That Mandy! She really knows how to have a good time — yet also remain green and efficient. You see, once she drinks all the vodka from the bottle, she hops aboard the whole “Reuse, recycle, reduce” train and re-utilizes that thing as a stellar masturbator! She should probably be the spokesbabe for some nationwide campaign where everyone sends all their recyclables to her, to bang them. We think that makes sense as a plan. Who said environmental consciousness couldn’t be smoking hot?

Why, just look at the little smile on that Hitachi Magic Wang! Everyone’s having a ball at this get-together. And we’re invited, too! Somebody better break out the popcorn and beer, because it’s a real party now. The sexy orgasm kind of party.

A luxurious hottub teeming with beautiful babes whacking off in turn — is this heaven? Perhaps. And hey, it’s Friday, so we may as well besmirch the name of a charitable drive all for the love of lesbians. It’s not like we’re a stranger to besmirching, as it were. And when it comes down to it, we think a Toys for Twats initiative would be pretty successful…

It’s a benevolent, loving eye that only wants the messiest, squirtingest best for you. We could all use a friend like that! This particular comrade, however, happens to have kindly qualities like a rotating shaft and vibrating bunny top that really help you achieve your goals. The messy, squirting ones, that is.

It’s time for yet another clittastic Japanese adventure, courtesy of the versatile R-1 Controller — this time I’m exploring its sophisticated wank attachment called “Feel Mont Blanc”. I’m not sure my whacksperience was akin to mounting the highest Alpine peaks, but it was pretty exhilarating nonetheless. There’s more than meets the eye to this little guy.

There comes a time in every “slave slut’s” life where she’s gotta throw on the nipple pumps and pussy clamps, and get smacked around a little by the master with a riding crop. She must have been a very bad little chickie… which is great news for us! Because, yeah, we’d like to get in on this loving smackfest. What?!

Okay, if anyone is ever under the impression that a lady can’t be highly into the hardcore side of banging, we raise them this video. We only wish someone would cry out to us with the joyous ululations emanating from the mouth of this babe for this monstrosity of a dildo. We hope this plasticine dick realizes how truly special and loved it is!

We may be slightly out of touch with the whippersnappers of here and now — do people still like Biebs? — but we can think of some activities that are timeless, transcending age, era, class, and creed. So gather round, teens (we’re talking about the 18+ ones, of course) and let us show you what we mean. It involves sensual massage and vibrators — two things that never go out of style.

Quiet as a clit-rockin’ mouse, the Crave Solo is. It’s true; there’s much to love about this elegant little vibe, but the quality that resonated most with me was its extremely subtle sound. That’s not to say this delightful dainty doesn’t pack a punch, though. Its purr rumbles like a lion, but at the volume of a kitty. And it’s kind of my newest little pet now.

It’s the last day of April, and that means Samantha Bentley’s reign as jGrrl will soon be over. We’ve had some good times with our glorious leader and her fabulous body, and even though a new woman will take her place as supreme ruler of Juliland, we can always look back on these moments with Samantha and do as she does: fap, wank, rub, and love.

We’ve been known to chug, and even secret-chug (yeah, yeah) many chilled brewski in our day. Something we haven’t really done, though, is shove the bottle carrying that liquid gold way up into our asshole. Huh. We’d be tempted to drink its contents first — that’d probably make the whole thing go a little easier, right? — but perhaps we’re just not wise in the ways of bottle-bangin.

I hadn’t really ventured much into the realm of sensual massage before… The only rubdowns I’d indulged in were basically hand or mouth-to-dick contact. I’m an advocate of prolonged foreplay, and touching people is cool, so it looks like there’s really no reason for me to shy away from this. Babeland’s Massage Candle makes it easy, fragrant, and slightly BDSMy — hey, I can get on board with that.

If the earth somehow becomes a post-apocalyptic wasteland, there will remain cockroaches, and us watching boob videos on the internet. Oh yes, we’ll abide. We’ll be cobbling dinner together from the odd remnants of canned goods we’ve stowed away, lighting our desk chair on fire for warmth, huddled around our computer dreaming of tits and sunshine (oh, in our wasteland our computer and wifi work).

We love excess: it’s in our blood, it’s in our national heritage, it’s why breakfast cereal advertisements always show full glasses of milk next to full glasses of juice. We’ve searched far and wide to find ways to express our love of the cup that runneth over, and we’ve realized that nothing celebrates abundance quite like a bun dance–watch this jelly jiggle and beg to be filled!

We’ve seen DPs before (duh!) but we haven’t seen one with quite an air of… urgency that’s exhibited here. The lovely Sheena seems to have an almost desperate need to get all her holes stuffed — it’s imperative! Believe us, we respect her mission. If we were there, we’d be like a surgeon’s assistant at the ready with every size dildo, extra lube, rubber gloves… whatever she needed. She’s gotta get stuffed, and by george, we’ll see she does!

We don’t pretend to be the sportingest blog out there (hey, Deadspin). But god dang it, the mattress is our field, HJs and BJs our moves, and, for us, scoring happens in loads of jizz. And hey, we get picked first if you know what we mean. But this gamesome couple is right up our alley, and we’d be proud to have them on our team.

Ah, open sky, cheap beer, pickup trucks, green grass as far as the eye can see — oh yeah, and blonde babes riding massive strap-ons into their studly bf’s booties. God bless the country!

It’s no secret most chicks have a bit of a love affair with their Magic Wand-style Cadillac vibes. I am no different. Mine actually resides in a little nook right beside my bed, always plugged in and at the ready. We’re quite close. So, imagine my excitement when I found that accessories for my lovely friend exist — accessories made to harness that stupendous power and focus it on the g-spot. It’s like getting new clothes for your favorite doll, but with way more body-rockin’ orgasms involved (well, depending how you get your kicks).