You get one big boobed brunette (India Reynolds) sharing her thoughts and opinions on ninety-nine other brunettes (celebrities, models, socialites, etc), and before you know it, everything you see is brown–or rather, very many shades of brown, from chestnut and auburn to mahogany and chocolate. We’re just happy they didn’t call this “100 Shades of Brunette.”

We’re not saying these boobs aren’t spectacular, we’re just saying that they’re mostly from America and the U.K. and 93% of them are white. What we need is a lad’s mag that’s willing to scour every inch of the Earth, climb to remote mountainside villages, and find the hidden breasts of legend.

Get it? She’s not wearing clothes! (But don’t tell her that, we have a good thing going here!) Ah, anyway, the real sweet part of this spread is that it satisfies one of Holly Hagan’s dreams: to be on the cover of Nuts. “Everyone told me I’d never do it. I bet they walk around Tesco, see me on the shelf, and are absolutely gutted.”

For a second, we thought the theme of the article was “Big Babes With New Boobs” and featured giantesses with freshly enhanced racks. Sadly, this isn’t the case. Someday the lad’s mags of the world will feature babes like Elisany da Cruz Silva, but today is not that day. Now, onto the tig bitties!

Remember how Sophie Howard retired from lad’s mag modeling? Well now she’s un-retired! And she considers this welcome back shoot to be one of her finest moments, adding, “It feels a bit like losing my virginity again.” Uh, really? “Thankfully, though, this has been better than losing my virginity as that was a bit crap!” Oh, cool, we think, we don’t know anymore.

What’s wrong, Beth? Why are you in the corner? Are your tights bothering you, did they hurt you? No, that’s not it. Are you upset because of all the outtakes Nuts put on their website for everyone to ogle? Oh, Beth, there’s nothing bad about outtakes! They’re raw and beautiful, just like you, you silly thing.

Nuts just came out with “The Girls of Nuts – Lingerie Special 2013,” and it’s pretty much page after glorious page of busty British babes spilling out of their fancy bras. We kind of feel bad for those undies, you know? Somebody crafted that lace with care and love, and all we want is to see it torn apart as Rosie Jones goes all Incredible Hulk with her chest and sends shreds flying across the room.

First of all, can we honestly call this the boobiest version of anything when Lucy’s ass is pictured? Replace that ass with some boobs and then we’ll talk. Until then, we’re going to be raising our eyebrows and questioning Nuts’s dedication to tits.

We feel a little self-conscious about posting lad’s mag stuff at this time of day, but we don’t know why. It’s not like this stuff is hardcore (sadly), and there’s nothing sinister or niche that would turn sleepy eyes away, we’re just not used to this routine. Still, all things must change, and Rosie Jones must change out of her lingerie, and we must watch.

Usually, Nuts only gives us a hundred topless stars, but they managed to squeeze in an extra babe by having the Shannon Twins by 100 and 101. Smart thinkers, those British lad’s mag editors. They look at a battalion of boob-baring beauties and they say to themselves, “Almost perfect. One more is needed and then our work will be done and we can sleep for another thousand years.” We tend to think of lad’s mag editors as ancient beings who wear scaled armor when they arrange galleries of tits.

We think it’s sweet of Nuts to give us a preview of the perky boobs we’ll be peering at next year. It allows us to get excited in advance, and yet it also makes sure that we don’t instantly orgasm when summer comes around and the bikini specials start hitting newsstands. Nuts is investing in the future with fun bags!

A little while ago, Nuts released a list of the 100 Sexiest Topless Babes as voted by you. This week, they published a list of the 100 Sexiest Babes of 2012, also as voted by you. We have to ask: do we need both, especially when Lucy Pinder is number one on both of them?

Who are these women? There’s a bunch of ‘em. They are Lucy Pinder, Frankie Essex, Danica Thrall, Emma Glover, Danielle Sharp, Lucy Harrold, Holly Peers, Nicole Neal, Holly Hagan, India Reynolds, Lacey Banghard, Stacey Poole, Imogen Thomas, Polly Parsons, Kelly Hall, Bianca Henry, Rhian Sugden, Laura Hogg, Arabella Drummond, Sophie Alexandra, Lucy Collett, Vicky Pattison, Chanelle Hayes, Danielle Sheeman, Billie Faiers, Gracie Lewis, Leah Francis, Sophie Reade, Jessica Kingham, and Rosie Jones.

“Do you ever undertake everyday tasks naked?” asks Nuts, knowing the answer already. “I basically spend my life naked at work then I’m naked the rest of the time at home waiting for my fake tan to dry,” answers Lucy. “It was a problem in my newest house because I was constantly forgetting where all the windows were positioned!”

Since we’re American and we seldom use terms like “rude” to describe sexual naughtiness, our idea of Very Rude Pics involves Holly Peers cutting in line, laughing at others’ misfortune, not holding the door for people, and stealing from the elderly. Thank goodness this is a fetish-heavy shoot with lots of latex and whipping. That’s the kind of rudeness we can get behind.

In her latest shoot with Nuts, India Reynolds talks about hanging with her gal pals, boozing, and causing mayhem. She says she smashed her phone recently, fell down some stairs when she was drunk, and has been raising such a ruckus at a shoot that the photographer had to scold her. Oh, sure, it’s all innocent fun now, but soon India will be robbing liquor stores, and then what?

We don’t know how the major British lad’s mags feel about each other, but we’d like to think there’s a healthy rivalry tinged with genuine fanaticism and animosity. Zoo Magazine comes out with a feature on the Best Boobs in Britain as voted by you, and Nuts responds by saying, “Oh yeah? Here are Britain’s Biggest Boobs as decided by us because voting is wak and we know titties better than anyone else.” The gauntlet has been thrown down.

Apparently, you voted for various women to be a part of Nuts 100 Sexiest Topless Babes. Congratulations! Voting is a virtue, and we salute you for exercising your voice in any arena. Wait, you didn’t vote? That’s fine, neither did we, but even the apathetic are invited to enjoy the results!

The 2012 London Olympics officially begin on Friday! We’re so damn excited for the pageantry and the magic and the human spirit triumphing over the flesh! Anyhow, before we start praising the lean, muscular, and sharp bodies that will be competing against each other, we’d like to spend some time admiring the fleshy, curvy, and supple shapes of British lad’s mag babes.

The term “booby” always throws us off because it reminds us of the seabird, but we suppose it makes sense when you really think about it. These women have large breasts, and they are therefore booby. Rachmaninoff had large hands, and he was therefore handy. It sounds strange, but you’ll get used to it after you browse these pics.