or maybe even help you unclog your toilet (actually, no, we think we draw the line there). But if you need us to nudge any number of our fingers up inside your totally rockin’ puss while you work the front, we are totally game. We’ve got our game face on. We’ll even smudge on some stripes of eye black like the professionals do. Let’s get this!

Lucas and Carrie (Ivana Milicevic) certainly have a complicated relationship. She was all set to hand him over to her mob boss daddy last episode, but then he saved her daughter’s life and she was forced to recognize her feelings for him, thus leading to some stony-faced fucking. Additional bouts of banging continue in this episode, but where are they going? What happens when the sex stops?

Go from the back to the middle and around again at BodyParts.biz

“Shameless” started its third season last week–but somehow, we had to wait until last night to get a chance to see Emmy Rossum, ahem, in the flesh. (Yes, she got groped in her underwear last week, but it’s just not quite the same.) Thankfully, Emmy’s first topless scene of the year is a delightful and delicious one, with some long, lingering moments of her wet body in the shower.

We pretty much never pass up a chance to show you Jiz Lee or Billy Castro in action, even if it’s just a few moments. This is a dream-team match sorta along the lines of Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy, and also in the bathroom! Both are hot and awesome, but this pretty much says everything you need to know about the difference between the 20th and 21st century of porn (and also water conservation).

We’ve never really wished we were a loofah before. It just hadn’t crossed our minds as one of the ideal inanimate objects we’d like to shapeshift into. But after seeing what kinds of amazing funtimes one can have with Jessie Rogers’s unbelievable ass, we’re gonna concentrate extra hard on turning ourselves into pillowy mounds of mesh.

With this new movie about Hitchcock out and all, it’s never the wrong time to acknowledge that the man pretty much ruined showers for everyone. There you are, all naked and vulnerable and warm and supple and swollen and soft and smooth and relaxed and introspective with techno playing in the background touching yourself and undulating to the beat, and there is always the threat of some mysterious man sneaking up on you and stabbing you just when you’re at your most alluring.

We’ve already had one sexual bathroom adventure today, and one good turn deserves another. The previous lavatory lovers kept things nice and neat by perching on the sink, but these… they’re going all the way. Suckin’ dick in the shower — ah, that’s our bathroom zen place.

The thing that’s so excellent about the inclusion of a Behind The Scenes video with this photo shoot (besides the fact that Lucy Collett and Gracie Lewis are total goddesses who have been very, very dirty and need to scrub one another down) is that it’s basically the animated version of the pictures. So it saves us the trouble of printing out all the pictures on nice glossy paper and stapling one corner together and then using our thumb to flip rapidly through them in order to animate them.

As much as we love our minty-herbal soaps, scrubby facials, and bubbly suds, we’d happily smack them off our shelves to jump into the bath with Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee. See, these are just objects, easily replaceable by wet t-shirts, dildos, and kinbaku knots. These are all you need for a real productive shower. And besides, we’re pretty sure getting felt up and down by Jiz and their giant strapon would render us immaculate. Who needs holy water when you’ve got Jiz?!

There’s no nudity in the Bond-verse, but the way Berenice Marlohe says the phrase “I feel naked without it” makes our pants melt anyway. If you haven’t seen “Skyfall” already, take a look at the some of the moments that crystallize Berenice’s place in Bond Girl history. If you’ve already seen the film, these seconds are already playing in your head on repeat.

So in this movie, struggling actress Dina Meyer’s job is to seduce men so their wives can catch them in the act. Lucky for us this involves her wearing a sports bra to pump some serious iron/cruise at the gym, having some silly girlie underwear time with her roommate on the way to the shower. And of course, gettin it on, on the clock.

Boobs are fantastic, undeniably so, even. But when they’re all slicked up from shower-time and being fondled up a storm by some of the hottest babes we know? Then they become simply sublime. In fact, they can be so darn lovely that they make us feel a little dirty, deep down where it counts. We almost feel in need of a shower ourselves… If only we had a couple babe-buddies to join us.