What can you learn from watching pornography? Wait, back that up. Is it a good idea to learn anything from pornography? For the most part, studying sex by watching porn is like trying to become a herpetologist by studying dragons, but there are some notable exceptions; sometimes, educators and pornstars join forces and create films that are as enlightening as they are arousing.
We don’t subscribe to getting all wrapped up in V Day hoopla — but we love love! And we love Nina Hartley. And we love that she loves banging the crap out of Peter North’s big, thick cock. This is the kind of sentiment we appreciate. Forget cards: bring on the cocks!
When you pay your dues and achieve legend status like our heroes here, you can do whatever the fuck they want. What they want is to be hilarious, and also to have a nice bath. Can you imagine, after almost four decades of the uncomfortable situations porn puts you in, you’re Nina fucking Hartley and Ron fucking Jeremy and Hustler is like “What’s your concept?” and they’re like “We are tired! We wanna take a motherfuckin BATH.”
Whichever eyewear company Sean Michaels uses, they should send him some cash.
Ah, porn proclivities. They’re as varied as people upon the earth, and chances are if you’re into something you’ll find a site that panders to your very special needs. Each site has carved out its own identity, charisma, psyche that makes it different from the rest. But what of the stars who straddle the boundaries (and other things) while jumping from site to site? They’re versatile, and we’re seeing just how much so. Our first observation focuses on the legendary Nina Hartley, who’s been all up, down, and around the block, looking hella foxy all the while. This lady can mad kick it with the freaks at Crash Pad Series, and also play the straight chick over at Brazzers. Which look do we like best?
When your matriarch is the one and only MILF above all MILFs Nina Hartley, you’re probably going to learn some unique values. For many, hospitality means being welcoming, open, generous, and stuffing your guests full of food. For Nina, hospitality means fucking your daughter’s boyfriend’s father because you don’t want him to feel left out.
Fleshbot asked for it, and you asked for it. So here you are, my top five favorite performances.
Nina Hartley and Ron Jeremy are such talented kids; why couldn’t “Nina Loves Ron” give them the star vehicle they deserve? It’s still good, but it could have been pretty awesome.
Fleshlight already boasts an impressive bunch of masturbation sleeves painstakingly modelled after pornstar body parts, but people–eternally aroused people–are always wondering which babe will next go under the plaster. Wonder no more, horny masses, because Nina Hartley went to Texas to duplicate her orifices for your wanking pleasure!
Nina Hartley used to have an exciting life as a travel writer, flying all over the world and exploring new places, but then she got pregnant with Lexi Belle. Eighteen years later, Lexi is in love with Xander Corvus, and Nina’s starting to fell all hot and bothered by his rugged good-looks. Is it fair of Nina to hold Lexi responsible for ending her career? No, but it certainly makes for some awesome revenge sex!
It’s May, which means it’s Masturbation Month. An entire month devoted to masturbation? Well hush my mouth! That probably explains a few things about my actions over the past few weeks with my beloved Lelo Ina, but that’s neither here nor there. There are many other ways to celebrate masturbation and Courtney Trouble picked arguably the best one when she decided to put together Live Sex Show: a film shot at the Center for Sex and Culture. The film was shot during San Francisco’s Masturbate-a-Thon, which was hosted by none other than Dr. Carol Queen of just about every iconic how-to videos under the sun. Not bad at all.
The rulebound and trussed-up world of Ernest Greene’s “O” movies is filled with sadder-but-wiser characters who wield sex with solemnity. Title character Bobbi Starr embarks on a hands-on mission to find her replacement.
Nina Hartley has taught us many things over the years, but as adorably informative as she is, actions speak louder than words. So thank God her teaching style is demonstration-oriented… That means we get to see her asshole lovingly stuffed by a star pupil.
I know, I reviewed a Nica Noelle film last week too, but after seeing “My Mother’s Girlfriend, Vol. 3,” I needed to know what else she has up her sleeve. “Wives Club” also plays with age disparity, although in this movie it has a bit more of a power play charge. Ex-wives Nina Hartley, Helly Mae Hellfire, and Raylene are being jerked around by their scummy exes, and they’ve had it up to here with these midlife crisis shenanigans. It’s time for these ladies to get theirs, and by theirs, I mean laid.
We’ve always wondered why a thumb in the air earned people rides from strangers, but thanks to “Lesbian Hitchiker 4,” we’re now pretty sure that it’s an offer to finger the driver. “Look at how nice my hands are!” says the hitchhiker’s sign language. “Surely we can arrange a ride for a ride!”
Reality Junkies has a new series, and it’s all about older women seducing younger men! Yes, this does sound a lot like their “Cougar’s Prey” line, but it differs in a very important way: these women aren’t looking for disposable boys to take advantage of, they’re helping young men evolve into the responsible, experienced, sexually-capable adults they were destined to be. Can you feel the positivity?
“And on your left,” says Nina Hartley to the strap-on attached to her pelvis, “is a tight pussy. On your right, is the same tight pussy. This has been your guided journey to the center of Mika Tan!” Yes, Nina Hartley has been educating men and women about advanced sex
A few years ago, Nina Hartley grabbed Alyssa Jordan and Adrianna Nicole for a nice, curated orgy over at the Hartley pad. That scene from “Nina Hartley’s Perfect Orgy” has been surreally compiled in “Group Sex 8.” If you ever have the chance to meet Nina Hartley, you will realize
Like approximately 63 percent of Fleshbot’s readers, I came of age at a time when porn wasn’t free. My thankyous reflect the simple joys of the right to get ass in the mail. 1. I am thankful for a generation of people that has taken bullets, served jail time, or