This is a realistic representation of how people fool around in bed, and the music tells us that this particular hook-up is a momentous one, but there’s something missing. How are we supposed to empathize with Mylene Jampanoi’s great sex if we’re struggling to see her boobs?

Really, “Rani,” you’ve been so good to us so far, there’s no reason why you need to dial back on the nudity. We want our hearts (and other organs) to swell with the music that plays as Rani gets her boob grabbed, but we want to see more of the grabbage!

· “Rani” (imdb.com)
· Via Upcoming Nude Scenes (upcomingnudescenes.net)

One of the things that we love about “Rani” is that even in moments of ridiculous passion and naked comfort, there’s still something that reminds us of the oppressive reality this takes place in. Smoochy nudity and big boobs only come after we see the painful brand mark left on Mylene’s arm.

And yes, the fleur de lis looks kind of cool as a scar, but there’s really nothing cool about getting branded like that. Maybe if this were the 1990s we could let it slide, but this is the War of Austrian Succession, and there are no hip clubs where Mylene Jampanoi can show off her latest body modification.

· “Rani” (imdb.com)

Historians have long wondered how the shape of butts has changed over time, and if there was ever an era of unanimously perfect posteriors. The good people who make “Rani,” our new favorite TV show, have some ideas on the topic, and they’re using Mylene Jampanoi’s butt to illustrate them.

Look at her butt! And frankly, it’s not just the butt, it’s also the curve of her back and the muscles on either side of her spine. Maybe there are some nice asses in the world today, maybe asses were at their zenith of tightness back in the medieval era, but all we’re saying is that masked Englishmen steal into Mylene’s room at night to gingerly stroke her rear with a single hesitant finger, and that sounds like a serious endorsement to us.

· “Rani” (imdb.com)

The first episode of “Rani” blew us out of the water, and now the second episode puts us right back in the water, next to Mylene Jampanoi, as she’s taking a bath. That’s exactly where we want to be!

Now, two episodes worth of nudity isn’t yet a pattern—it’s just a pleasant coincidence—but we’re waiting with (mastur)bated breath to see what the third episode brings. We think the English officer is out of the picture for a while, but who knows! Wars have a semi-funny way of making people disappear and reappear, so maybe our Mylene will get busy with the Brit once more.

· “Rani” (imdb.com)

At least, that’s what we’ve gathered from watching the first episode of “Rani,” our newest TV obsession. Here we have our heroine, Mylene Jampanoi—whom you might remember from the Gainsbourg biopic—hopping into bed with an English officer! Drama ensues.

After falling in love and sleeping with this man, she gets accused of delivering secret battle plans to the British and accused of murdering her father. All of the treason and murder is really the fault of her wicked half-brother, but he’s framed her in a most ingenious and complete way! Will Mylene ever escape captivity? Will she ever see her love again? We don’t know the answer, but we pray that it involves sexiness like this.

· “Rani” (imdb.com)