In the perfect world, we’d take a tip-toe through the tulips with Katie’s nips, but we’re not picky. This fountain mayhem is a great way to cool down and a lovely reminder that Katie Holmes will forever be a hottie. Lord knows who that dude behind her is, but he’s got it made.

Just because she’s dressed like she’s on “Baywatch” doesn’t mean she’ll be jumping in the water to drag your ass to the shore. It depends: are you cute? Do you think she’s cute? Would you be willing to polish her sunglasses and brush the sand off her nipples? Do you even remember what “Baywatch” was like as a TV show? We sure don’t.

First thing’s first, this is a nice dress. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but we think it’s daring, the color is lovely, and Frederique wears it well. Secondly, holy hell, Frederique’s boobs are so very visible. This isn’t so much a dress as it is an incomplete cosplay of that “X-Men” villain Mystique.

We’re having some intense deja vu with these pictures of a braless Maria Fowler (we call it deja boob), but we definitely haven’t ever posted them before. Could it be that all seethrough pictures have the same look? Did we dream of Maria’s illuminated tits last night and are feeling the collapse of prophecy and reality into this dimension?

You want to take a shower with Meve, everybody wants to take a shower with Meve, but you have a long way to go before you get there. If you’re patient enough to wait for her to take off her various tops, if you can manage not to stare too hard at her tits, you still have to prevent yourself from being petrified by her eyes–them balls are aquamarine!

Beta-carotene helps improve your eyesight, especially your night vision, so will it help your eyeballs peer through Heidi Klum’s sheer dark dress? Is the night like a translucent top pulled over the world? You could also just turn the brightness up on your monitor and see nipples that way, but then you miss out on all the good carroty fiber.

Oh no! Someone’s using the shower at the beach and Jennifer Nicole Lee can’t get her spray on! Not a problem. Jennifer has a backup plan: a gallon of water in a jug. It’s only gonna take a few quick splashes to get this show back on the road.

You might think Michea Crawford is being silly, but ask yourself this: if you get invited to the funeral of a famous modern dance choreographer who was known for highly eroticized performances, how are you going to dress? Yeah, that’s right, you’re going to dress just like Michea and the veil over your face will be swirled around like soft serve on the sexy cone that is your body.

Dang. We understand there are sometimes stipulations about teachers having to get administrative approval on jobs outside the school district, but this story still bums us out. Olivia Sprauer was a high school English teacher who worked as a glamour/bikini model under the name Victoria Valentine James, but as soon as her superiors got a hold of her pictures, she was fired.

She won Miss Rhode Island, Miss USA, and Miss Universe in 2012–we think Olivia Culpo has evolved beyond bras, and we also think she looks a bit like Shannyn Sossamon, which is a total turn-on for us.

It’s that time of the year when everybody is dressing in layers because the light and warmth change drastically from block to block. Some layers are a little stuffier than others; some layers are much more revealing than others. Fortunately for the people of New York, one of Jessica Alba’s layers is a sheer bra no darker than thin obsidian.

Is it just our imagination, or does this picture look straight out of the ’90s? This could easily be a picture of Olivia Munn leaving a Third Eye Blind concert (if it weren’t for the smartphones in each hand). Regardless, we love that mesh number she’s wearing, and we thank her dearly for not wearing a bra with it. Nipple ahoy!

Somedays it feels like our eyes are failing us, and we wonder if we’re going old quickly or losing our vision to an internet-based career. Have we peaked in our ability to see nipples from a distance? It can’t be true–that’s one of our only skills and we need it

We’ve often pondered the camouflaging or misdirection possibilities of translucent shirts, and we wonder if Demi is taking advantage of it. If we were any people who got hit with big camera flashes, we’d totally wear bras decorated with numerous stray realistic nipples, just to throw people off. Is that what you’re up to, Demi?

You’ll have to forgive Commissario Montalbano, he’s a serious man with a serious job. He doesn’t see you walking around in thin cotton with stiff nipples and a thong. He’s not aware of your cutoffs, the legs beneath them, or how you’re undressing him with your eyes. Fleshbot’s not very serious though; we know what’s up, Margareth.

British TV presenter Caroline Flack has a thing for showing off her fine figure, but never before have we seen her in such a shirt. It’s as if God took a highlighter to her body, so that He might clearly point us towards the important part of His creations. Right there, in neon, those lovely breasts.

Last week we saw some outtakes of Lady Gaga from V Magazine, and this week we have Jennifer Lopez from the same exact source! Is V holding a huge stash of pictures of celebrities with their saucy bits hanging out? Is there any way we can get a job at V Mag and become the official organizers/curators/horders of such material? It’s our true calling.

We’re so thrilled by Juno’s hair color change that we nearly overlooked the nipple she’s showing in this spread for Hunger Magazine. It’s a tad embarrassing, but you can’t really blame us. Number of times we’ve seen Juno’s breasts: about five or six, depending on how you count. Times Juno has changed her look so drastically: well, she did this for “Atonement,” but we forget if she’s done it any other time.

She showed up for a book signing at Barnes & Noble wearing a seethrough body jumpsuit thing and no panties. Nice. She wore a bra–she was aware of how clear her outfit was–but she decided not to mess with undies. Perhaps she wanted to show off her hip tattoo? Perhaps she wanted us to think about her buns? Hopefully the answer is in her new book.

So you’re lost in the Amazon rainforest, but you have shelter, fire, pointy sticks, and an attractive companion to share a bed with. You’d probably feel a lot better if you didn’t think of yourself as lost, but on an indefinite vacation during which you’re definitely going to get laid. You know, for warmth and solidarity!