We love a gal who can multitask. Especially one who can multitask naked! And even more especially when the tasks at hand (and mouth) involve blowin’ some sexy dicks. Sure, we’re impressed by a person who can ride a unicycle over a tightrope while spinning plates on sticks and stuff, but there’s something to be said for skills with practical applications. And getting two dudes to blow mega loads onto your waiting chest? Yeah, mad practical. And also awesome.

This roving Russian gang is like the Bratva, but instead of choosing to conspire over money laundering or racketeering (what even is that anyway?) they deliver stealthy blow(job)s to all their friends and enemies. While on roller skates! Ya scurred?

Hey, we want a cool, refreshing draught from the bottomless well that is Holly. Oh, but we misspoke. Not only is she blessedly bottom-full, but that ish is full as can be. With cock! Of course. So maybe it’s not as much cool and refreshing as hot ‘n’ nasty. But in a good way. And who are we kidding? We’ll sip from that cup, too.

It reads like a headline straight from a sensationalist 1950s paper — or something. Actually, we think surburban sprawling America would be quite taken aback at this style of sexual libertinism. But as far as we’re concerned, instead of 2.5 kids we’d prefer 2 dudes and a chick who get in on in all kinds of ways. Maybe the beatniks were into this jive…

This chickie might not have much to say — and it’s not just because her mouth is full of balls — but we think it’s because she prefers to get her message across with her eyes. Words can be messy, misconstrued… But her eyes are like, definitely saying, “Hey, put all your dicks in me”.

There are some states of “totally fucked” that are less than ideal. Fall down the stairs without health insurance? Totally fucked. Polish off a 10-course tasting menu dinner to find you left your wallet at home? Yeah. But, hey! Why not skew things positive and think of all the glorious and lovely ways to be completely f-ed. Like suckin’ dicks and getting head in a mega hottie formation of libido unfurled.

We often look to MILFs as the beacon of wise and experienced loveways. But we mustn’t discount the contribution of fresh, young faces (and their accompanying pussies). They’re proving to us that they, too, know a thing or two about dick-wrangling. Aubrey Addams must have done her spitroast homework, because we’re gettin’ sorta schooled.

Or at least on this cruise ship. The BJs are also a healthier option, too. But we digress. These hardworking chickies can clear the tables, do their sidework, get that silverware sparkling, and polish off a couple raging boners while they’re at it. Now that’s multitasking! We could really use that kind of work ethic.

But this is better than any real life carousel, because you can ride more than one figurative pony at once. Or, at least Andi Anderson can. And when the studs at hand are Erik Everhard, Steve Holmes, and Marco Banderas, there’s no reason to stick to just one. Yeah, we’d like to take these guys for a spin on the merry-go-round. Just not too fast because our motion sickness might kick in. But we’d man up and chase a couple Dramamines with these mondo cocks because, well, that’s just a good time. We’re not sure what’s with the jailbird outfits going on here — we’re feeling mighty free and easy.

What does it say about our culture when we can’t even be bothered to turn off the TV during a real, live spitroast? We’re as big a fan of Roseanne reruns as the next guy, but certain activities do benefit from undivided attention.

But there is a wobbly H. And there’s also a “those” in the word threesome, as in, “Those guys are really giving it to that lucky, blindfolded young woman!” We can’t tell if she’s having an awesome time or just a chill time. On the one hand, she seems a