It took a few years to see the revealing outtakes from Lady Gaga’s V Magazine shoot, and the same can be said of Jennifer Lopez’s outtakes, but Miley’s outtakes showed up like bam, like fresh out the grease! Does that mean Miley Cyrus is a bigger celebrity than Gaga or
Or, from another angle, she’s nearly naked and that makes us go “Daaaamn, girl.” It’s not that we’re surprised–we expect Miley to keep pushing the envelope and we know Mario Testino always brings the raunch dressing–it’s just that Miley is about a skip, hop, and a jump away from being the next alt queer pornstar of your dreams and we wonder if she knows that.
What does the sun do to your body, Miley? We’re not asking from a vitamin D and UV standpoint, we’re asking about your heart. Do you feel the photons awakening something inside you? Does the day seem made for flesh? Do clothes suddenly feel wrong? It’s a new season, Miley, time for a new wardrobe (but please keep those shorts in regular rotation).
Hasn’t anyone ever told Miley not to throw asses on glass balconies? It seems like celebrities forget this all the time (and we forget how many times we’ve used Shakespeare and glass house jokes). Anyhow, Miley gets a pass because she was also spotted smoking a, uh, hand-rolled cigarette between her thumb and forefinger. You know, like people do.
So we all know Miley is doing this whole andro, Robyn-hair-rip-off, “my metabolism will never agree with me as much as it does right now and I’ma milk it with this Thin White Duke thing as long as I can” thang right now, and we have to say, it gives us a boner. People’s make-overs rarely give us boners, so that is saying something. Frankly, as child stars flaunting their legal sexuality independence goes, this kicks Ashley Olsen’s hippie phase’s ass.Case in point, half a dozen syllables said it all at the Grammys: spec.tac.u.lar.side.boob!
We often wonder what Miley Cyrus would do if she weren’t a big celebrity making music and movies and whatnot. If she ever gets tired of the limelight, she should find a nice beach town and lead massive yoga classes on the shore every dawn and dusk. We guarantee that people will show up to
ogle her learn from her.
Are you feeling this bodysuit as much as we’re feeling it? It’s fly as fuck, plus her breasts are all up in there, pointing out, being themselves, looking like she has paint on them and nothing else. Is she wearing a bra? Probably not. How about panties? We’re trying to
Remember when Miley Cyrus appeared in that Borgore music video (with cake all over her tits)? Well, the saga continues: she took to the stage with him in Hollywood for his “Christmas Creampies Concert” and spent some time belting it at strippers with their boobs out. A strange scene, but a happy scene.
Let’s not blow this out of proportion though. Is Miley BFFLs with Jessie? No. Are they acquaintances? Perhaps. Were they in the same music video? They were, and the song is about Jessie, so Miley must be familiar with her. Does the music video show Miley Cyrus with a bunch of cake on her boobs. Yes, it does, and that’s the real treat here.
Guess how many bras are shown in Miley Cyrus’s last official photoshoot for MileyCyrus.com? Zero. We’re not even waiting for you to guess. The answer is zero. So now we can say that Miley officially hates bras and doesn’t want them tainting her good name/preventing us from seeing her nipples through her shirt.
Is there any argument that isn’t strengthened by a pair of perky boobs? We’re not trying to be shmucks about this; we’re sure whatever Miley is saying is intelligent, accurate, and eloquently phrased. Still, that mound of cleavage is a nice way to punctuate her point. It’s as if every sentence of hers ends with, “Also: tits.”
Some people will say they’re tired of Young Miss Miley Cyrus strutting around town with no bra. We say you can never have too much of a good thing. And we can tell that Miley’s nipples are really just fantastic. As is her growing collection of conveniently transparent tops. Miley, we’re proud of you. Bras are just a way for the patriarchy to bind and oppress a woman’s passion. Let your freedom flag fly. Nay sayers be damned.
By now you’ve probably heard the big hoopla about the iHeartRadio show in Las Vegas, huh? Yeah, man, Miley Cyrus’s nipples were totally visible through her shirt. Every time the flash went off it was like, “BAM! Nips!” and naturally this made every celebrity in the arena want to take pics with her. Oh, and the lead singer of Green Day had a tantrum or something.
What? For real? All this sideboob for us? There’s a saintly level of generosity at work and Miley Cyrus’s complete lack of giving a fuck is so insanely hot. And is she flexing her bicep in that picture on the right? She could destroy us at arm wrestling.
It’s official, you guys: people of all shapes and sizes want to be seen hanging out with Miley Cyrus when she’s not wearing a bra. Do you know what this means? We’ve finally found the ultimate common ground upon which to found a society of peace and love! Let’s get this Israel-Palestine treaty going already, shall we?
We know there’s a Women’s Studies Feminist Sexuality in Popular Music thesis in here somewhere. Is this a manifestation of the three witches from Macbeth partying in the USA? Maybe it’s a Little Mama Thing? An empowering tribute to the female gaze? A critique of femme on femme desire? Hot Pants of Many Colors? We can do this all night, folks.
No, we’re not talking about polishing our twenty-two inch rims, we’re talking about… You know, forget it. Here’s Miley Cyrus looking slightly uncomfortable in a dark bathtub. She’s beautiful, and we love the intense amount of side- and underboob going on, but her body position reminds us of senior portrait day. (That’s not a bad thing though. We looked so fly for senior portrait day. Good memories.
Pants: who needs ‘em? Certainly not Miley Cyrus, who ditched the shackles of her legs’ oppression on the set of the “Who Owns My Heart” video. We’re kind of hoping this is the start of an anti-pants movement (or at least fashion trend)…think it’ll happen?
We admit it: we were the tiniest bit broken hearted when we heard that teen queen Miley Cyrus had gotten engaged to one Liam Hemsworth (aka her long time boyfriend). But then we remembered something important: sure, Miley might be legally giving her love to one man and one man only…but that doesn’t mean she won’t be sharing her lovely body with the rest of the world. Not if her nipples have any say in the matter, anyway.