If you got a bunch of actual clowns to make a porn movie in 1985, “Clown Porn: The Parody” is the movie they’d make.

When you pay your dues and achieve legend status like our heroes here, you can do whatever the fuck they want. What they want is to be hilarious, and also to have a nice bath. Can you imagine, after almost four decades of the uncomfortable situations porn puts you in, you’re Nina fucking Hartley and Ron fucking Jeremy and Hustler is like “What’s your concept?” and they’re like “We are tired! We wanna take a motherfuckin BATH.”

There’s already been a considerable amount of hardcore fucking on “Reality Show” (even if we’re only seeing it from softcore angles), but this is the first bit of lesbian action that’s occurred. Remember how Ron Jeremy got Margaret Savinar to do some sexy stills before? Well, with a little extra cash and booze thrown in, he got Margaret and her BFFL Monika Tilling to perform some girl-on-girl.

Ron Jeremy playing a sleazy pornographer who tries to get girls to pose naked for his website? Unheard of! Actually, in all fairness, we believe that Ron would be more upfront with his models about the repercussions of appearing in porn–even softcore stills like these–but everybody knows it’s more fun to see Ron be a scummy dude who has his model drape a grimy towel over her face.

…Like any business that is a bedsheets Democrat but balance sheets Republican, Big Porn would up and move to a friendlier locale, leaving an unwashed mass of Libertarian guerilla pornographers to operate without the regulation that Porn Valley’s structure provides.

Trapped in the lizard brain of the uneven “Batgirl XXX” is a really good porn movie that is hindered time and again by porn’s rogues gallery: marble-mouthed delivery and slipshod attention to detail.

Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy are such talented kids; why couldn’t “Nina Loves Ron” give them the star vehicle they deserve? It’s still good, but it could have been pretty awesome.

Most low-budget weekend porn parodies have no choice but to look like they were made in a weekend, especially since Porn Valley has been on parody rations for the last several years. But “Family Guy XXX” is a pleasant exception.

There’s a theory that the reason why porn’s Golden Age turned out so many memorable movies in the ’70s and early ’80s — “Behind the Green Door,” “Deep Throat,” and “The Devil in Miss Jones” among others — was because American popular culture at the time was drowning in cheese. Disco, bell bottoms and cocaine meshed perfectly with the tacky chic of porn movies at the time.

While some male performers in the present day sport facial hair, it’s few and far between and usually a pair of mutton chops or a soul patch. But if there’s anything that defined that brief, brilliant moment of adult entertainment history, it’s the prevalence of the mustache on male performers.

Every once in a while, there comes a porn so shocking, so mind blowing, so wrong…that, well, you know it had to be put together by Lee Roy Myers. Yes, the man who brought you Marge and Homer getting it on has done it again, this time bringing “Family Guy” to porny life. (Although, we have to admit, this one is a little more obvious as XXX source material).

You know, our assessment that this movie “will Garfunkel your Simon” was a bit hastily made. “The Graduate XXX” is definitely an impressive movie, and it delivers more than its share of arousing action, but overall, it’s a disappointment. (Kind of like most college graduates these days. Zing!) The Graduate

Q: How is San Diego Comic-Con like massive porn show Exxxotica? A: It’s not, at all. Which, we suppose, is why sending Hal Rudnick to Exxxotica to ask pornstars questions about orcs, Star Wars, and D&D is so delightfully funny. (That, and we now have the awesome mental image of

Though it hurts us to say it, porn isn’t everything. Sometimes pornstars need a break from the endless routine of fucking, getting paid, and getting awards for fucking for cash! When they get weary of that world, they do some soul-searching, and they come up with awesome side projects like

You thought that if a porn parody were to make associations with a character created by Jodie Foster, more wholesome choices might have been “Nell” or “The Accused.” But Jessie Andrews and Tommy Pistol are tragilicious in “Taxi Driver.” Taxi Driver: An XXX Parody Studio: Pleasure Dynasty Director: General Stone

One of the coolest parts about this upcoming Paul Thomas parody is that they went so far as to parody the iconic soundtrack to “The Graduate.” That means we can comfortably use the phrase, “This movie will Garfunkel your Simon.” From what we can tell by flipping through the pictures

What are Lady Gaga, Larry King, Ron Jeremy, and Sarah Palin doing in a porn together? Absolutely nothing. They have no reason to be together and yet—because Gaga happens to be one of the biggest pop culture powerhouses around—Hustler and Axel Braun thought they could include anyone who’s ever been

Ron Jeremy has been famous for being Ron Jeremy for so long that many have forgotten he is still a porn performer. In a scene with Jordan Blue in “Tits,” Ms. Blue crosses the No List to deliver a pizza. Many pornstresses have a No List registered with their agents.

For one, it’s packing some of the best 3D imagery that I’ve seen in porn. Oh, and it also came with a free trading card! I got Alexis Texas as the Ghost Librarian! Her turn on: “riding her Sybian and reading historical nonfiction at the same time.” This Ain’t Ghostbusters

How does a porn adaptation of a campy tranny mad scientist movie turn out to be a morality tale? Strange things happen in “Rocki Whore Picture Show” that require further investigation. Rocki Whore Picture Show Studio: Wicked Director: Brad Armstrong Starring: jessica drake, Randy Spears, Mac Turner, Alektra Blue, Brad

If you like parody but you’re tired of it being limited to television shows and recent blockbuster movies, then you’ll probably love “Elvis XXX: A Porn Parody.” You’ll also love it if you want PBS documentaries combined with sex tapes. I like parody porn. I think it’s a great concept.