There are lots of things people say about blondes, but we can take or leave all that jazz. To us, flowing blonde tresses make us think of fairytale princesses with dragons for neighbors, beautiful and dainty as a butterfly, stuck up in their castle towers sighing out the window. We think it the happiest ending when Prince Charming comes — and then comes all over them. Now there’s a bedtime story!

Why is massage porn so popular these days? We waxed pornographic about it a few days ago when we previewed “Erotic Massage Stories,” but we didn’t really get to the heart of the matter. We’re all extremely tense these days! Nobody gets enough sleep, nobody keeps an eye on their posture, and all we want from the world is somebody who will unlock all the knots in our backs and then bang us senseless.

Dana Vespoli’s first (and highly anticipated) feature for Evil Angel is as economical as it is trippy; it’s the type of movie informed by the Golden Age of Porn but executed with 21st century sensibilities; there’s a clear—if surreal—narrative that shapes itself around the sex, which is both hard and compelling. No arty cutaways that make us forget it’s a porn film.

Think about the last time you delivered a blowjob from a kneeling position to a standing individual, ghost, or totem pole. For most people that is the entirety of the sexual act: “Today I’m giving/getting a blowjob.” In Porn Valley, however, the blowjob always leads to something else (unless, of course, it’s a movie about blowjobs).

Where would society be without girls kissing girls? Probably nowhere good, probably still in the Dark Ages. People credit modern civilization to a lot of different things–agriculture, social contracts, alcohol–but we know in our heart of hearts that the tender lip-lock of two babes is the only thing that drives humanity forward.

This loooong clip is heavy on the interviews but also features some clips from the scenes. Call us romantic, call us intellectuals, call us nerds: but we love watching people fuck waaay more when we’ve just heard their interviews. It’s like your inside their brains! Which is kinda like being inside their cunts. Think about it!

Samantha Ryan has been given the gift of porn motherhood in “Come On Mom,” completing another step in a long progression from sylphlike ingenue Girls Only performer, to (years later) B/G actress, to MILF-without-obvious-signs of childbirth.

We were recently thinking about how we dig Samantha Ryan and wish she would appear in more movies, and then this little film pops up and gives us exactly what we want! Isn’t that grand? Everybody who’s not Samantha Ryan gets fucked by Samantha Ryan; that’s how it should be.

Quick question: if we elect a lesbian president, do we still call her wife the First Lady? That is, if the president’s wife identifies as a woman. And that’s if the lesbians don’t decide to make this a totalitarian state. It wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing! There would be no elections, an invasive police force, and amazing new advances in dental dam technology.

The home or apartment hunt can be taxing, full of frenzied paperwork gathering, big-figure check writing, and general stressfulness. But you know what relieves one of all these pressures? The sight of hot lesbian babes touching and making out. And if it’s within your potential new abode? Even better.

Yes! Yes people! This is just how it is in real life! (We um, have some lesbian friends. We check our facts here at Fleshbot. We dot our t’s and cross our i’d and… wait, is that… oh hey, is that girls making out over there?) All the soft butch in the red flannel has to do is smarmily* introduce the idea of Truth or Dare and then everyone’s inner lesbian is revealed!

I don’t care if it’s just a job or if these two went home to sexless, cold relationships (somehow I doubt it), but even if they didn’t mean it, it sure looked convincing.

One of the things we like most about Samantha Ryan is that we can’t pin her down to one type of porn persona. Sometimes she’s blonde, sometimes brunette; sometimes she’s a MILF, other times she’s not; it seems like she only screws ladies on screen, then she sits on Manuel Ferrara’s cock. Samantha keeps us on our toes.

Here we have a legacy of lust handed down from mother to daughter, a fate of freakiness that no one can escape, and a house full of hot perverts waiting to fuck the reluctance out of their young proteges. Director Kay Brandt knows what you want, but she’s going to give you what you need because she’s in control and you should let her do her thing.

Not only are these women having sex with each other, they’re also solving problems through the sex. Doesn’t that speak to your heart? Interracial lesbian porn is truly the ultimate symbol of love and unity in the world: you have women conquering fears, conquering clothing, holding hands, putting said hands on each other’s genitals, making said genitals shake, quiver, and come, and everybody goes home with money and memories.

By the end of New Sensations’ superb “Torn,” you, too, will risk your marriage for a chance to cheat with Remy La Croix. But you will also want to work it out with India Summer. And you’ll probably get some action on the side from Raylene, who is free-spirited.

When you’ve got the massively squishable boobs of Jelena Jensen paired with the naughty antics of Samantha Ryan, Charley Chase, Lily Cade and friends, what else can you do but squeeze, suck and lick your way to eternal happiness?

It’s like Jermaine Stewart always said: “We don’t have to take our clothes off to have a good time.” These ladies might not having any cherry wine nearby, but they do have dripping wet pussies, and that’s just as good. With all due respect to the late Mr. Stewart, these

Believe it or not, what comes out of our beloved porn stars’ mouths is often more compelling than what goes in. In fact, while breasts may sag and nuts will deflate, words remain everturgid. Next time you watch a porn movie, count how many times you hear “Fuck!” and “Shit!”