Leigh does it for daddy.
Abella gets it her way!
We tend to think that gonzo porn lends itself most ably to those who leave the DVD in the player and come back to it to find something new. A few minutes of action, a few flashes of dick and pussy, and you've jacked off into or onto whatever receptacle or consenting sex object you fancy at that moment. As such, it's something you enjoy in morsels, provided you're willing to look for something new in each scene.
When people get ahold of your written diary, it's an automatic disaster; they'll read it and learn all the crazy stuff you really think about them. When Casey Calvert's friends get their hands on her video diary, all they do is film themselves fucking with it. That's not so bad, actually!
There's no plot to speak of, but there's clearly a thread connecting all of the scenes in "Jack Attack 3," and that thread has to do with nurses. We like that! Doctors get all the respect, but nurses are the real heroes of the medical world: they're not afraid to get their hands dirty, and dirty is what humans are.
And just like that we realize how discomforting Studio Ghibli porn jokes are. Anyway, here we have Selena Rose as a helpful young woman who decides to take over her neighbor's delivery route, despite the fact that she can't drive and is too horny to have social graces!
Before they decide to tie the knot for good, Jesse Jane and Chad White are going to put their relationship through one final test: they're hunting humans for sport. Wait, sorry, wrong movie! Jesse and Chad are going to go to a swingers' resort, because they want to see what their marriage is like six years from now when they're bored of banging each other.
Well how about this? A Digital Playground film with no plot! It sure has been a while since we've seen one of these, and we have to admit that we feel a little lost without some drama guiding us through the forest of gams. We guess we'll have to invent our own scenes for everybody. It shouldn't be too hard with all the cowboy gear they're sporting.
Maybe yours does, but ours (Freelancer's Insurance, because we're all freelancers here) doesn't. For the kind of industry we work in, we desperately need it! What if we wake up one day and we feel psychosomatically blocked from any form of arousal? How are we supposed to write about porn if we can't empathize with the action we watch on the screen?
It's been five years since BiBi Jones and Lilly Banks graduated, but they haven't yet become adults worthy of strutting their stuff at their high school reunion. How will they mentally and emotionally prepare themselves for the awkward gauntlet of old classmates and long lost flames? Don't fret! Fate (and a bitchy former rival) will intervene.
You know what makes sleepovers so great? The lack of sleep! What other youthful institution is named such a blatant lie? (One Direction is neither singular nor direct, so there's that.) When else is it acceptable to wear pajamas with your homies and occasionally slip out of them for naughty games and gossip?
You ever been at dinner with a group of friends and nobody can keep their hands off their fucking cell phones? It's called the present, people: live in it. Times like that, we wish the towers would go down and everybody would have to deal with humans. There would be anarchy at first, but eventually, much screwing.
Actually, you know what a good anagram of bounty hunter is? "Run, honey butt!" We're pretty sure nobody says that to anybody else in this film, but it's still pretty appropriate, considering how many of the fugitives here have sweethearts who they bang shortly before being chased down by the fuzz.
Seriously, we always thought of pink slips as terrifying pieces of paper (or the things they race for at the end of "Grease"), but now we're coming up with all kinds of wet and rosy imagery! Anyway, this movie actually has little to do with Jesse Jane getting fired; it's more about her new job as an independent erectile dysfunction researcher.
We're actually damn proud of Digital Playground for this one. Telemarketing has to be one of the most under-represented careers in the porn industry! We recall Eva Angelina in such a scene in the past, but these people here went ahead and made a whole damn film about those lonely, hard-working, eternally-hated voices. It brings a tear to the eye.
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