Hmm, crack jokes on a post about butt sex. Poor taste? Welcome to Fleshbot! Give us your conspiracy theories and we’ll give you a pun about gaping anuses. Act now and we’ll throw in a joke about Rick Ross for free! (If we can think of one before this post goes up.)

Is it our imaginations, or has the adult industry (and New Sensations in particular) become quite fond of “cute,” “adorable,” and similar words? We enjoy it, it definitely puts a bright and sunny spin on porn, but we wonder if this will change the national lexicon someday. How long will it be until calling a girl “cute” is seen as slander, a suggestion that she’s down to inhale huge dicks with a smile on her face?

We love the term “down there.” It’s always said with an italicized voice and a wave of the eyebrows, and no matter what position the speaker is in, you can instantly picture them hiding something sweet and sexy under the tablecloth and between their legs. Such graphic subtlety, you know? It’s a paradox of pubic relations.

In the perfect world, all parents would get paid time off to be with their children during their earliest years. Sadly, we’re a long way away from that world, but maybe we can convince the government to send exceptionally-hung studs to the hard working MILFs of America every now and then, maybe with a few vouchers for the fancy lingerie of their choice. So, who wants to write up this We the People petition?

And yet, we think spelunking is a much more accurate term for what’s going on here. Yes, these gentlemen are taking a plunge into an anus, but plunge implies water is involved and plunger brings up some other unsexy connotations. Spelunking, however, is all about exploration and safety; that’s exactly the kind of mood we want to set for this butt sex bonanza.

In case you didn’t get the memo, nobody shakes hands anymore. For one, it’s an outdated mode of expression that many cultures don’t practice. Second, your hand is the germiest part of your body. Third, nothing says “I’m down with the program” quite like the overwhelming tightness and genital unity of a good double penetration. Keep this in mind for your next business meeting.

A lot, they are a lot sexy. Very much so. Super sexy is them. They are the sex. (This is what happens when Felicia Clover’s tasty thighs make the blood flee from the language centers of our brain to fill other, more attentive parts of the body.)

Audrey Rose is a very good student, from the looks of it. Or at least she’s mastered this important concept. Because grad school is hard —– like no less than five turgid cocks coming your way. But we think Aubrey’s acing them all.

Counting calories? We all are, but now you don’t have to worry about how many pretty panties you polish off! “My Little Panties 5″ gives you all of the hot, cottony, lacy, frilly flavor you’d find in grown-ass undies but in a smaller, more efficient package (that’s connected to a hot teen pornstar). It’s the Snackwells of panties!

It sure has been a while since we’ve seen Nica Noelle directing movies for Mile High Media, but here she is, and she’s brought her classic kit of drama bombs with her: money, power, love, betrayal, and lots and lots of pussy eating. It’s nice to have you back, Nica.

What makes people fall in love? There’s a huge question. We don’t know about most of the hoi polloi, but as far as the couples in this fine film are concerned, they all doubled up so they’d have an easier time hopping into group sex scenarios. The best part about being a twosome is that you’re always primed for a threesome!

The thing that is funny to us about kinky movies and novels these days is they all seem to exist in a world in which people are shocked by blindfolds and threesomes and feather ticklers. No matter, it’s all stuff we love, so the characters can be shocked and we’ll just be turned on!

Everybody gets to be young (unless you’re one of those Benjamin Button types), but it takes a special kind of person to be glamorous. They possess a mix of poise and passion, a prismatic attitude that refracts light like the facets of a diamond, and–if they plan on getting anywhere near a Jules Jordan set–a collection of fancy lingerie that they don’t mind having stretched out and torn asunder to facilitate ass pounding.

We have yet to find out how the families of the “Filthy Family” series got to be so open and constant with their sexual activities, but as soon as we find out, we’re going to write the next big self help book based on their origins. So far, our best guess is that the entire household mixed up their daily multivitamins with horny goat weed and yohimbe bark.

You asked for more, so New Sensations and Eddie Powell are giving you more in every possible way. “Big Girls Are Sexy” returns to teach us that cushion isn’t just for pushin’, but also for snuggling with and falling asleep upon when said cushion-bearer makes you come so hard that your knees give out.

We think it’s funny that you can insert the words “Fifty,” “Shades,” and/or “Grey” anywhere you want to communicate fetishy sex to people. Somewhere, a manufacturer of Venetian blinds is rolling in dough because they started marketing their wares as “Fifty Pieces of Plastic That Throw Shades and Make Your Room All Grey.”

Digital Playground’s latest socially conscious smutfest stars Selena Rose as a sexy maid who may or may not be living in the country illegally. In this movie, as in real life, all of the erotic action begins with a surprise visit from the INS. Which male pornstar pays homage to Joe Arpaio? Click to find out!

You know how each and every human has their special unique scent? Well, we’ve always believed that everyone gives off a unique body heat as well. Some people feel warm like the sun, some feel warm like a hot bath, and others produce more acrid and acidic heats. We don’t know if there’s an ethnicity-wide warmth that qualifies as “Black Heat,” but if there is, it’s right here. Will it come through on camera? We’re about to find out.

If anybody’s going to be doing the corrupting around here, we’re glad it’s these pervy teens and not their teachers. We know, we’re employing a double standard, but we’re not trying to be ageist about it. All we’re saying is that it’s a beautiful thing when a grown ass man gets a blowjob from Cindy Starfall and realizes what spectacular oral sex he’s been missing his whole life.

We have to be honest: the title of this movie brings up a couple of baking images to mind, neither of which are necessarily sexy. There’s the muffin top, then there’s the phrase “with a bun in the oven.” Why do baked goods and sex go together so perfectly? And are bakers constantly getting laid because of it?