We don’t pretend to be the sportingest blog out there (hey, Deadspin). But god dang it, the mattress is our field, HJs and BJs our moves, and, for us, scoring happens in loads of jizz. And hey, we get picked first if you know what we mean. But this gamesome couple is right up our alley, and we’d be proud to have them on our team.
Letters are cool, but numbers are cooler. Er, well, some of them. We do love our words. But do you know what’s better than even A, B, and C combined? 69! Because last we heard, reciting the alphabet didn’t include a bunch of tongue-on-genitalia action (though certain dudes use it as a cunnilingus “move”. [You can stop.]) Nevertheless, sixty-nine is one of our favorite numbers, words, and actions all rolled into one. We’d read a whole storybook of repeating 69s.
It’s an idyllic scene: skipping with your love through a flower-strewn field, sun shining on your backs as laughter and mirth swirl about you in giddy ecstasy. Yeah, that’s cool. But we’d like to replace “field” with bed, “laughter and mirth” with wanks and fingerfucks. And — oh, but we can keep the giddy ecstasy. That works here, too!
There are so many activities done better in pairs: riding a seesaw, playing catch, talking, moving a piano, brushing hair. Each provides satisfaction in its own way, but with the possible exception of brushing each other’s hair, we think frantic mutual masturbation is perhaps the greatest friendtivity. Shared experiences are what make the world go round.
We’re pretty sure anyone purveying our internet goods knows that a good self-bang is one of the finest pleasures on this earth (though we don’t want to be presumptuous). But following the old adage “the more the merrier”, it only stands that two friendly folks engaged in personal HJs are even better. Double the pleasure, double the moaning, double the orgasms, double the fun. We’d like to compound, multiply, exponentiate this figure and then see what happens. Could we get a hundred fervid masturbators jackin’ in a room together? It would be paradise on earth. Except for maybe the cleanup.
We’ve all heard of cloud nine, but cloud 69 is far better. It’s a cloud that’s all silver lining, and that lining is in the shape of two hotties engaged in mutual oral affection. So let’s all float across the skies of lust on a fluffy cumulonimbus of love, shall we?
There are certain occasions when the luxurious throes of foreplay can morph into the main event. Getting handsy with each other, indulging in some frottage and heavy petting is ever more sensual because it’s not underlain by that crazy biological compulsion to procreate. The only edict behind it is the libidinous urge to come your brains out.
Maybe it’s the warm weather but we’re feeling romantic around here. And what could be more romantic than denying your girlfriend’s orgasm until she deep throats your cock and licks your balls? This girl is surely in the throes of some sort of romantic passion as she writhes and begs for permission to cum.
We’ve almost never seen such an absolutely fucking hot mutual masturbation scenario. Every down-there pleasure point becomes the center of attention, blissfully on the receiving end of pleasurable probes, feverish fondles, and luxurious lappings of the tongue. We have no words. (Well, except these.)
Life with roommates has its stresses: they don’t do the dishes, leave their shoes in the hall, and they don’t know that a sock on the doorknob means “Keep out! There’s sexin’ going on here!” Luckily some deft mutual masturbation takes care of business lickety-split.
That’s how the old adage goes, right? We believe it translates roughly to “You feverishly rub and stroke me to orgasm and I’ll reciprocate”. Sage wisdom indeed.
It’s hard to find love in a new town, especially when you’re away from home for the first time. Poor Veronique Tremblay is dealing with that, plus the fact that she left home because there was a crazy murderous rampage that ripped through her house, so she’s understandably a little on edge. Maybe sex takes a little getting used to, but she is apparently 100% down to masturbate while standing over her boyfriend!
It has been awhile since we’ve talked about Abby Winters, that formerly-Australian girls-only company that fled to the Netherlands to seek a better life. But it appears the gang still likes to film women masturbating next to each other. In “Tempting Urges,” Iveta and Samsara smooch a little in a
It looks like Megan Jones and Nikki Sexx planned to have a lot of girls over for an orgy, but no one showed up. Now they have to use all their toys on each other and Nikki Sexx is clearly overwhelmed. Sure, she loves the way Megan slams her with
What’s more relaxing than a long bath with some sex toys and smooth jams? All of that, plus another person to help out, hold the camera, maybe get a blowjob and whatnot. We’re happy that the camera operator is there to entertain his girl, but honestly, we don’t think he’s
We get really excited when we think of new, never-been-done round-up themes. Seriously, we’ve done so, so many! And this one is especially great, because it’s a good activity for lazy, horny people. (Us.) Occasionally, you want to have sex, but you just can’t muster up the energy. Normally, this