Look, when you have to check your legs, you have to check your legs, even if you’re on the red carpet at Cannes! We can’t fault Eva Longoria for anything. Perhaps she should’ve ran a quick mental checklist on her outfit, but she probably had a lot on her mind! She certainly doesn’t have a lot on her crotch.
We normally turn to them as bastions of goodness and truth, gentle beacons lighting our path through the murky woods of life. But sometimes we turn to them for their MILFy tits and questionable taste in fuck-dudes, and hey, that’s cool too. Because a doggystyle MILF-bang is illuminating in its own right.
It’s that time of year, when you can find a disgusting rusted metal boat floating in some isolated lake, tear off all the trappings of society, lay back, and make sure your inner labia is just the right shade of whatever.
To be real, we could watch Lorelei Lee read the back of a cereal box and be engrossed. On the other hand, thank gooooodness Lorelei Lee chose the profession of “epic porn star” and not “epic back of cereal box reader” (we’re assuming that would be some sort of performance art thing).
We’re not sure if it’s medically validated, but we’re pretty sure facials are great for your health. They’re great for skin, they elevate seratonin levels, and they strengthen tooth enamel (hence the importance of the smile). But, uh, okay. In reality these likely factoids aren’t 100% true. But that doesn’t really matter to us! Because they make us feel good, that’s all.
That Mandy! She really knows how to have a good time — yet also remain green and efficient. You see, once she drinks all the vodka from the bottle, she hops aboard the whole “Reuse, recycle, reduce” train and re-utilizes that thing as a stellar masturbator! She should probably be the spokesbabe for some nationwide campaign where everyone sends all their recyclables to her, to bang them. We think that makes sense as a plan. Who said environmental consciousness couldn’t be smoking hot?
‘Tis a lovely place to be, we gather — at least from this video evidence. Just piledriving your voluptuous lover’s ass until you bust a load deep inside her… Ahh. It makes us feel effervescent as a tall glass of champagne. That we kind of want to suck down then scoot aside so that we can engage in our own cool piledriving fun. Doesn’t that sound fun for everyone?
It seems like an innocent enough question, especially when a whirring Magic Wand is being held to your clit, a dude is fucking you in the ass, and another is choking you out — under any normal circumstances (heh!) you’d come your little heart out a thousand times. But, Kaci Star, you’re within the walls of the Kink armory now, and things are a little different here. So… can you come? No.
Why, just look at the little smile on that Hitachi Magic Wang! Everyone’s having a ball at this get-together. And we’re invited, too! Somebody better break out the popcorn and beer, because it’s a real party now. The sexy orgasm kind of party.
It might seem like an equation that doesn’t add up, but believe you me, sluts defy all logic and make it work. That’s the great thing about ‘em… Where there’s a slut there’s a way. In addition to their science-defying dexterity, they’re also great at 69ing and BJs. What’s not to love?
Or there’s a good chance this cameraman will shove a makeshift gag in your mouth! But, uh, those are the kind of chances we like to take because we like playing a little rough. We’ve got an inkling this babe is cut from the same devilish cloth. So we say sing your heart out, lady! Who knows where things might go next…*
The literal kind, that is. Although hey, in the right context the human kind of walking asshole jerk is kinda funny to have around too. But still, we prefer the type that can be licked and fucked and admired like a pretty gal in her Sunday best. So, like — this kind. But instead of it being all dolled up in ribbons and lace it’s clad in two spectacular asscheeks that we just want to nuzzle and squeeze. And then push the hell out of the way so we can fuck that ass. Sorry; it’s just how we feel.
Florence Dolce is gazing longingly at something out across the sea. What could it be? Is her ship going to come in? Someone to give her the solid pounding she so clearly deserves and yearns for? Perhaps she’s a narcissist and what she really wants is another babe who looks just like her to sail up on the horizon and make all her dreams come true. Someone with tweakable nipples and flawless skin and legs to get all tangled up in and a very very kissable cunt? Ok, we’ll just leave you with that image.
You know when you have a projector screen and you are trying to pull it down from the ceiling and you already have to balance a stack of hardcover rare comics on top of a kitchen chair and still stand on your tip-toes because you’re sooo short and all of your friends that came over to watch Drag Race on your fancy projector are also all really short and you can’t quite figure out how to pull the screen down just right to keep it from catching or collapsing completely and you stand there like an awkward ballerina getting more and more frustrated? Maybe you should have just invited naked models over to project onto instead. Problem solved.
We are really into the subgenre of porn that involves oiling up juicy asses and making them bounce around before fucking. Booty bouncing is totally the new lava lamp. We just wanna watch wet butts jiggle enthusiastically all evening to unwind.
