Hey, your dick is supposed to go inside Melanie Rios, bro! Don’t you know anything? We get it though, you just want her close — real close. We can’t blame you. We suppose it’s easier to just grab her booty and get to pumpin’ without worrying about any of that pesky penetration business. Skin-on-skin does always feels nice; we suppose this is like a close private part snugglefest, which doesn’t sound half bad. At least for a little while!

Can you believe the nerve of this girl? BiBi shows up at Nacho and Erik’s place, gets them to cheat on their respective girlfriends, and then sells them some subprime mortgages. Just because she’s having her first boy-boy-girl threesome, she thinks she gets to be the Angel of Destruction. Some people!

At first, we were goofing on this movie for its simple name, but then we thought about what it contains: four and a half hours of interviews, strip teases, and hardcore fucking from Asa Akira, Lexi Belle, Chanel Preston, Melanie Rios, and Jessie Andrews. That sounds pretty super to us.

We’re used to seeing Nica Noelle movies about younger men lusting after older women, but now she’s flipped the script and FILFs are chasing twenty-something year-old babes! What should we call these gentlemen cougars? Bobcats? Would they like it if we called them Big Poppa?

We heard that CBS was thinking of making “Kayden’s Kourt” the hardcore answer to “Judge Judy,” but then they realized that nobody is more hardcore than Judith Sheindlin, no matter how many people you bang in the name of the law (and Kayden bangs a ton of dudes in the

We’ve seen male POV, we’ve seen female POV, but we’ve never seen porn from the view of the soaking panties worn by young, sexy teens. How amazing would that be? It’d be revolutionary. But Doghouse Digital has decided we’re not ready for that. That’s fine, it’d be a lot to

It’s like, whatever, you can’t tell these teens that big cocks are off limits because they need to learn their own boundaries. However, if a teen is having sex with her best friend’s father, the consequences of tampering with that relationship are “Too Big For Teens.” Of course, it all

Whenever I’m a little tired of porn, when I’m not in the mood to dissect “male gaze,” or analyze whether or not the women in a movie are enjoying themselves, I go back to Nica Noelle. She’s just so awesome and consistently sexy. Also, Xander Corvus is hot. Remember that

Another day, another story of a family torn apart by the sexy babysitter who strolls through the house, leaving slack jaws and stiff cocks in her wake. But what’s this? Two babysitters?! There will be no survivors. “The Babysitter 4″ starts out simply enough: Natasha Nice offers to babysit Xander

Ah, there’s nothing more fun than watching some new girls turn old tricks. With a little tutelage from Jules Jordan and company, these young pups will master doggie style in no time! Take a look at Katie St. Ives: she naturally wants to have Jules Jordan spoon her, but a

As the news has turned into a nonstop parade of stories about the pornstars bedded by Charlie Sheen, we’ve found ourselves wondering when someone would have the brilliant idea to make a movie starring Charlie’s coterie. Well, someone did. The classily (and succinctly!) titled “Not Charlie Sheem’s House of Whores

Just dealing with an oil overload is one thing, but will Rebeca Linares and company be able to handle an overload of men as well? Chris Streams is putting seven girls to the test for your scientific enjoyment. Rebeca Linares, Jenna Presley, Andy San Dimas, Chanel Preston, Melanie Rios, Gigi

Melanie Rios (kindgirls.com)

Two pornstars enter the ring…and after an exhausting display of their sexual talents, one of them is crowned champion by their pornstar peers. At least that’s how we think it goes down on the set of “Superstar Showdown.” Though when the competitors are ladies as lovely and talented as Tori

Valerie and Melanie Rios (met-art.com)