It sure has been a while since we’ve seen Nica Noelle directing movies for Mile High Media, but here she is, and she’s brought her classic kit of drama bombs with her: money, power, love, betrayal, and lots and lots of pussy eating. It’s nice to have you back, Nica.

So let the drama bombs drop! April O’Neil and her boyfriend, Mr. Pete, are a loving couple struggling to make ends meet, and no matter how hard they try to save up, they keep digging deeper and deeper into debt. Rich tycoon Evan Stone notices their plight, and he says he’ll happily hand over a fat check to the lovebirds as long as he gets one night alone with April. A heavy decision must be made. Which is the more dignified route to take: sleep with Evan or try extreme couponing?

Oh, it’s so hard to choose. On the one hand, April’s relationship with Mr. Pete seems perfect, and she doesn’t want to drive a wedge between them. They’re the kind of couple who will, for no reason, start eating each other’s asses in the middle of the kitchen. Silly Pete, the kitchen isn’t for eating that kind of stuff! After they’ve loving licked each other’s low blow zones, Pete bends April over the table and slips his dick inside of her, keeping one hand on her nape, controlling her body at either end of her spine. Someone’s cereal and coffee sits right below April’s face, which makes us hope that April pauses to eat her breakfast mid-coitus. A girl has to stay nourished during impromptu kitchen sex.

On the other hand, April and Pete really need the money, and what Evan is offering could instantly change their lives for the better. We don’t know for sure if Evan and April have sex–for all we have are pictures, and those could come from a fever fantasy in Pete’s head–but in whatever capacity these two bump groins together, one thing is for sure: April has a damn good time doing it. Why shouldn’t she enjoy Evan? He’s rich, he has cock shaped like a ram’s horn, and he has a big luxurious bed where April can feel enveloped in the finest linens known to man as Evan wraps her up in his arms and pleases her pussy with long, delicious strokes. They even kiss! And everybody knows kissing is the most special thing you can do with your lips.

What will April do? Will she refuse Evan’s advances in order to keep her purity and poverty, or will she slip away from Pete to do what must be done? We haven’t the slightest clue where “Immoral Proposal” will take us, but we are amped for the ride.

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)
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There is something really progressively cool about this movie (yeah, we watch porn to get hard and get off just like the rest of ya, but we like our politics in the right place too, ok?). Sure, there are some tired stereotypes about transwomen at work, including the idea of “Secrets” and that straight guys need to be duped into being attracted to them. But much more importantly, it humanizes them by giving them actual storylines that exist in the real world – including the ever-watchable ever-lovable Wolf Hudson as a guy whose childhood best friend has transitioned since the last time they hung out.

The thing we love about these scenarios is that in each case when the dude discovers the woman he’s attracted to is trans, he’s just like “Fuck it, you’re hot, I like you, let’s bone like bunnies”. It’s quite touching, actually, not to mention romantic and really really sexy. It got us hard and we got off to it and we felt good about ourselves in the morning, so there!
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The role of “mean babysitter who gets what’s coming to her years later in consensual non-consent revenge fantasy ” was so juicy that Nica Noelle reserved the role for herself in a slightly-rarer-than-writing-and-directing in front of the camera performance. And you can see why. Even in this preview the hate-fucking is so passionate it makes you wish someone would send you straight to bed with no TV privileges.

Have we talked about this before? We just love babysitter fantasies. As Noelle points out so directly with the name of this series, it’s one of the all-time best “Authority Figures”. Cuz, you know, a babysitter is usually not that much older than you, but they get to tell you what to do. Which is totally humiliating.And when they look like Nica Noelle, you pretty much go to sleep every night dreaming of the day you can track her down and fuck her sexy black glasses right off her pretty face.

· Watch/Buy Authority Figures: The Mean Babysitter
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Writing for Fleshbot is really not that different from writing a porn script, it seems. Nica Noelle has got to be one of the best script writers in the biz. This trailer in particular is filled with the kind of the same slyly hysterical yet strangely arousing double entendres that put bread in our baskets (eh? ehh?). “She… abuses her authority.” “What do you mean she gets close to you?” “My door is always open.” This stuff makes us giggle and squirm in our seats at the same time!

Another great thing about this clip is the look of the troubled teens. There’s Chastity Lynn as the preppy goodie-two-shoes with the sweater over her shoulders. And we love this Hot Topic pentagram tattoo chainmail maroon hair troubled goth girl look Gracie Glam has going on, especially when she’s getting eaten out in a public bathroom!

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“The Seven Year Itch” is an amazing film that has everything you could want in a cinematic experience: goofiness, infidelity, twisted fantasies, and, most importantly, Marilyn Monroe standing over an air vent. Now, we’re not saying “The Seven Year Itch” would be better with hardcore sex, but if Lily LaBeau is going to Monroe herself up and run wild through Mark Wood’s fantasies, then we owe it to ourselves–nay, to the whole of movie history–to watch her do so.

And really, we all know that Tom Ewell’s fantasies in the original film were far too tame to be real. Don’t even try to pretend like dudes from the mid-1900′s had clean imaginations, because we know it isn’t true. If you had Marilyn Monroe living in the apartment above you, your brain would at least start churning out some freaky daydreams about sex in the stairwell. Anyway, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Mark Wood is now in Tom Ewell’s shoes: his wife, Raylene, has gone out of town, and his self-esteem and charm are being put to the test by the arrival of Lily LaBeau. Now, in “The Seven Year Itch,” much of what plays out is only in Tom’s head, but we don’t know if the same is true in “Seven Years of Marriage.” For example, what could get Mark to imagine Lily getting eaten out by April O’Neil? Was there a girl at his office whose lips seemed to be made for Lily’s clit? Is Mark channeling his desires to squeeze Lily’s breasts through a lean, tan temptress like April? Or is he simply spying on his new neighbor and her hot brunette pal? Whatever the answer is, it’ll be interesting to see how Nica Noelle adapts Tom Ewell’s innocence (and, more to the point, his double-guessing and anxiety around women) to fit with hardcore situations.

And what about the wife, Raylene? The original film deals a lot with the way Tom tortures himself by thinking about his lady in the hands of another man (getting cozy on a hay ride, no less); will we get the same from Mark? Is this scene with Rocco Reed putting the pipe to Raylene something that really happens, or is Mark only cuckolding himself? Regardless, we love the way Raylene and Rocco move together: she sucks the tip of his cock while he cups her heavy boobs, she strokes the back of his neck as he nibbles at hers while they spoon, and you better believe that Rocco spends ample time with his nose in Raylene’s bush. If Mark is indeed making all of this stuff up, then that guy needs to quit his job and start directing porn. Homie has vision.

Nica Noelle has been using her Sweet Sinema line to remake films with stand-out sexiness–such as “9 1/2 Weeks” and “Fatal Attraction”–but here, as with “Pretty Woman,” she’s challenged herself by taking a beloved romantic comedy and pornifying it. We admire her for her pluck as well as her passion, and we’re overjoyed that “Seven Years of Marriage” melds the marvelous moments of the original with the raw, steamy sex scenes that Nica is known for.

· Mile High Media (milehighonline.com)
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As we were looking over the pictures for this fantastically steamy vagina-on-vagina movie, we realized that two of the sex scenes take place in big, lavish beds, and the other two happen on couches that look nothing like office couches, and we’re wondering if this is a representation of the online workforce. Think about it: there are thousands of people who don’t have an office space, and yet they still need to see lesbian workplace porn that reflects their lives.

Or maybe we have these picture all wrong and the bedroom scenes are just the arenas where cubicle flirting is allowed to evolve into something wet and wild–it all sounds good to us! Nica Noelle has yet to steer us wrong, and we will gladly peer between whichever pair of legs she points us toward.

Let us first look betwixt Angell Summers’s legs, where Katsuni has her ring and middle fingers gently clamped around either side of Angell’s clit hood as she massages the mound in circles. Angell gets so wet that she starts to drool, and Katsuni responds by wiping her tongue across her lips. Since Katsuni is the older and more experienced pornstar, we assume that she’s Angell’s superior, but we may be wrong–Angell is wearing the mature and sexy stockings, and when they 69, Angell is the one on top with her thighs nuzzling Katsuni’s cheeks. It’s difficult to divine power dynamics from the subtle quirks of oral loving, but we’ll never stop trying.

Next, we’d like to take a look at what Sinn Sage is up to because we heard that this girl loves girls. True to the rumor, she’s got Katie St. Ives in her clutches and she is not letting go. Sinn nibbles at Katie’s nipples and makes her legs automatically open, giving Sinn the chance to tease Katie’s twat through her panties. Sinn is all about the little gestures: she spends a long time kissing the spot between Katie’s breasts, she gets at eye-level with Katie’s ass so she can watch the flesh spring up as her panties are pulled down, and she strokes Katie’s temple with her thumb as they stare into each others eyes and scissor. If these ladies worked together as well as they fucked together, their company would be part of the Fortune 500.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter how much of the workplace we see, because that’s not why we’re here. Sure, we would get a kick out of seeing Ryan Keely’s collage of cat pictures next to her desk, and we’re sure Sovereign Syre is a womanizing warrior when she’s standing by the water cooler, but all that really matters in “Lesbian Office Seductions 7″ is how these babes behave in bed (or on the futon).

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Angell Summers has to leave town, so she’s hiring Riley Reid to hang out and help Rocco with the baby. You’ve probably already guessed that Rocco and Riley will have sex, and you’re correct, but we ask you this: who will make the first move?

Technically, Angell makes the first move when she hires a PYT like Riley to look after her home and husband (and imaginary baby). In terms of who seduced whom first, it’s Riley who liberated Rocco from his illusions of monogamy.

And the illusion shattering is fucking hot, too! After she’s gotten used to helping around the house, Riley starts to feel like she can replace Angell in all areas of life, and she finally gets Rocco alone in the guest room. Any protests that Rocco may have in store get blasted from his brain when Riley drags her tongue up the shaft of his cock and flicks it across his frenulum. Her nipples stiffen as she straddles his lap and lowers herself onto his rod, but it’s only when Rocco has Riley on her back and is pounding hard and deep in her pussy that she envisions herself as the new Mrs. Reed. It’s practically the same last name anyway.

And then Rocco’s crazy uncle, Evan Stone, shows up! Yeah! We wish we had Evan Stone as an uncle, as long as he didn’t make a habit of sexing up our young female friends. You see, that’s exactly what he does in this movie. Riley has always been curious about sex with older gentlemen, and Evan’s presence tickles her exploratory side. Soon, Evan’s tongue is tickling Riley’s pussy, and his spit mingles with her juices and collects on the blanket that Riley throws down on the couch (because even when she’s sleeping with Angell’s husband and extended family members, Riley is a professional babysitter). From the looks of it, Riley enjoys Evan’s long dick and strong hangs more than she enjoyed sex with Rocco. Will Rocco Reed end up with a new aunt by the end of the movie?

Or will Riley’s relationship with Evan be interrupted by her best friend, Skin Diamond? She’s also been curious about older dudes, and Evan is more than happy to educate her with a thorough pussy pounding/tit squeezing/clit massaging in the bedroom. We can’t help but wonder if Rocco feels jealous of his uncle’s success with the ladies.

More importantly, how will he handle his infidelity, Riley’s will to replace Angell, and Angell’s impending wrath? Oh, “The Babysitter Vol. 6,” you make us want to buy you.

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Nina Hartley used to have an exciting life as a travel writer, flying all over the world and exploring new places, but then she got pregnant with Lexi Belle. Eighteen years later, Lexi is in love with Xander Corvus, and Nina’s starting to fell all hot and bothered by his rugged good-looks. Is it fair of Nina to hold Lexi responsible for ending her career? No, but it certainly makes for some awesome revenge sex!

Nina’s secret resentment toward Lexi isn’t the sole cause of her tryst with Xander, but this issue does take front and center in “My Daughter’s Boyfriend 6.” We find it refreshing! Often, these Sweet Sinner films use some form of unexplainable instant attraction as the basis for illicit affairs, and now we have that plus an old grudge driving the drama.

And we suspect that Xander Corvus isn’t all that excited about his relationship with Lexi Belle in the first place. Lexi tries to make eye contact with him while she’s slowly licking up his shaft, but he’s got his eyes closed and his head on the bed. Sure, he plays with her nipples when he spoons her, he kisses beneath her jaw when she rides him, and he still throws dick so good that Lexi does everything she can to get him deeper inside her pussy, but Xander seems withdrawn. Could he be fantasizing about Nina?

Well, he doesn’t have to fantasize long. He quickly gets Ms. Hartley in bed, naked save for her thigh-high stockings, and he kisses down her chest until his mouth finds her honeypot, and there he plays with her clit using long, wet laps that drive Nina crazy. He admires the way she deepthroats his cock, they stare into each others eyes as they spoon, and overall, Xander seems way more active with Nina than he does with Lexi. We can only imagine what must be stirring in Nina’s mind as she steals her daughter’s man and reignites her love life in one fell swoop. Then again, this tryst could just be a dream sequence; we have to see the movie to find out.

We’re also unsure about why Xander fucks Dyanna Lauren in this film. Who is she? How does she relate to Nina and Lexi? Why is Xander so eager to eat her pussy that he doesn’t even bother to take her panties off? Has anyone ever been knocked unconscious by Dyanna’s huge boobs swinging into their head? Let it be known that Xander appears to fuck Dyanna the hardest of anyone he fucks: he even pushes her knee back into her chest so he can really pound his cock balls-deep inside her.

Nica Noelle has really taken the drama to a new level with this one. We’re missing most of the details, but no matter how this fills out, “My Daughter’s Boyfriend 6″ could be one of her best films to date.

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)
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Can you name any of Julia Roberts’s movies that have been pornified recently? We can’t. Fortunately, Nica Noelle has remedied this situation by making a smutty adaptation of the ever-popular “Pretty Woman,” the story of a young, sassy, and beautiful prostitute and the rich gentleman who falls in love with her. You’re probably dying to know who takes Julia’s role, or Richard Gere’s role. More importantly, who will be the porn version of Jason Alexander?

From the looks of things, Gracie Glam is our plucky prostie, Manuel Ferrara is the brooding baller, and although there’s no clear Jason Alexander-type figure, Rocco Reed, Charles Dera, Alyssa Branch, and Charlie Chase all have (body) parts to play (with).

Whereas “Pretty Woman” features a stuffy workaholic Richard Gere who devotes zero time to pleasure, “Pretty Lady” has Manuel Ferrara, who at least puts aside time to fuck Alyssa Branch. And we’re not talking about some quick fuck on the way to work; they 69, that’s not the kind of thing you do on a whim. Once Manuel sticks his thick cock inside Alyssa’s tight bush, he wants to stay in there, staring into her eyes, until he bursts all over her pubes.

When Manuel and Gracie first get together, they don’t have any sex! Don’t worry, they eventually bang like crazy, but their first interactions are completely “professional” in nature. Sure, it seems like a sweet obstacle for their intimacy, but Manuel has no idea what kind of sex he could be having. Gracie’s tryst with the smooth yet brutal Charles Dera is ridiculously steamy: he peels off her panties slowly, walks his fingers down her stomach, and breathes in her whimpers as he plays with her pussy. By the time he’s balls-deep in her, Gracie is clawing at the sheets with ecstasy.

Finally, Gracie and Manuel have sex–emotional sex with hair stroking and smooching–and everything becomes awesome. They get to stop denying their feelings and begin exploring each other’s bodies, and after all their waiting and wanting, Manuel is sure to savor each moment that it takes to undress Gracie, pull her on his lap, and lower her pussy onto his huge cock. It’s a precious scene. Does Manuel look a little goofy when sucking Gracie’s nipple? Yes, he does, but doesn’t everyone look a bit silly when munching on boob?

Even if no other Julia Roberts movie is turned into porn, we’re still excited about all “Pretty Lady” has accomplished. It’s hot, it’s romantic, and it’s proved that you don’t need dashing gray hair to be as badass as Richard Gere.

· Sweet Sinema (sweetsinema.com)
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Did you know that masseuses and massage therapists destroy their hands after years of work? It’s sad but true; all that time spent healing injuries, releasing tension, and helping people results in a lot of damage to the delicate muscles, bones, and tendons in the hand. Fortunately, the pornstars you’re about to see don’t massage with their hands so much as with their mouths and genitals, so they should be fine.

Do their genitals get tired? Yes, naturally, but that’s what genitals do. They get excited, they fall asleep, they bounce back. Isn’t biology awesome?

And aren’t Chanel Preston and Rocco Reed awesome? We don’t know who’s doing the massaging in this scenario (we certainly hope it isn’t Chanel because she should not be standing around in those heels all day), but once all pretenses of professionalism are gone, they show their commitment to equal opportunity groping. While spooning and screwing on the massage table, Rocco can’t keep his hands from kneading Chanel’s sweet ass; meanwhile, Chanel keeps one hand on Rocco’s thigh, feeling his muscles glide beneath his skin, guiding each of his thrusts into her pussy.

Brandy Aniston and Barry Scott start their tryst on the table, with Brandy pressing Barry’s thick cock to the back of her throat and riding him nice and slow, but they soon tire of the balancing act and move to the couch. Who says massages have to be on a fancy table anyway? Sure, they’re designed to let the massagee relax completely while giving the masseuse easy access to their whole body, but that’s for serious people who end up ruining their hands. Barry is only concerned with easing the tension that Brandy’s built up inside her pussy, and the only way he’s doing that is by stuffing his cock in her, rubbing her clit, and squeezing her boobs as hard as she likes it. Getting Brandy to come is a complicated task. It takes a village, or something…

Fortunately, it only takes Charles Dera to make Evanni Solei come! And can we talk about the lighting in this scene? It’s a bit cooler than we’re used to seeing in Nica Noelle’s films, and it’s almost a tad clinical, but it works for these two: it heights the pale pink of her tongue and his cock, and their tattoos stand out sharply from their fit bodies. Admittedly, Evanni’s striped thigh-highs and stilettos are a bit jarring, but really, we should stop focusing on the aesthetics. They fuck each other like old lovers. We’re into that.

We know there are a lot of pornos that involve massages turning sexy, but “The Masseuse 2″ is the only one that gives us the warm fuzzies in addition to the sweaty steamies.

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)
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I know, I reviewed a Nica Noelle film last week too, but after seeing “My Mother’s Girlfriend, Vol. 3,” I needed to know what else she has up her sleeve. “Wives Club” also plays with age disparity, although in this movie it has a bit more of a power play charge. Ex-wives Nina Hartley, Helly Mae Hellfire, and Raylene are being jerked around by their scummy exes, and they’ve had it up to here with these midlife crisis shenanigans. It’s time for these ladies to get theirs, and by theirs, I mean laid.

Evan Stone plays Raylene’s ex, and even though he’s definitely got more of the old school porn dude vibe, his sex scene with the much-younger Chastity Lynn is hot. Remember back when porn dudes were all muscle-y and tanned and grunted? Yeah, that’s happening here, and while not everyone will dig on the slightly sleazy scene, it could be right up your alley. (Get it? Alley? Up yours?)

Next up is Mark Wood and Ash Hollywood. This scene didn’t do much for me, but it’s certainly enthusiastic, and like all of these scenes, there is plenty of kissing, flesh-on-flesh fucking, and overall attention to the Ash’s pleasure than in most skin flicks.

As it turns out, Nina’s ex has been getting some extra therapy from their marriage counselor, so Nina pays her a visit. Hartley, who is famous for her fantastic porn career, enthusiasm, and overall adorability/hotness, goes from a cake-baking wifey to a lascivious lapper of lady parts with Evelyn Lin. There’s no French manicure finger-banging or dainty clit-licking here, nope. This girl/girl (or should I say woman/woman) scene is straight up hot.

Next up, Helly gives a sleazy Hollywood screenwriter played by Seth Gamble the what-for when he wants to cast her as Ash’s mom in his next big film. The last time I saw Seth, he was playing a super nerd in “Next Friday Night,” so I was pretty happy to see him without all his goober gear. They don’t have the most amazing chemistry, but they’re a good-looking pair.

Last but never least, Raylene leaves Evan Stone eating her dust when he tries to get back together with her and she’s like, no way, this extremely hot waiter you were really rude to is my boyfriend, BYE. Evan takes his butt chin and slinks off, and Raylene and Bruce Venture head to the back room to bone. There’s a scarcity of finger-banging and oral sexing in this scene, but Raylene and Bruce are a hot couple who seem to enjoy fucking each other. It is a very sweaty affair. End scene.

Why this porn is good for straight girls:

* There are a variety of female ages represented onscreen without the tired MILF-y context. It’s not quite on point to say they have natural bodies, as the older performers all have implants, but they are definitely beautiful and beautifully imperfect bodies.

* There’s lots of kissing and close contact throughout the sex scenes, but there’s no Vaseline on the lens — it’s not all fluffy and romantic and lovey-dovey, although the sex itself could be described as intimate in that it’s close.

* Turnabout’s fair play: Evelyn, Seth, and Bruce are sexy as hell.

* Nina Hartley pretends to be a cake-baking housewife, which is just awesome.

· Buy “Wives Club” (store.fleshbot.com)

*****

Previously: Porn For Straight Girls Archive

[Thumbnail: Evan Stone and Chastity Lynn]

We’re damn proud of Sinn Sage. By committing herself to filming four slit-licking scenes for one movie, she’s joined the ranks of many other prestigious pornstars who have done the same for Sweetheart Video. Stephanie Swift, Ginger Lynn, Inari Vachs, Julia Ann, and Nina Hartley (twice, actually) have all done the same, and now Ms. Sage shall take her rightful place beside them in the pantheon of pussy lovers.

And blessed are the women who help her through her horny trials: Lily LaBeau, Shyla Jennings, Raylene, and Annie Cruz. Lo, the task is daunting, but Sinn Sage is down. (She loves girls, remember?)

We’re quite impressed with the way Sinn rolls up on Lily LaBeau in the shower with a strap-on locked to her thighs. Also impressive is the way Lily quickly positions her ass for some standing doggy style. It’s not easy fucking or being fucked while standing in a slippery shower, but these girls make it look like a walk in the park (that is, a walk in the park that looks like some casual yet exciting pussy pounding). After a while, Lily gives her legs a break and they move to the bedroom for some serious scissoring; Sinn rides Lily’s thighs, grinds against her, and holds her ankle in the air with a firm grip. It’s the perfect union of soft touches and tight control.

Elsewhere and at some other time, Sinn and Raylene spread out a bunch of blankets on the floor, giving them the space and support to explore each other’s bodies at leisure. Sinn walks her lips down Raylene’s curvy cougar body, driving them both wild with excitement until Raylene bends Sinn over and feasts on her sweet, dripping juices. And then Sinn puts Raylene on her back and gets down to some tribbing. Sinn Sage, are you obsessed with scissoring? We get the feeling you are.

For real, scissoring makes an appearance in Shyla Jennings and Annie Cruz’s scenes as well, and Sinn is always on top, holding her girl down with the weight of her legs or a palm on her chest. We’re not opposed to tribbing–not at all–but we’re thinking “Sinn Sage Loves Dominant Pussy Grinding” may be a more accurate title for this release.

Oh, we’re just joking. We know that “Sinn Sage Loves Girls” is the only thing you can call this, because Sinn’s respect and admiration for the female form is present in every last touch she lavishes on her scene partners.

· Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
· Buy “Sinn Sage Loves Girls” (adultdvdempire.com)

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We’ve always wondered why a thumb in the air earned people rides from strangers, but thanks to “Lesbian Hitchiker 4,” we’re now pretty sure that it’s an offer to finger the driver. “Look at how nice my hands are!” says the hitchhiker’s sign language. “Surely we can arrange a ride for a ride!”

In other parts of the world, thumbs in the air are replaced by fingers pointing to the road, but the concept remains the same, and we have “Lesbian Hitchhikers” like Nina Hartley to thank for this tradition.

Nina, ever the educator, is sure to teach April O’Neil the ways of the womanly road before, during, and after a joyous romp in the sheets. She can’t get enough of April’s sweet, young pussy, whether she’s finger feeding herself April’s juices or lapping enthusiastically at whatever spot April chooses to sit upon Nina’s face. April hardly gets any time to go down on Nina, but Nina doesn’t mind; she just lies back, enjoys the girl munching on her, and smiles to herself as she tweaks her nipples.

Unfortunately, April doesn’t realize that she’s coming between Nina and her lover, Darla Crane. The only way to settle the score is to have Darla score with April, obviously, and April is glad to help. She even makes the extra effort to spend more time sucking on Darla’s clit, making the cougar feel pampered and pushed to the edge of an explosive orgasm. Quick question: would you rather have sex with Nina Hartley or Darla Crane? We have no idea who we’d choose, and we bet April doesn’t either.

Elsewhere, Sovereign Syre gets her freak on with both Jessie Rogers and Kate Kastle (not simultaneously, but separately for extra drama). We don’t know why Sovereign often plays the slightly crazy and predatory types, but she is once again, and this time it’s Jessie who finds herself at the mercy of Sovvy’s skilled hands and exploratory tongue. How will Sovereign make this infidelity up to her girlfriend, Kate? We bet you it’ll be with cunnilingus. We bet you, like, a cheeseburger that Sovereign solves the problem with cunnilingus.

Yes, because nothing goes together quite like the open road, hot women, endless pussy eating, and a big ol’ burger. “Lesbian Hitchhiker 4,” you are satisfying on so many levels.

· Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
· Buy “Lesbian Hitchiker 4″ (store.fleshbot.com)

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Nica Noelle’s Noelle’s “My Girlfriend’s Mother, Vol. 3″ surprised and delighted me with copious amounts of hot sex and a rather staggering number of female orgasms.

The intro to this movie boasts “Real lovemaking” and “Real orgasms,” so I wasn’t sure what I was in for. As a female porn consumer, I have some stereotypical ideas about what constitutes porn for couples. Vaseline on the lens, New Age-y music in the background, and a lot of gentle “lovemaking,” a term that makes me cringe. Real female orgasms, on the other hand, are crucial to my enjoyment. It is also very nice to be disproved on occasion, which I definitely was in this case.

“My Girlfriend’s Mother, Vol. 3″ stars Inari Vachs as the young mother of Alyssa Branch, a college student who brings home her new boyfriend (Joey Brass) home for dinner. Although hubs Nick Manning seems to think Joey is an okay guy, Inari is skeptical. She had Alyssa young, you see, and she doesn’t want her daughter to fall into the same traps she did. She’s skeptical of this young buck and his entrepreneurial spirit, although, to be honest, a gourmet sandwich stand at movie theaters does sound like a good idea. Obviously, since Inari and Joey are nekkid on the cover of the DVD, it’s safe to assume she gets over her initial reaction and, you know, fucks him. Eventually. But first Inari gets thoroughly fucked by an extremely sweaty Nick Manning, while in another part of the house Joey and Alyssa are trying unsuccessfully to keep their own moans on the down low.

Inari also needs to get some advice from her best friend Nica Noelle about sleeping with a younger man, who then turns to her lover Mr. Marcus about her friend’s crazy idea before they have a lot of sweaty, hot, awesome sex. And then, finally, Inari goes to Joey’s house to say they must end it! But of course they don’t. And, thank goodness, because if they had, we’d have missed out on quite a scene. These are all fairly typical vanilla couples scenes; there’s the barest amount of spanking, no throat-fucking, and no anal, so if that’s what turns your crank, I’m sorry, this isn’t gonna do it for you. However, if those are negotiable or complete turn-offs altogether, and you’re not turned off by the mom/daughter’s boyfriend dynamic, this is a treat.

What’s unique about Noelle’s style is that she encourages the performers to react naturally and not contort themselves into the usual porn positions. Does any woman really keep their legs splayed wide open when they’re getting awesome head? I’m sure you’re out there, and I salute you, but I’d rather see a female performer’s thighs clasped around her partner’s head than the typical spread-and-lick of most porn pussies. The sex has less of the guy manipulating the woman’s body into certain angles and more body-to-body touching and kissing. So even though Nick Manning makes a rather disconcerting buzzing noise when he’s eating Inari out, I’d guess he’s doing it because it’s pleasurable — because it sure as hell doesn’t look or sound sexy.

Manning has a sort of old-school male performer look about him; he’s tanned and beefy around the chest, and he makes crazy dragon faces when he’s fucking Inari. Obviously, Mr. Marcus is hot as hell, but the real star of the show is Joey Brass. He’s got that wiry, tattooed skater boy swagger and tons of stamina. All three male performers get super, ridiculously sweaty, but Joey is unstoppable.

The chemistry between the performers and their enjoyment of this sort of filming shows. Each female performer has multiple orgasms, the kind that make you look utterly ridiculous and your makeup run everywhere because you just don’t give a fuuuuck. This is probably most apparent in the scene between Alyssa and Joey. Joey knows the effectiveness of a good old-fashioned dry hump, and at one point, he actually seems to be encouraging Alyssa to not do the whole leg-snapping-open thing while they’re fucking on their sides. Refreshing! Alyssa must have thought so too, because, as she reveals during the BTS interview, she broke a nail during the scene.

The BTS interviews are a nice touch, too. Alyssa and Joey talk about how hard it is to unlearn the typical porn tricks (see above re: leg snapping) and forgetting about everyone else on set in order to just, you know, enjoy having sex. The BTS interview with Nica and Mr. Marcus is right after their scene, and they’re locked in a totally sweaty embrace; while Nica talks, Mr. Marcus is rubbing her breast and smooching her shoulder.

If you’re looking for a heterosexual, female-centric porn, you’re in the right place. (If you’re looking to find out what happens after Joey and Inari finally bone, well, I can’t help you with that.)

Why this porn is good for straight girls:

* Multiple, eye-rolling, screeching, awesome orgasms for the female stars.

* Lots of kissing and close contact, even in favor of more performative angles or shots

* Mr. Marcus!

* JOEY BRASS.

* If you want to delve into the world of hardcore porn but are slightly squeamish about some porn staples, this is a good place to start. Or stay. Whatever floats your boat, you know?

* It avoids the flowery, lovey-dovey crap that’s a turn-off for people who would normally turn their noses up against terms like “lovemaking” in the context of porn (ahem).

* Duh, you don’t have to be in a couple to enjoy this!

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)
· Buy “My Girlfriend’s Mother 3″ (store.fleshbot.com)

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There are times when we must bow before the brilliance of the blurb on the back of the porn box. This box reads, “How can anybody get any work done in today’s modern office? Dominant bosses, flirty underlings, and all kinds of secret back door deals and trysts.” The phrase “secret back door deals” just got us aroused.

No one in this movie takes it in the ass, but don’t let that discourage you. “Office Seductions 4″ has all the intrigue and office incest that you desperately wish your place of employment had. Or maybe you already do work in a naughty office! If that’s the case, this is totally your life as portrayed by pornstars.

In this movie, as in life, Inari Vachs calls the shots. She’s the boss, the big cheese, the lady who wears the pants, and this head honcho loves giving head to Rocko Reed on the regular. Fortunately, her loyal assistant is more than willing to fulfill his duties, and he repays her kindness with a long, slow, and passionate pounding in her private quarters (her bedroom, that is). Rocko looks downright sex drunk in these photos: his face is all red, his eyes can’t stay open, and his balls look full to bursting as he spoons Inari’s pussy.

Sure, the sex with his boss is great, but Rocko really pines for Jessie Andrews. Somehow–through methods unknown to those of us who haven’t actually watched the film–he ends up performing cunnilingus on Jessie in the break room and fucks her so hard that her ass becomes one with the futon. She loves the way Rocko nibbles on her arm as he bangs her, and she even loves the way his cock feels against the back of her throat, but Jessie can’t fully give herself to him. She belongs to another!

Yes, according to the back of the box, “Jessie is sort of the personal property of high roller Evan Stone.” (Aren’t we all?) We know he doesn’t really own her, but he has the power to dictate where her career goes, and that (plus his legendary cock) leads Jessie into his arms. Evan is certainly more aggressive than Rocko–not necessarily rough, but his hands go everywhere and he holds Jessie tightly as he screws her–and you can tell that she loves letting go of control with him. But what does her heart want? Is she too young to give up her career for a boy with a nice dick?

Certainly not! Follow your heart, Jessie Andrews; follow your vagina, too! Hopefully they’ll agree on something, otherwise “Office Seductions 4″ will have a sad ending, and we just can’t handle one of those. Not this week. (God, what a week!)

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)
· Buy “Office Seductions 4″ (store.fleshbot.com)

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We’re embarrassed to say that the phrase “All Black Beauties” instantly made us think of the speed pills from the ’50s and ’60s, when we should automatically picture girls like Nyomi Banxxx and Jada Fire instead. Honestly though, it’s kind of funny how many things “Black Beauty” refers to. Here’s a handy list!

Anyway, we’re clearly not here to talk about drugs, horses, novels, or dinosaur skeletons. We’re here to place our peepers upon pictures from Nica Noelle’s latest project and, not surprisingly, it features some of our favorite pornstars.

There’s no plot (at least not that we can divine from the pics), so we just have to hope right in and start describing curves and wetness and whatnot. Jada Fire and Nyomi Banxxx fuck each other; we might be blowing our collective wads early by mentioning this first, but so be it! Jada Fire retired, so even though this footage is clearly from a while back, we can pretend that she returned to the game for the express purpose of raking her nails down Nyomi’s thighs as she eats her out. Jada would totally do something like that.

In fact, we’re going to pretend that Nica convinced Jada to come back by dangling Nyomi in front of her and upping the ante with Skin Diamond. We get to see Jada Fire–a “Mad Max”-caliber badass of the pornographic wastelands–fucking two women, one a veteran of equal power and prowess and the other a fairly fresh yet undeniably charismatic carnal queen. How lucky are we? Not as lucky as Jada Fire; Skin Diamond crawls all over her naked body, marvels at her MILFy nipples, and touches her in all the right places.

Nyomi has another scene in which she plays with Imani Rose, and it looks quite hot, but let’s take a second to focus on a pair of relative newcomers: Alia Starr and Bella Moretti. We’ve seen these girls a few time before, but we’ve never had a chance to get well acquainted with them. Where do they come from? What do they like to do in bed? What are their views on the adult industry? We don’t get any of those questions answered in this scene. Alia is too busy teasing Bella’s ass with hot breaths, and Bella can’t stop giggling and coming.

Hmm, giggling and coming? Maybe “Lesbian Beauties 7: All Black Beauties” does have something to do with drugs and dinosaurs.

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At least the girls are letting us watch! Just imagine how furious we’d be if we knew that Skin Diamond and Asa Akira were getting it on somewhere and they weren’t going to let us peep the action. Actually, don’t imagine that. It can’t be good for your blood pressure. (Fleshbot cares about you.)

Just forget your imagination altogether and focus your mental energies on pressing them eyeballs against the pictures of girl-on-girl goodness that Sweetheart Video has provided for us all. If you start to feel that envy creeping up, just tell yourself, “Don’t player hate; player congratulate.”

For example, we should congratulate Lily Carter for getting reconnected with Lily LaBeau! Oh sure, it was actually Carter’s mom who decided to surprise her by inviting LaBeau to stay the weekend, and Carter herself is actually a little freaked out by the prospect of revisiting her days of girlhood experimentation, but let’s give props to both of the Lilys (Lilies?) for putting their pasts behind them and their pussies in front of each other’s mouths.

And let’s give praise to Bobbi Starr and Shyla Jennings for working through their troubles. It’s hard sharing cramped quarters with someone, even when your roommate is your best friend, and all of the bathroom hogging, clothing stealing, and general messiness finally makes Bobbi snap. After the huge fight, the girls feel much better, so they kiss and make out. Or is that make up? Same thing really. Nothing says, “Sorry I stole your favorite dress,” quite like a twenty-minute clit-sucking session.

Asa Akira and Skin Diamond have sex in this movie. There’s a very interesting setup that involves them studying for exams, getting too stressed out, and then getting drunk, but we don’t feel that a story is necessary to heighten the intensity of this scenario. These two once worked together in “Orgasmic Oralists,” in which they took turns fucking Mr. Marcus, and we’re happy that they finally get some alone time. Skin really needed a more intimate environment so she could focus on exploring Asa’s sweet pussy with her tongue, lips, and fingers. It was nice of Nica Noelle to provide such a setting.

Of course, that’s what we expect from Nica Noelle! She always gives her performers safe space to have fun and fool around with whichever female suits their fancies. “Girls Kissing Girls 9″ is just another example of that.

· Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
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Inari Vachs is worried that her daughter, Alyssa Branch, shouldn’t be dating anyone her first semester in college, but she lets her bring Joey Brass home for dinner anyway. Big mistake! Instant attraction! Also in this fine movie: Nica Noelle gets lovingly fucked by Mr. Marcus. Join us, won’t you?

We find it kinda funny that the majority of these May-December porns involve some immediate and emotionally jarring attraction to a forbidden lover. Maybe someday Nica Noelle will make a movie in which Joey Brass says, “What up, My Girlfriend’s Mother? You are so fine. I would like to lie down with you for a hella long time.” For now, we deal with deep and unsettling stirring down in the loins, and we’re happy with it.

Anyway, Joey and Alyssa seem to have a nice relationship! Then again, we only have their sex life to go on, but it looks quite nice anyway! Who wouldn’t love to roll around in a big bed with the blue-eyed, blonde-haired, soft-pubed Alyssa? Joey eats her out and she doesn’t hold her orgasmic wails back. And it’s her childhood home, too! That says a lot of positive things about her mother’s attitude towards sex.

Maybe that’s what leads Inari to have sex with Joey! Perhaps she wasn’t being sinister and abandoning her logic in the face of overwhelming lust; instead, let’s think of Inari as a woman who is so enthusiastic about her daughter’s choice in men that she has to ride his thick, veiny cock until she knows every inch of it by memory. Certain parents are more open than other parents, you know? Certain parents like to spread their pussies open so Joey Brass can go balls deep in them. Parenting: it’s a thing.

In all seriousness, “My Girlfriend’s Mother 3″ looks like a beautiful piece of porn. With studs like Nick Manning and Mr. Marcus hanging around, these hot babes have more than enough men on their hands to keep the scandals sizzling and the bedsheets stained, and you will not be disappointed.

· Sweet Sinner (sweetsinner.com)
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Whoa, “Lesbian Sorority” sounds like heaven. Just think about it: educated babes, living in a house together, throwing parties, getting drunk, doing big charity works, occasionally running into each other in the shower, and there are no grimy boys to worry about. Can you imagine what the hazing must be like? Dude. The hazing.

Of course, life isn’t all peaches and velour shorts at the “Lesbian Sorority.” A new girl, Sinn Sage, is moving into the house, and everybody wants to either fuck her, fight her, or both! Mmm, both.

Adriana Sephora is damn excited to have Sinn in the house, but her lover, Dylan Ryder, isn’t so thrilled. Dylan needs to know that Adriana won’t be running off with Sinn, and Adriana knows that there’s no better way to assuage a girl’s fears than by eating her out for twenty minutes. Adriana nips at Dylan’s thighs, kisses her clit, and lovingly bathes her labia with wide swipes of her tongue. That definitely puts a smile back on Dylan’s face! She reciprocates–not because it’s compulsory, but because she loves Adriana’s body–with some extended clit sucking and belly rubbing. Their relationship crisis is completely averted, and it only takes a little cunnilingus.

Meanwhile, Sinn Sage is getting her Welcome to the Sorority Screw courtesy of Sovereign Syre. Sovvy wants Sinn to know that, yes, there is a lot of Sinn-centric drama in the house, but that it’s only because Sinn is so gorgeous. Sinn responds to this flattery by scissoring and choking Sovereign until she turns red in the face. Sinn is much more than a pretty face; she’s a bonafide sex bomb, she’s a level 34 wizard of the womanly nervous system, and Sovereign discovers that Sinn has a delicious pussy, too. Yep, Sovereign has a great time with Sinn! That is, until Sovvy’s girlfriend, Drew Deveaux, finds out. How does she handle the competition? Let’s just say that she handles it. On her back. Naked. With Sinn’s mouth on her pussy.

How will Sinn unwind after so much stressful screwing? With more sex! Fortunately, there’s no pressure to impress or appease when it comes to Skin Diamond; these two girls get to relax, let down their hair, and spend serious time nuzzling, snuggling, and devouring each other. Skin rakes her nails down Sinn’s thigh, and it certainly gives her a thrill, but there’s a total lack of competition in the daring move. Skin isn’t trying to claim her, she’s only trying to forge a friendship. More to the point, she’s trying to get her nails and Sinn’s soft skin to be friends. Will they be friends? Can nails and thighs ever be friends?

As the back of the box tells us, “Lesbian Sorority” is absolutely brimming with “sensual femininity and confident lesbianism.” We’re not 100% sure what “confident lesbianism” means, but we are 100% down to start a band by that name.

· Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
· Buy “Lesbian Sorority” (adultdvdempire.com)

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Do you remember when Sovereign Syre lost her porn virginity? It was back in the August of 2011 when–oh, you don’t care about the process, you care about the product! Well here it is, Sovereign Syre’s hardcore lesbian debut in another one of Nica Noelle’s nail-biting, underwear-destroying tales.

We. Are So. Excited.

“My Sister Celine” focuses on Jasmine Jem, who just got engaged to Richie and is traveling home to meet his family. This shy flower feels an odd connection with Richie’s sister, Sovereign Syre (Celine), but their relationship takes time to blossom, mostly because Sovereign keeps messing with Jasmine’s brain in sexy ways.

For example, Sovvy and her girlfriend, Dylan Ryan, have a fight that turns into nasty reconciliation sex, and Jasmine can’t stop herself from spying on the action. Yes, nothing patches up problems quite like a bit of face sitting; Dylan can’t be mad when she’s got her nose, lips, and tongue completely buried in Sovereign’s pussy. We can only imagine what must be going through Jasmine’s mind as she watches Dylan with budding jealousy!

Things take a turn for the freaky once Richie and his mom leave Sovereign and Jasmine alone for the day. No, they don’t shtup each other, Sovereign calls up her friends and has an impromptu orgy at her place! Sinn Sage and Katsuni show up, have a couple drinks, and get all kinds of wet and sweaty on the couch. Boozed out and horny as they may be, these two girls are kind enough to lay a blanket down on the fancy furniture before scissoring and sucking on each other. What can we say about these two that we haven’t already? Katsuni is a legend, and we’re happy that she’s been working with Nica Noelle so often. Sinn Sage looks like that girl you wanted to be friends with in high school but were afraid she would be too cool for you and later discovered she was and is too cool for you.

Finally, Jasmine and Sovereign throw their concerns for Richie out the window as they eat each other out on a luxurious bed. Jasmine gets the touch that she’s been craving ever since she arrived in that house, and Sovereign discovers that her new toy’s tongue is far more experienced in the ways of clit-licking than she ever imagined. Naturally, this creates more problems than it solves…

How will Richie and his mom react? Sovereign keeps saying she’s been hanging out in Paris, but is that really true? (Hint: we know it isn’t but we don’t want to spoil the twist!) You have to get “My Sister Celine” and find out. It’s phenomenal. We’re buying ten copies and we don’t even have ten people to give them to.

· Sweetheart Video (sweetheartvideo.com)
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