It’s time for yet another clittastic Japanese adventure, courtesy of the versatile R-1 Controller — this time I’m exploring its sophisticated wank attachment called “Feel Mont Blanc”. I’m not sure my whacksperience was akin to mounting the highest Alpine peaks, but it was pretty exhilarating nonetheless. There’s more than meets the eye to this little guy.

The pervy minds at Rends have concluded that vibration plus rotation is where it’s at. And I’d have to agree with them. Now I’ve waxed admiringly on the R-1 controller, its accoutrements and standard bullet attachment, as they’re capable of getting up into some warp speed territory. This naturally comes into play here as well.

There’s something about the total supple softness of the materials used here that make this lightning speediness feel all kinds of pleasant. The Feel Mont Blanc is made of super squishy rubber with little fronds at the end that brush and tickle the clit (or that can be smashed down for full contact) in spite of its swingin’ swiftness. And here, the various modes finally — finally! — are distinctive and desirable in their differences. Check ‘em out below:

I actually found a couple that were truly superb. Instead of you having to finagle and finesse the toy yourself (I know, such a pain!) it does the work for you, and in quite remarkable ways. I loved the back-and-forth rapid twirling setting (I think it was number seven?). But yeah. Lube this baby up, pump it to seven, and, I sort of hate to say it, but, bumbling dude clit-lickers — you’re out of a job. There’s really no way to compare with space-age Japanese sex technology, which is a bit unfair. But, uh, I’m super glad they’re on top of this.

So, if you’re looking for a next-level vibratory experience, I’d say this is an excellent candidate. You do have to get yourself set up with the R-1 Controller starter set, but it’s kind of the gift that keeps on giving, what with a whole host crazy attachments for chicks and dudes. And… the Feel Mont Blanc definitely makes for one happy chickadee.

· Rends Toys (rends.jp)
· Buy the R-1 Controller Starter Set (comes w/ vibe) (toydemon.com)
· Buy the Feel Mont Blanc (toydemon.com)

Quiet as a clit-rockin’ mouse, the Crave Solo is. It’s true; there’s much to love about this elegant little vibe, but the quality that resonated most with me was its extremely subtle sound. That’s not to say this delightful dainty doesn’t pack a punch, though. Its purr rumbles like a lion, but at the volume of a kitty. And it’s kind of my newest little pet now.

The Solo is a strikingly simple yet quite beautiful new toy, as is a common theme with the Crave aesthetic. It comes fully charged and ready to go (magic!) and has a neat little USB port to power up with when running low. One end has three buttons — a power/mode button, and + and – to increase speed. The other side tapers to a flat end about half-an-inch long. Take a look!

I love the flat shape of the toy! As a straight-up clit vibrator, it provides a concentrated focal point of buzzing energy that’s perfect for precisely hitting that sweet spot just so. It also feels great to press that robust cusp against the nipples, balls (I imagine; Florabel’s flying solo these days), etc. Having a precise pleasure point is a lovely thing! It’s narrow enough that it could very easily be worked into a bang session, for sure. I hope to have this opportunity soon!

And, yes, the Solo has some modes like most vibes. For me these are usually take it or leave it; I prefer using my vibes pumped up and buzzing along. With this toy turned up all the way, it packs a nice little punch for sure. It’s surprisingly powerful for its size. And I’ve mentioned the quietness, which makes it a perfect room-adjacent-to-your-quietly-reading-roommate fap session.

The Solo comes with a leather carrying case, which is sorta cool, but bulks up the thing. If I were taking it along with me for the night, I’d just keep it as is in my bag; it makes for a very portable pleasure gadget. The little bag might be nice for tampons and such though.

Now, this thing ain’t cheap, that’s for sure. At $139 a pop, you better be damn sure you’re ready to invest in your clitoris. This is definitely a pretty and effective device, though, and if you’re splurging on your own good times, I don’t think you’d be disappointed. It also comes with a one-year warranty and great customer service, for what it’s worth. For me, the Solo further cements my crush on Crave, and I plan to spend many a fun fling with it.

· Buy the Crave Solo (babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

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I hadn’t really ventured much into the realm of sensual massage before… The only rubdowns I’d indulged in were basically hand or mouth-to-dick contact. I’m an advocate of prolonged foreplay, and touching people is cool, so it looks like there’s really no reason for me to shy away from this. Babeland’s Massage Candle makes it easy, fragrant, and slightly BDSMy — hey, I can get on board with that.

The candles come in three scents: Lychee Lime, Honey Almond, and Tobacco Sandalwood. I opted for the latter because I’m not one for super sweet smells. This is described as “warm and musky” and I’d say that’s pretty accurate. It makes for a pretty nice room-scenting candle just as is. But it’s got some tricks up its hot little sleeve, so let’s explore!

Firstly, I sort of forgot that the candle needs to, you know, melt in order to be usable as massage oil — it takes about half an hour to pool up enough to be poured, so be sure to factor that into your night of sensual lovemaking. Once it’s all molten liquid loveliness, however, you can pour away. Alternately, the 3 oz. candle comes with a neat little brush that can be poked into the wax if you don’t want to wait, or if you don’t like the warming burn of hot wax (what’s wrong with you?!).

I actually also sort of forgot that the point here is for the wax to morph into oil, and I was sort of waiting for the hot wax to harden, reminiscent of dipping fingertips into wax-puddled candles at restaurants or giant holiday ones at home. But no! The wax here doesn’t really harden (or not for a while), and instead turns into a moisturizing slick that can be rubbed into the skin.

Now, the wax naturally stings if you pour it directly onto the skin, but I really like that little, fleeting bristle of pain. It was great fun to experiment with having my partner close his eyes, so that he didn’t know when or where to expect that hot little spill. Then you trade places. This was a super exciting game! I recommend doing that.

But as one can imagine, running smears of oil aren’t the neatest thing, and if you’re not planning on washing your sheets right away just be a little careful. But laundry’s a bore, so I ignored that aspect of things. Your bed, your hair, and your body can get a bit messy, but if you’re having sexy fun, who cares? I like having the Massage Candle around as an option, and even if I don’t use it for partner-touching every time, I might just burn it for the smell. It’s a multitasker!

· Buy the Babeland Massage Candle (babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

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It’s no secret most chicks have a bit of a love affair with their Magic Wand-style Cadillac vibes. I am no different. Mine actually resides in a little nook right beside my bed, always plugged in and at the ready. We’re quite close. So, imagine my excitement when I found that accessories for my lovely friend exist — accessories made to harness that stupendous power and focus it on the g-spot. It’s like getting new clothes for your favorite doll, but with way more body-rockin’ orgasms involved (well, depending how you get your kicks).

You can see that this attachment is pretty straightforward — just put it on your wand like a neat little hat and get to vibrating. Now, my g-spot can be a bit tricky and usually needs some clitoral accompaniment to really rocket off. The design of this product is such that, while the inside is buzzing away at your spot, the outside also transmits those robust reverberations to your clit.

Of course the wand offers what is probably the most powerful vibration one can find when turned up all the way, and feeling this intensity upon my g-spot meant I was not long for this world. The deep, inner orgasm I’ve found is more all-encompassing than a clit-only deal (not to say those aren’t also amazing), but I was pretty darn thrilled with the results from this here attachment.

The only downside I saw was due to its (necessary) size. The head of these wand vibrators (or “vibrating massagers”) is quite wide, and though the buzzing upon my clit felt nice, there was a lot of vibrating surface area that almost, almost felt somewhat chafe-like as it engulfed my entire vulva. But this wasn’t very problematic as the whole encounter took a matter of mere minutes. If you wanted to slowly entice your g-spot, really wine and dine it in a leisurely pursuit, this may become an issue. But I was on the wham-bam train and that made me pretty happy.

So, I basically love this thing, and at half the price of similar models, and compatible with many wand-style vibes, it surely gets the job done. The fancier Gee Whiz attachment looks more elegant, and also features a “clitoral bump” which may aid with the surface area issue. But I’m sure either will have your body singing in no time. I’ll certainly be dressing up my wand for special occasions…

· Buy the G-Spot Wand Attachment and Body Wand (babeland.com)

· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

And hey, why don’t you follow Florabel on Twitter?
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There’s a huge variety of dick-shaped toys out there that vibrate, pulse, and wiggle up a storm — but they all require one fucking oneself with them. Enter Fun Factory’s Stronic Pulsator: a toy that aims to bang you as a lover would. Or at least simulate the thrusting that that entails. But is it an adequate substitute for when that booty-call falls through?

I’ve been excited to try this toy for a while — Lord only knows I’ve got all the different styles of vibrators under the sun (many reviewed for our own Marital Aid Test Kitchen!). And though some I’ve loved and some were “meh”, they’ve all been some variation of the same combination: vibration, modes, silicone. This is the first truly new type of vibrator/dildo I’ve tried and I did find it pretty darn unique.

It’s easy to control, with a big, red “Fun” button to power on and off. There are + and – buttons that increases the speed of thrusting, and scroll back and forth through the speeds and modes (ten different rhythms in total). Check them out below!

Now this is the kind of toy where the modes make quite a difference. Its thrust can be slow and steady, or a near-vibration like pulse. Some start out slowly, then crescendo to a rapid-fire pace. I found one or two that really struck my fancy. I was initially concerned that the toy needed to be held in place by hand, but found this wasn’t the case. It actually works better if lubed up and left to its own devices, which also leaves hands free for other uses (like manning a clit vibrator or engaging in nipple play, for starters). I was concerned about the toy sliding out, but didn’t find that was a problem at all. A pleasant surprise!

And its thrusting, while not quite as lovely as real life, feels pretty cool — it’s great against the vaginal opening, which I kind of discounted as a sensation-center before. My g-spot can be finicky, so it wasn’t really feeling the love from the Stronic. But the Stronic is quite nicely complemented by an external vibe, and the two in tandem made for an elevated masturbation experience.

Its price, however, could be prohibitive: at $199, it’s certainly not cheap. I would recommend this for the real vibrator/dildo connoisseur, whilst a noob might be better off getting familiar with something else first. As there’s no straight-up vibrating mode (although the rapidest thrusting gets pretty darn close), some might feel there’s a missing element here. And while there’s a small bump that looks to be placed for clitoral stimulation, for me it was too small and missed the mark.

Overall, though, I’m happy to have the Stronic Pulsator in my arsenal. I think getting clever with pillows and such might make this into a nice mini-Sybian style device. So, when I feel like flying solo, it’s gonna make a pretty decent partner.

· Buy the Stronic Pulsator (babeland.com)

· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

And hey, may as well follow Florabel on Twitter!
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Both of these sound delightfully sweet, but — en garde! It’s an epic battle of the bunny vibes, and we’re taking ‘em to task. In the ring: the $23 Bunny Kiss, up against its weightier cousin, the $89 Sugar Pop. Which sent us floating into a fluffy, luscious Candyland?

Now, I’m just going to go ahead and answer that question: it’s both. Just one took me on a little bit more of a scenic route. And though each one has its benefits and drawbacks, it was pretty darn fun to explore them all.

I’ll start with the affordable Bunny Kiss. This is a really nice, simple and straightforward vibe. It takes two AAA batteries (not included) and manages to pump out a surprisingly nice amount of power from them. It’s also pretty adorable, as you can see in the video below. Also visible is its nine different modes (well, three of them are straight buzzin’ with speed increases).

I must say, the modes are decent especially considering the punch its vibrations pack, but I do like taking things into my own hands on its highest speed. It feels great! The shaft on this li’l buddy might not be the lengthiest, but its bulbous end feels mighty nice inside, and coupled with the little buzzing bunny head perched atop your clit, it makes for a pretty sweet tag team. With just a bit of finagling, I found myself tingling from this Bunny Kiss.

Now for the Sugar Pop, which, at nearly four times the price of the Bunny, better be doing something special. And — it actually is. I’ve never tried a vibrator with a rotating shaft before, and I gotta say it was making for some fun and novel sensations (just be sure to use plenty of lube!). This toy takes a whopping FOUR AAA batteries, but that being said I was still at first skeptical of its power. Turns out that was sort of unfounded, as I found myself quite surprised at its megapurr.

The little alien butterfly clit-creature and the spinning shaft of the Pop have four speeds and five functions, which makes for a substantial amount of combinations. I really enjoyed mixing and matching these, and found playing around with the shaft ones was especially exciting considering it’s not just a pattern of pulses that changes — it’s the whole rotation and manner of movement that does. Finally, modes that make a difference! Check them out below:

Now, all the fancy-pantsedness of the Sugar Pop was fun, but it also turned me into a bit of a lazy masturbator, letting the toy do the majority of the work. I’m not saying that’s all bad though… sometimes you want to just lie back and get swept away without any acrobatics. That’s all well and good, and heck, I wasn’t complaining.

So — what’s the verdict? Well, I’d say if you’ve got about 100 bones to spend on a self-love, you may as well go for the Sugar Pop. It’s got so many sensations going on with its sugary bells and whistles! But if you’re looking to beat off on a budget, the Bunny Kiss will certainly get you there. And — it’s actually even more wallet-friendly right now with Babeland’s 15% off bunny promotion. Just add code: RABBIT at check-out.

These are both solid vibes, and we don’t think they need do battle. Let’s just all hug (and come) it out, shall we?

· Buy the Bunny Kiss (babeland.com)
· Buy the Sugar Pop (babeland.com)

· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

Aaaand, not done yet — hey, follow Florabel on Twitter!
And you may as well sign up for our sexy daily newsletter, too: bringing smut right to your box.

This little potion aims to pack a big punch, promising “a delightfully warm tingling sensation that takes already hot experiences over the top”. But, to be honest, I didn’t put much stock in its promise. Topical things — extended play lube, fiery/icy condom gimmicks — have always fallen flat for me. Nevertheless, I figured touching myself is better than not touching myself, and dabbing my fingers in this little tin first wouldn’t be any harm. But was it truly delightful?

Upon first opening up the Arousal Balm and taking a whiff, I was met with a minty-fresh blast, basically exactly like Burt’s Bees peppermint lip balm. Texture-wise, the two seem similar as well. This is all pleasant enough. So far, so good. I swiped my fingers in it, and proceeded to slick up my nips. Then waited. And waited. And really, I never felt all too much on the nipple front. I’m under the impression mine are sensitive as most, so was a little disappointed, although not really surprised, to find this the case. Especially after my whirlwind nipple adventure last week! But I could think of some other places to try this, so pressed on.

Meaning, then I pressed some balm onto my clit. And after just a couple seconds, I did feel a delightful tingle, not unlike showering with Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Soap. I suppose I have a lot of peppermint products in my life. But I really enjoyed the feelings the Arousal Balm… aroused, and it elevated my afternoon fap session (for work, people!) nicely. I don’t know if I can confidently say it increased the sensations my clit was feeling, but it was a nice change of pace to have a little something special going on down there, stimulation-wise.

Perhaps my favorite thing about this product, though, is the warming glow you’re left with when all’s said and done. And, actually, after cleaning off my nippes is when I felt the most action up thataway. So I was walking about my house, carrying on my business, with some sweet little reminders of the good times I just had. That’s fun! I imagine this would feel pleasant for a penis as well. I think the fun factor would be upped for couple’s usage, if only because this happy, dirty secret you’re carrying around via residual sensations would be twice the fun. Although, keep in mind this product is not compatible with latex condoms. But yeah.

Overall, this is an enjoyable novelty — I was happy to find that it did deliver on the stimulation front, but I’m not sure I’d necessarily bring it out for personal use all the time. Who knows, though. It might pair nicely with last week’s aforementioned experiment. Any penis commentary is welcome, as well (as always!). But when it comes down to it, this thing is only 6 bucks, and a little goes a long way. So, you know, novel your time away if you wish! My verdict is it’s a cute little spicer-upper.

· Buy Babeland Arousal Balm (babeland.com)

Also, follow Florabel on Twitter! It’s grrrreat.
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Despite any positive or negative feelings about it, I can truly say I’ve never used any toy quite like the Pure Wand. It’s 24 whopping ounces of solid stainless steel in the form of a smoothly curved shaft topped with a one inch and one-and-a-half inch ball at either end. Created as the ultimate indulgence in G-spot or P-spot (prostate) stimulation, does this hefty hitter deliver the knockout?

I honestly don’t usually gasp upon taking a toy out of its packaging, but the shininess (yes, I guess I share some raccoon-like qualities) and sheer weight of this toy had me gawking a little before getting down to business. Now, the first quality I noticed, as you’ve probably gathered by now, is how gosh darn heavy this thing is. I was a bit frightened, to be honest. But I knew I had to do this — for you, for me, for the Marital Aid Test Kitchen, and so I pressed on.

The Pure Wand is metal, so its temperature varies based on what it’s around. When at room temperature, the toy naturally felt quite chilly upon insertion. But I really loved how quickly it warmed up to match me, which the silicone toys don’t reach and hold so nicely. I also liked the unique feeling of fullness this toy imparted. But static sensations are not all this baby does! Now, I always couple my g-spotters with a vibrator as my spot doesn’t tend to respond without extra stimulation, so getting off with this thing was a two-hand job. Which is totally fine. But I was finding the load of the Wand to be pretty exerting (I do have weak li’l baby-strength arms) and found myself having to switch hands after getting tuckered out.

This ended up being enough of a detriment that I got kind of disappointed, but eventually came after some mild striving. I went to Babeland.com because I felt I must not be getting the most out of this toy. It has such high ratings that I didn’t want to give up after one mildly exciting go. After a bit of poking around the toy’s review section I found that most ladies touted the rocking of the toy, not straightforward thrusting. Aha!

Determined, I gave the Pure Wand another try. I actually coupled it with a more powerful vibe just to be sure I’d get a lot of bang for my time, and got to rockin’. The heft of the toy actually lends itself to this style of play. With just a simple tap at the other end, it would bounce back, seesaw-style. This is what I was missing! Well, I’m glad I gave this baby another whirl, because this sensation was quite distinctive. I actually heard a bit of a knocking sound, and I think it was the ball inside my vag hitting up against my mega vibe? It was sort of alarming at first but then I realized it felt amazing.

So, overall, the njoy Pure Wand is its own animal of dildo, a singular style of sex toy that fulfills (and how!) its own particular niche. I don’t think it’s something I’ll be bringing out on a daily basis or anything — this may have to do with my initial/ongoing trepidation, when it comes down to it — but I’m happy to have it amongst my legion of titillating trinkets. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to have at your bedside because I’m sure you could bash in the skull of any unwanted intruders. Added bonus?

· Buy the njoy Pure Wand (babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen
Photo via njoy

Follow Florabel on Twitter!

I’ve got a dildo problem. They’re overflowing from boxes under my bed, bursting forth from my closet, and it seems nearly every knock on the door brings another vibrating baby to my toy-laden arms*. But the Vanity Vr16 — this one I was actually anticipating, anxiously awaiting its arrival to my agglomeration. I’m familiar with its Vr kin, and they are good.

Or, at least I’m very familiar with the Vr 4.5, my hands-down favorite vibrator of all time. I wasn’t sure if the new kid on the block would be able to live up to its predecessor, which I find sheer masturbatory perfection, but had high hopes considering its lineage. So, to the brass tacks: it has a vibrating shaft that I can only describe as “wiggly”. Controlled by a button at the base, it can be made all jiggly from low to, well, still sorta low speeds. It’s topped by a bunny controlled by the other button, which ranges from light fluttering to hella vigorous, resounding vibrations. It’s best illustrated in living color, below.

Uhhh, yeah. It’s completely charged within three hours, lasts for days and even weeks on this charge (though it may not be operating at 100% after a span of time, it’s still plenty kickin’). It’s waterproof, feels satiny smooth, and is pretty quiet, especially if you don’t amp up the bunny all the way.

When first slipping that shaft inside me, I got it to wiggling and, to be honest, even at its highest setting didn’t feel all too much going on in there. But then — holy cow — when coupled with the bunny, everything became bolt-upright awakened. I guess my clitoris and g-spot have a high-five style partnership going on. I consider myself to be pretty accustomed to the most intense of clit vibing, but basically couldn’t even stand to have the bunny at full speed. There was no need. Now, I’m not sure if it was actually the wiggling of the shaft that brought all this to (such a) head, but all I know is these two elements working in concert were downright memorable.

Now, the lovely and admirable Vr16 does not come cheap. It retails for — eep! — $170. But if you want to splurge, or have a girl you want to be yours forever (or not, depending on what you’re trying to accomplish) this is most likely an awesome purchase. I can’t speak for every vagina, but I think the nicely sized shaft and the flexible, powerful bunny could make most any chick squeal with delight. I, for one, am very much looking forward to future squeals.

· Buy the Jopen’s Vanity Vr16 (babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen
Photo via Jopen

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*Slight exaggeration

Some parodies stand on their own and do not require the viewer to have any knowledge of the original. Some make an effort to fill in the gaps, and some, like “Terminator XXX,” assume that the audience has a pretty good knowledge of the Arnold Schwarzenegger franchise.

Terminator XXX

Studio: Hustler
Director: Axel Braun
Starring: Dick Delaware, Shylar Cobi, Bailey Blue, Brendon Miller, Leya Falcon, Melina Mason, Brett Rossi, Julia Ann

Review by: Gram Ponante

Dick Delaware (not Arnold Schwarzenpecker, a gonzo porn staple of the early 2000s) stars as The Terminator, a robot from the future sent to kill Sarah Connor, the mother of a robot-killing resistance fighter. Delaware materializes, in naked humanoid form, in an alley in which a gangbang is already taking place. He watches, impassive, while two dudes fuck a nice lady on a car, then he steals their clothes.

As director Axel Braun has already cleverly used the same sets for a straight and gay version of “Dracula,” the gay potential of “Terminator,” especially with this female-optional opening scene, seems apparent.

Delaware searches the fleshpots of 2029 Los Angeles to find Sarah Connor but finds as many mistakes as my Experian report. This sets the stage for a few sex scenes. Why he does not 1. ejaculate hydraulic fluid and/or 2. kill the false Sarah Connors rather than fucking them is a narrative mystery.

Into the mix comes John Reese (Brendon Miller), a resistance fighter from the future sent to save Sarah Connor and ensure the birth of the rebel leader. He locates the real Sarah Connor (the beautiful Bailey Blue) and the film avoids an expensive and awkward exposition scene, skipping instead to this dialogue:

“So basically. What you’re saying is. I’m the mother of. The King? Of the Future?”

Miller is directed to play Reese for comedy, but the movie is so half-hearted already (most of the scenes are so dark already they appear to be a Wicked film), and the script so weak, that it often falls flat, but not for lack of trying.

The best bits come toward the end, where the film makes the Sophie’s Choice between the obligatory pop shot and the narrative necessity of Reese impregnating Sarah with the future hero of the resistance. Later, when the Terminator is crushed in an industrial compactor, we see that one part of him is still, like SkyNet, self-aware.

This movie is a tough sell, but for the scenes with False-Connor Julia Ann and Bailey Blue. Delaware doesn’t have all that much to do, Miller is given poor direction, and the special effects throw light on the half-assedness of the movie as a whole.

It is obvious, though, that a lot of work and professionalism went in to “Terminator XXX” (which comes in a 3-D version, too). We can’t discount the whole movie just because it aimed too high. It’s high-profile pictures like this that could really benefit from a meatier script and more thoughtful direction.

· Hustler (hustler.com)
· Buy “Terminator XXX” (gamelink.com)

[Show as slideshow]

A wink can be a cutesy, charming flirtation that gets one’s attention in oh-so-subtle a manner. Just as quickly it can become a a sleazetastic creeper move that gives one the willies. The Wink by Crave falls into the former category, and backs up its coquetry with a powerful vibrating motor that turns that tease into a sweet and enchanting orgasm machine.

The first thing I noticed about the Wink was, naturally, its packaging. All too often sex toys illustrate their fanciness and worth through a labyrinthine tangle of boxes within sleeves within boxes, which I’ve never really found the appeal of (they all end up in the ol’ pleasure chest anyway). But here it comes in a small, cardboard sheaf that’s elegant in its simplicity, and states right on it that they believe “excess packaging is a waste”. So I’m on board from the outset.

And really, the toy should be able to speak for itself — which I believe the Wink does well. Upon taking it out of the box, I found the thing to have a nice heft, with a sleek and pretty exterior. It’s actually so simple and discreet I wouldn’t mind taking it anywhere. It takes a AAA battery (included!) and can be fired up right out of the box. After removing the battery cover and putting it back together, a simple twist gets it rared up and ready to go. The video below illustrates:

I included a video so you could get an idea of the size, and also hear how powerful this motor is (also I just got a manicure, so why the hell not). The toy is advertised as “virtually silent”, which I must disagree with… Under a thick down comforter and with some music playing, perhaps. But I’d rather have power than silence — plus, I mean, chicks masturbating is totally cool, so if anyone around you knows, whatever. Lucky them!

But yes, overall the Wink is a beautiful and effective vibrator, and one that has definitely earned its way out of the pleasure chest box under my bed and onto the nightstand. Seriously! It’d be great for coupling with a dildo, utilizing during boning, or basically anytime you want to get off. The only issue is, with its spot by my bed I fall prey to its coy li’l wink perhaps a bit too often. I’ll just revert to my “chicks masturbating is cool” philosophy on that one.

· Buy the Crave Wink (babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

This is a cat o’ nine tails style flogger of soft and slappy suede, with a beautiful, hand-blown handle. That acts as a dildo. I’m not sure if this is common on the whip market, but my mind was sort of blown. And then my (figurative) load. I’m kind of a slave for you now, Icicles whip.

Now this toy I suppose is foremost created for flogging… but for me, the Icicle’s tails ended up falling secondary to its lovely hilt. Now I may be a bit fixated because this is, strangely, my first foray into the glass dildo dominion. I’ve tried a whole host of buzzing, shaking, bendy, rigid, shafty friends, whose company I all enjoy. But this is different. There aren’t any crazy polyvinyl PVC formulas or scientifically determined patterns or anything that set this apart. Just sleek and elegant glass carved in a way that insertion alone is a unique sensation. Whether you keep it out and go for the invigorating surprise of inserting this baby cold, or warm it up (hopefully through hands engaged in the heat of flogging a loved/hated one) there’s much to love.

At the end of the shaft you’ll find a largish ball, which gets things started quite nicely — coupled with the sleek swirls twirling up the handle’s side it makes for a real vagina-awakening tingle. And once inserted, the ball provides amazing G-spot finagling: as the dildo itself is quite lengthy (I’d guess maybe around 8 inches?), you can go as deep or shallow as you prefer. I coupled a rapid in-out of the shaft with the buzz from a li’l vibe, and as the glass and I started warming up nicely, we quickly entered an ecstatic reverie. Good times!

I can’t sell the flogging portion of the toy itself short, however. I really enjoy that these tails are crafted from double-sided suede, such that light blows and tickles can really be softly fuzzy. Yet there are enough of them that a solid wallop indeed packs a cracking, skin-marking punch. And then the softly fuzzy suede can be trailed across any burgeoning blows in a bit of a soothing caress. It’s the best of both worlds!

But still, I’ve gotta say my favorite part is still the extra world that comes to you via that shaft. I’m not sure if it’s the ball at its head or the heaviness and body warming feeling of glass that I most enjoyed, but I’m a fan. Plus the flogging capability? It’s like a reversible jacket, but fraught with sexy times instead of questionable fashion. I hope to venture deeper into the glass toy forest soon, but in the meantime I’ll be flogging and dicking myself to carnal calefaction with the Icicles whip.

· Buy the Icicles Whip (babeland.com)
· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

Photo via Pipedream

You may remember when Ottimo put his dick at the mercy of the A10 Cyclone. That particular toy is just one of a whole host of add-ons created for use with the R-1 Controller, an amazing little wonder that serves as matriarch for a crazy Japanese sex gizmo lineage. There are apparati for dudes, chicks, dude/chicks or anyone with stimulatory parts — and today I’ve given the oddly named Predator Wand a whirl. And, well, I’m game.

Now, the first thing to understand with this toy is the aforementioned R-1 Controller base. It’s truly wonder mechanism that uses iPod-style controls. The up and down buttons manage vibration speed, while left and right are in charge of vibration patterns. Once you’ve got that straight, they allow you to swing back and forth, up and down, and across modes and intensities like a champ. The side switch which powers the whole thing on and off also has a lock setting which keeps your current chosen combination in place no matter how wild the ride gets. And pumping this thing up to 7 (its highest) in vibration speed is mighty, might strong. Yes!

Now onto the wand itself. It’s a fine vehicle for imparting that crazy R-1 power to an array of ladyparts. At this point I’ve made it pretty clear I’ve got much affection for good clitoral lovin’, and the Predator Wand (seriously, what’s up with that name?) delivers. And, for once in my life, the patterns of the R-1 are actually really fun. I think it’s because the thing is so damn strong level 7 can be hard to take at full blast — but the modes sort of tease you there, with a really nice payoff. And with names like “Deer Scarer” and “Vehicle” (indeed, the modes are named!) there are many facets to enjoy.

The toy also has a rigidly flexible (if that makes sense) neck and head, which can be bent and angled in concert. I found, though, that jamming this inside myself at any sort of jaunty masturbatory pace would kind of void any cool bendy shape after just a bit anyway. But that’s okay! It still felt quite nice what with the vibration strength and patterns, and as the toy is nearly 7 inches long, it can reach pretty darn far in there.

So overall, I’m really pleased with the Predator Wand, but I’m not sure if it’s wand itself so much as that marvelous R-1 controller that I’ve fallen in love with. I’ve got a few more attachments to check out which I’m thrilled about, but I will certainly, erm, ravage? Devasate? Pillage? Despoil? myself with the Predator Wand in the meantime.

· Rends Toys (rends.jp)
· Buy the R-1 Controller Starter Set (comes w/ vibe) (toydemon.com)
· Buy the Predator Wand (toydemon.com)

Well, a whole freakin’ eyeful, that’s for sure. Yes, this is one of the more hardcore things my (hardly) innocent young eyes have beheld. Known to me only as CMC_109, there’s a whole world of dank and dirty smut in this particular file. Pig-faced bondage! Slave maids in closets! Operatic sensual food-eating! Forced massive enemas! I don’t know whether to feel aroused or exhausted.

I’ll first give this whole pornventure a little context. I recently went on a trip to Japan, and on my first night ventured into a bit of a red light district where I found an adult store. After perusing a bit, I tried to find the freakiest-looking DVD I could find (although I was a little underimpressed with the cover stories, I must say). Anyway, I wasn’t yet familiar with the transfer rate between dollars and yen, so easily plopped down ¥4800. The store clerk was very grateful and thanked me profusely, which I believed would be true of most everyone in Japan (it was). After I left the store and whipped out my trusty transfer rate app, I found that I’d just dropped $56.87 on one porn. Ah, well. Learning. But I digress. I think the best way to venture through the ominous CMC_109 is to just go along through the plot together. Which also happens to take place around Christmastime! How appropriate. Let’s commence, shall we?

From what I can gather through subtext, the film centers on a maid and chef who work in a hotel. It opens with a phone call between the chef and a hotel guest, who is later found to have a bound-up Japanese babe face-down, ass-up upon his bed. The chef proceeds to show the maid something on his phone (perhaps the caller’s name?) which then prompts her to go to the bathroom to cry/masturbate. A propensity we’ve all felt at one time or another, I’m sure. As she’s carrying on, the chef sneaks his phone between some slats in the door to snap a picture of the weepy/fingerbangy handmaiden.

After she emerges, he informs her that he knows what she’s been doing and shows her the picture. Obviously, he then gets out the pink intrapanty dildo he carries around and forces her to wear it beneath her maidgown. She then has to carry on her room service and other duties while being buzzed by that naughty chef.

Then we’re taken back to the hotel guests, who are still positioned with the lady trussed up on the bed, while the dude walks with purpose through the room. To fetch his giant water bowl and enema syringe, of course. That looks somewhat like this:

And, I was sort of still on board at this point — but what goes up an ass, one should presume, must come down again. It looks like glass bowls are aplenty round these parts, and so after his lady climbs upon a table, she squats over a fresh one and proceeds to release torrents of shit-laden enema water into it. And this is where my oddly extant boner died. Quickly.

Hey, my feelings exactly, friends! How strange is it that any genital must be blurred, yet it’s perfectly acceptable to show an asshole getting pumped full of water and then close-up crapping it back out?

Nevertheless, after this asstastic debacle, our maid returns to the kitchen where the chef allows her to remove her undie-dildo in exchange for binding her to a chair and bringing out some freaky noseclips that render her into a little bit of a piglet. (This image actually emblazons the cover and actually is one of the reasons I chose it as “super freaky”.)

And while she’s up there, because this is the good ol’ Enema Inn, the chef gets out his own ass-water gear and sets her up. And this turdwater bowl debacle happens again, but this time while he’s dripping copious amounts of candlewax all over her body. The film moves from a shitwater/candlewax soaked anus to glorious feasting by the guests.

I’ve actually seen insanely sensual food-eating in non-porn Japanese films, and I suppose there is an undeniable connection between indulging in various sensual delights. Yet, it’s still odd. Odd still. Primarily because my appetite had been evacuated by the proceedings of the last scene. On its own, though, not a bad vignette.

This slightly maniacal feasting gives way to our maiden hero, again trussed up on the table, but this time she’s acting as a serving platter for some whipped cream and fresh fruits. What a doll! After the chef and the guests lay waste to her spoils, I caught one of the few Japanese phrases I do know: Oy shi katta! Which translates to “That was delicious”. Indeed!

And because everything winds back onto itself, candlewax makes its way back into the scene. The maid has gotten all cleaned up and has fallen asleep upon the table. While they drip wax devilishly close to her, and then wish each other Merry Christmas.

Although this could be a joyful ending, complete with a good night to all and to all a good night, we just know it can’t be the end. Our sleeping maid has apparently done wrong again, and gets fettered yet again, this time with a delicate mouth-contraption that she can use to hold mini glasses of the chef’s beer. How droll! When she keeps dropping it, chef gets very angry, but it must be hard to keep things afloat when getting vigorously whipped. I feel ya, girl.

But of course she’s gotta be punished for her gross misdeeds. Next time we find our lady, she’s crouched in a closet. And finally — finally! — we see some “action”. If you can believe it, all this commotion has carried us through the first hour of this 90 minute porn, and there’s been no sex of oral, vaginal, or anal varieties. Well, that’s about to change, because she’s in perfect position to take on that angry ween of his.

And now, finally, we’ve earned some blurry P-in-V passion. Of sorts. She sort of weepily rides his dick, then is pushed to the ground where he missionary-bangs her. Next is the blazing, glorious cumshot! Hey, we’ve earned it!

Oh, actually, it’s the tiniest li’l load we’ve ever seen. That’s cool, though. We just swam through turd-hampered water and pignoses and closeup maw chewing, and we’re rewarded with a teensy little splash that spans a quarter boob. Oh well.

But friends, we’ve made it to the denouement. It looks like the chef and maid have worked out a nice little dealski where food, bondage, and degradation all combine! The very last moment finds her burying her cream-crusted mouth (because naturally she was eating fruits ‘n’ cream outta her bowl) into the pantsed crotch of the chef. A happy family portrait if we’ve ever seen one.

And we have this gentleman to thank for it all:

Only “kai”. So, thanks dude! Now we sort of want to cry and masturbate as well. And wonder what other crazy shit lies behind the curtains an American chick in a Tokyo smut store couldn’t even hope to see…

Ah, the We-Vibe Thrill — it’s yet another entrant into the “g-spot/clit-spot dual vibe that’s got it all!” ring. And of course I can’t wait to jump in for a round. But does it live up to the name, or is it a total bore?

First things first, just aesthetically the Thrill is a bit of an odd bird. It’s pretty masculine, lacking the soft curves and rosy pastels of most lady vibes. That’s not necessarily an inherent negative, but this toy was reminiscent of a tiny version of the portable Dirt Devil vacuum from my childhood. Anyway, we all know not to judge a book by its cover, right? Moving on.

The Thrill charges up through a magnetic attachment on a cord that fits any USB adapter plug (move over, iPhone!) and is ready to go in 90 minutes. Not the fanciest of charging mechanisms I’ve seen, but convenient and effective nonetheless.

But let’s get to the fun part! So the curved end of the toy is supposed to go all up in you, while the flat part beneath the li’l handle is to be smashed against the clit for some buzzy stimulation. Or, maybe it’s not supposed to be smashed per se, but that’s basically what I had to do to get any effect there. I’m actually not sure exactly where the motor lies but it definitely required a good bit of finagling to get to those sweet vibrations — and even then it wasn’t so fantastic.

However! The g-spot component of the toy got some faint buzz itself, but with its perfect curvature, that hardly mattered. Yes, this had a quite lovely time hitting my sweet spot, and with the addition of a real clit vibrator — I went with my beloved Pocket Toyfriend –it really made me (figuratively) sing.

And though the handle itself is in a bit of an awkward position to be really helpful in a raucous self-bang, I believe it would be amazing, ergonomic and convenient in the hands of another. Fun, right?

Overall the We-Vibe Thrill doesn’t knock it out of the park as far as covering all lady needs at once, but if you’d like a handy little g-spot vibe for you or a friend to wield, it’s quite a nice little buddy indeed.

· Buy the We-Vibe Thrill (babeland.com)

· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

Ah, Jimmyjane. Making a girl fall in love over, and over, and over again. And the Form 6 is just as dashing as the rest of its family. It’s a powerful, versatile vibrator with a motor on each end, and a lot of good times in between. Be still, my heart (and clit).

The elegant adventure begins with some pretty cool cordless charging technology that eliminates the need for any port jack, effectively making the entire surface of the Form 6 up for grabs. (It’s pictured in the photo above). And I’m not sure if the scientists at Jimmyjane planned this or not, but the smooth metal band that makes up the charging portal actually creates a cool sensation when being slipped inside. It’s a win-win!

But now for the important part — the power quotient. The more curved end is outfitted with a motor that’s meant to create more intense, concentrated vibes that are perfect for clit and G-spot play, while the other, wider end has a smoother rumbling motor that feels quite nice however you use it.

I’m personally a huge, huge fan of clit-stimulating toys; they’re really my jam. I absolutely love that one end of this is designed with this purpose in mind. When first starting this baby up, that’s the end that jumps into action. Its vibrations are powerful and had me humming right along. This end is also supposed to be curved in a way that it can tickle the G-spot real good. I tend to have a really finicky one myself, and this did manage to seek it out, but I still needed an extra toy to use as clit partner to really get me off good. Those out there with a more receptive G-spot might not need anything more.

The other end of the toy is cool, too. It’s wide enough that it feels pretty substantial when inserted, and its vibes are none too shabby either. The only issue when using this end for penetration is that the control buttons become pretty much unreachable — being that they’re basically inside one’s vagina and all. But if you’re settled on a mode that feels good, this isn’t problematic. If you’re a pleasure-time scroller, then it’s an issue.

Speaking of scrolling, the buttons of the Form 6 are pretty standard. Plus and minus control speed/intensity, while there’s a separate button to scroll through the modes. Our platonic ideal of sex toy controls would include an option to scroll back and forth from mode to mode, but oh well. The first mode awakens just the clit end, the second enacts just the wide end, the third turns them both on, and then there are three patterns that utilize a pretty fun interplay between the two. I’ve never been a huge fan of modes, but there are some interesting sensations to be had with dual motors.

Overall, the Form 6 is an excellent, versatile vibrator that is a welcome companion to my bedroom’s toy box. It got me off, and got me off good. It’s a great adaptable toy thats only limit is your imagination. And in my imagination, the Form 6 is sort of my new boyfriend.

· Buy the Form 6
· Jimmyjane

· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen

Porn Valley sends what relief it can to our East Coast friends. No wizened and taut piece of sex jerky will do when you’re hunkered down against Sandy. Instead, here’s Vicky Vixen with her own Con Ed explosion.

DreamZone’s “Cute & Curvy” (directed by Vivid emigre B. Skow) is a great, rolling care package for those of you stuck in your haunted farmhouses and fifth-floor walkups. Yes, you’ve stocked up on Fluffernutter and Bailey’s, but have you really thought about what porn you should have? In addition to Miss Vixen offering her rolling landscape to an appreciative Lee Stone, we have Fleshbot staple Siri doing that thing where she mashes up (your) penis between her breasts like she’s muddling ingredients for a hot cocktail.

Transplanted East Coasters and hurricane survivors as we are over here, we know the giddy feeling of being temporary shut-ins—provided we are safe otherwise. And in such situations no bag of bones will do. There’s no safety in a knobby-kneed minx with a great rack and artificial lips—that’s for Halloween. No, you need someone who generates her own heat.

We wish you the best as you ride out the storm, and we’ll see you on the other side.

·Follow Vicky Vixen on Twitter
·Follow Gram Ponante on Twitter

· DreamZone (vantagedist.com)
· Buy “Cute & Curvy” (tlavideo.com)

[Show as slideshow]

Two Eurodouches walk into a bar, and Cathy Heaven is ready for them, with her amazing breasts and peelaway pants. But if this is the way business gets done over there, no wonder the Euro is in trouble.

The two fellows arrive at a lull in the evening’s business, apparently, as only the lovely Cathy Heaven is on duty. They eye-fuck her for a while as she pretends to polish some glasses, but then the trios abandon all pretense of saving the Eurozone and fuck on the bar.

And Thank God for that, but as the leonine Heaven peels off her red t-shirt, she reveals a pair of pasties twirling from her Airbuses, and they remain for the whole scene.

Here in Los Angeles we are used to affectations: accessory dogs, tattoos, calf implants, etc. But why the pasties? It makes no sense. Perhaps Heaven had just had her boobs done and director “The Voyeur” thought the pasties would distract from the nipples? It didn’t work.

But no matter, because then Heaven crawls across the bar sporting a pair of skin-tight easy-access jeans that are so versatile that you can get fucked in them.

Heaven’s tryst opens the 5-scene “Divine Whores.” Why are they divine? We do not know. The Vatican has refused our calls. If not divine, then at least pretty awesome. “Pretty Awesome Whores,” it should be called.

Or maybe “Just Because You’re Wearing Pasties Doesn’t Mean What You’re Doing on the Bar Is Sanitary, Cathy Heaven.”

· Harmony Vision (harmonyvision.com)
· Buy “Divine Whores” (tlavideo.com)

[Show as slideshow]

Taking a peek into the world of Erotic Snap is a journey to a landscape of lush, romantic, sweeping cinema-porn, populated by gorgeous women and hunky dudes in various states of totally getting it on. Oh, and they also have Caprice, which is a boon no matter where ya are.

Erotic Snap is definitely quite X-Arty in nature, but that’s one of our faves, so the more the merrier in that whole “pretty porn” niche. One difference here may be that the sensual smutty offerings here provide a bit of narrative. Hey, we like stories. And those that interact with straight up erotica? Yes, please. Check out this trailer for a porny porn called “Cat and Mouse” below.

See what we mean? And in addition to luxurious widescreen, high definition flesh flicks, there’s an expansive catalogue of salacious galleries in which lovely ladies are found in various compromising positions — engaging in solo play with fancy toys, paired and grouped up with other babes and studs, or simply sittin’ pretty on their own. These are also prefaced with little tales surrounding the shoot, giving a more intimate feel to it all. Further, they truly are solid in the babe category, with some appearances by favorites from Fleshbot Babe land including the aforementioned Caprice, pretty redheaded Kami, Shyla Jennings, and more.

The site is updated every week with content optimized for computers, tablets, and smartphones so you can have your smut and eat it (anywhere), too. Erotic Snap aims to provide the “ultimate online experience” that’s more than just a portal for porn. There’s a blog that gives some context to the girls, shoots, and the site at large, along with a forum that welcomes viewer votes and comments under the premise of taking them to heart and keeping the Snaps audience satisfied.

Overall, Erotic Snap is a pretty comprehensive outlet for lovers of softer, more romantic filthiness. Because beauty and explicitness need not be mutually exclusive, we’re on board. The site is pleasant to navigate, the babes are fine, and the sex is bangin’. Yes, we like.

· Take a gander at the ladies of Erotic Snap

Here I am with another installment of Splurge vs. Steal — where I delve into which sex toys really give you the most bang for your buck. Today I was vibin’ up a storm, pitting the little Buzzing Blossom against the Smart Wand by Lelo. I got off with both (I always make sure of that), but I prefer taking a direct route to Climaxville. Scenic trails, be gone with you — get me to my destination. Which chariot sailed smoothest?

I’ll start with the Buzzing Blossom. It’s cute enough: petite, fun, floral-like, and super flexible at the head. It takes two AAA batteries, and as such, is basically just medium powerful. The interface is pretty standard — one button for on/off, and another to scroll through the modes. Being that it’s not the strongest gal on the block, the modes were just all right, although there was a quivering type one that was enjoyable if not enough to carry me all-the-way away.

But I felt that the petals of the “blossom” were almost a hindrance, getting in the way of its (diminutive) full power. They’re nice for a light, fluttery tickle, but they also sort of block the main hub of the toy, whence the vibrations emanate. I actually modified mine a bit by snipping off two of the petals, which resulted in an awesome, dual-action sensation. Or, sort of, because it’s still not that powerful. Also, the supreme flexibility of the neck I found somewhat thwarting, because as you’re maneuvering and fappity-fapping, it kind of deflects maximum pressure/contact against the clit with its wiggly ways.

One pro, though, is that it’s small — about the size of, well, a hot dog, and being battery-operated, is pretty darn portable. Since my dog ate my beloved Pocket Toyfriend the Buzzing Blossom is another option, but since it’s larger and less effective I may just have to invest in a new Toyfriend. But if you’re interested in buzzing on the go, totally viable!

Now onto Lelo’s Smart Wand. This is a cordless version of the legendary Hitachi Magic Wands we all love so much. A two-hour charge gives two hours of “massage” power, and, it’s decently strong — a good deal stronger than the Blossom. It’s elegant and pretty like all Lelo things. The interface has a + button to turn it on and increase vibration speed, a central button to scroll through modes, and a – (volume down) button to decrease speed in any mode. And… modes, schmodes. That’s all I have to say.

However, at its direct vibrating height, the Smart Wand is pretty potent, and I appreciate its simple straightforwardness — no blossoms or bendy heads, just pure vibrator-to-clit power that gets the job done. Its silicone is pleasantly soft to the touch, fits nicely in the hand, and the toy generally feels nice all around while in use.

But let’s get down to the brass tacks. I honestly wouldn’t spend $40 on the Buzzing Blossom unless you’re looking for a mobile, novelty vibrator. It just wasn’t powerful enough. And the Smart Wand? Well, it’s nice, but it’s actually three times more expensive than the good, old-fashioned Hitachi.

So, unless cordlessness and an elegant look is really that important to you, I’d just go with that powerhouse and be done with it. I suppose each of these toys fulfills a different sort of niche need, but when it comes to buzzing towards happiness, looks and portability just aren’t as important to me as getting off, all powerful-like. We’re all free to vibe our own way, of course, but I prefer a toy that can buzz me into oblivion.

· Buy the Buzzing Blossom (goodvibes.com)
· Buy the Smart Wand by Lelo (goodvibes.com)
· Buy the Hitachi Magic Wand (goodvibes.com)

· Previously: Fleshbot’s Marital Aid Test Kitchen