Sometimes when you tear off someone’s clothes you’re really hoping to find some brightly-colored exciting underpants, but hey, if it’s Barbara Palvin’s clothes you’re tearing off we’re betting you won’t mind the muted coverage.
It’s that time of year, when you can find a disgusting rusted metal boat floating in some isolated lake, tear off all the trappings of society, lay back, and make sure your inner labia is just the right shade of whatever.
We’re sure we’ve got plenty to help pick you up here.
Can’t nobody tell Rhana da Rocha how to dress. Yes, she is a model, and she has to wear fancy fashion items in order to make a living, but she’s free to wear things how she pleases. If she want to use a purse as a bra, she can; if she wants to wear her jacket backwards and show her ass off, then her buns shall be chilly. That shall be righteously chilly.
The time was right, Cara Delevingne. It’s nighttime, you’re with a posse, you’re moving through a crowd, the photographer has the sharp angle on your cleavage, and your nipple would be right there except for the pasties on your boob. Almost, Cara. Almost.
You want to take a shower with Meve, everybody wants to take a shower with Meve, but you have a long way to go before you get there. If you’re patient enough to wait for her to take off her various tops, if you can manage not to stare too hard at her tits, you still have to prevent yourself from being petrified by her eyes–them balls are aquamarine!
Beta-carotene helps improve your eyesight, especially your night vision, so will it help your eyeballs peer through Heidi Klum’s sheer dark dress? Is the night like a translucent top pulled over the world? You could also just turn the brightness up on your monitor and see nipples that way, but then you miss out on all the good carroty fiber.
Miranda, honey, sweetie, we hate to break it to you like this, but we think you need to have a chat with your clothing about your future together. We get that you’re a model, and fashion is important to you and your career, but it’s starting to look like there’s some strife between you and whatever fabric is blocking your boobs at any given moment. Maybe it’s time to address the issue. Better yet, undress the issue!
We’re not entirely sure why this Remi Rebillard gallery is called “The Philosophy Student,” although we think the model might actually be one, but we’ve known a few philosophy majors in our time and this sums them up perfectly. Humans naked in a strange light, trying to fit themselves into uncomfortable concepts as best they can, looking through windows that are also doors that are possibly locked and show us more about them (and their pubes) than anything cosmic or existential.
Think about how far swimsuits have come over the years. They used to be full-body numbers you had to don in bathing machines before being pushed into the ocean, and now we have string bikinis so skimpy you’d swear they were made from guitar strings. What does the future hold? Look at Monika Jagaciak for the answer: tits out, suspenders up, sexual tension everywhere.
Right now, a lot of people are saying things like “Damn, Katharina Damm!” and that’s fine, but we’re not going to do that. No, instead, we’re going to say, “Hey, Katharina, your breasts are shaped like beautiful little zeppelins. Thanks for putting them out there! Also, are you still dating Jared Leto?”
You might think Michea Crawford is being silly, but ask yourself this: if you get invited to the funeral of a famous modern dance choreographer who was known for highly eroticized performances, how are you going to dress? Yeah, that’s right, you’re going to dress just like Michea and the veil over your face will be swirled around like soft serve on the sexy cone that is your body.
Somebody is finally standing up to the sun and treating it like the continuous explosion of a massive fusion device that it is, and we’re glad that somebody is Cora Keegan with no clothes on. Nothing says, “Screw you and your sunspots and your helium” quite like the agonized arches of a naked model.
It’s strange how sensitive we’ve become to things like this. Lad’s mag girls never show their bottom halves naked, so the minute we get so much as a hint of bare crotch, we’re all over it. Case in point, this outtake of Seren Gibson puts us on the road to
perdition pussy, and we’re staring at it so damn hard.
Badder than old King Kong, meaner than a junkyard dog? Let’s not cast aspersions on her character like that. For all we know, Lauren could spend her spare time volunteering at homeless shelters and teaching orphans to read. Just because she puts on a few jewels and shows her tits and becomes a lean mean mama, that doesn’t mean she’s Cruella de Vil.
Is it fair to say they discovered her? It depends how you feel about Christopher Columbus. Nabilla Benattia is a Swiss model and very popular personality on French reality TV. At least Zoo is quick to admit their tardiness to the party: “We’ve scouted the world for a new Kim Kardashian–but it turns out we should’ve just hopped on a cross-channel ferry…”
What does it take to make a sexy spread such as this? Not much: some dramatic makeup, a woman in charge of her own body, a few gestures that signify independence while also suggesting an absurd damsel-in-distressness. Eliza Sys could probably get in a sexy state no matter what she’s up to, but this gallery is over the top hot thanks to a special secret ingredient: Pierre Dal Corso!
Florence Dolce is gazing longingly at something out across the sea. What could it be? Is her ship going to come in? Someone to give her the solid pounding she so clearly deserves and yearns for? Perhaps she’s a narcissist and what she really wants is another babe who looks just like her to sail up on the horizon and make all her dreams come true. Someone with tweakable nipples and flawless skin and legs to get all tangled up in and a very very kissable cunt? Ok, we’ll just leave you with that image.