Fleshbot | Pure Filth
What’s the difference between a lad’s mag model and a topless fashion model? Nothing! If you were looking for a punchline, there isn’t one; there’s nothing but gorgeous lad’s mag regulars strutting their stuff with a different style for i-D magazine. It’s a refreshing way to ogle Rosie Jones, Lacey Banghard, Sabine Jemeljanova, and others!
Nuts just came out with “The Girls of Nuts – Lingerie Special 2013,” and it’s pretty much page after glorious page of busty British babes spilling out of their fancy bras. We kind of feel bad for those undies, you know? Somebody crafted that lace with care and love, and all we want is to see it torn apart as Rosie Jones goes all Incredible Hulk with her chest and sends shreds flying across the room.
Think about it: would you rather go out and retrieve lukewarm food so you can gorge in the privacy of your apartment, or stay inside and see what pictures of these busty goddesses didn’t make it into Front? Even if you’re starving, you’ll find that these boobs and butts nourish you in a deep and meaningful way. (Eat some crackers while you ogle, if you must.)
She’s laying it down, she’s smoothing it out, she’s tugging at her panties, and you need to be there to watch it happen. Plus, the beat that plays over Rosie’s rolling around just might be our favorite piece of music ever put in a Front TV flick. Basically, you have nothing to lose but your flaccidity.
We feel a little self-conscious about posting lad’s mag stuff at this time of day, but we don’t know why. It’s not like this stuff is hardcore (sadly), and there’s nothing sinister or niche that would turn sleepy eyes away, we’re just not used to this routine. Still, all things must change, and Rosie Jones must change out of her lingerie, and we must watch.
Go ahead. Call us Grinches. Call us Scrooges. But we can’t stand getting Christmas songs getting stuck in our heads every time we try to swing by the drug store for bubblegum-flavored lip gloss and economy packs of fleet enemas (we’re just picking ‘em up for a friend, you know). And if we see one more model in a Santa hat we’re gonna hurl up last night’s egg nog. Soooo not creative, art designers. On that note, you know what’s refreshing? A naked girl not in a Santa Hat. Rosie Jones clearly feels the same way about Christmas as us.
You know, when we saw the behind-the-scenes photos of Rosie Jones, India Reynolds, and others holding enormous guns with their boobs out, we thought the whole ensemble looked a little unprofessional. But now that we’ve seen the final product, they look like a lean, mean team of clothing fighting machines!
You could check out the 2013 Hot Shots calendar, but the final product will likely show the girls looking like badass military pin-ups. If you want to see Rosie Jones, Holly Peers, India Reynolds, Sam Cooke, Kelly Hall, and Emily O’Hara running around topless irresponsibly pointing guns all over the place with silly looks on their faces, you should check out these behind-the-scenes photos.
Since we’re American and we seldom use terms like “rude” to describe sexual naughtiness, our idea of Very Rude Pics involves Holly Peers cutting in line, laughing at others’ misfortune, not holding the door for people, and stealing from the elderly. Thank goodness this is a fetish-heavy shoot with lots of latex and whipping. That’s the kind of rudeness we can get behind.
We never know what to wear to job interviews when we wanna look respectable yet persuasive. Maybe we should take a cue from Rosie Jones and match a fierce blazer with some garter-patterned tights and … um…not much else!
The London Olympics haven’t even begun, and Rosie has already secured herself a gold medal for the ancient and admirable sport of boob flashing. She’s been training for this moment for years, exercising the small yet important muscles needed for this unique action, and now that she’s reached the apex of her career, what is she going to do? She’s gonna keep flashing them titties. What a champion.
Yo, we’re not here to tell Rosie how to live her life, but we’re concerned about her. She woke up and took her clothing off: that’s a little backwards. She didn’t have juice, so she drank beer for breakfast: that’s not healthy. She spilled a little beer down her boobs and watched it roll off: that’s spectacular. We don’t know how to feel, Rosie!
We know they say opposites attract, but both these sets of breasts are big and bountiful, and it makes sense to us that they wanna get it on.
Even though it’s a relatively simple term, we always get tripped up when we see a lad mag advertise “rude pictures,” as Nuts recently did for their “56 Very Rude Pics” photospread. We get even more confused when we see pictures of naked girls spanking each other or flipping the bird; then we’re looking at something that’s two types of rude and we can’t tell which is which!
Poor Rosie just wants to go to sleep, but Page 3 won’t let her. In Page 3′s defense, Rosie does have a habit of dozing off wearing elaborate and racy lingerie in excellently lit rooms. Also, dig that music that Rosie plays before bedtime. Is that not the most “We’re Taking Pictures!” music you’ve ever heard in your life?
It’s no secret we’re superfans of the generally bodacious British bust. So when some of our favorite specimens are made to glisten with oil, lit just so for some intimate close ups, it’s all we can do not to paint our faces and streak around the stadium.
Rosie Jones, India Reynolds, Sabine, and Lacey Banghard dressed up like superheroes and then showed their boobs: that part we understand, and we expect. However, we didn’t anticipate the fact that these lad mag babes actually have the proportions of female comic book characters! The fakeness is so realistic!
Our invitation to join this slumber party romp must have gotten lost in the mail… But thankfully the grand event was duly documented and we have Rosie Jones, Lacey Banghard and their friends playing around in sexy lingerie while revealing their bedroom secrets. Apparently some of the girls like to
