Did you know that the most commonly reported sexual problem for heterosexual couples is that the man’s penis is too large? (We may have mentioned this in the past.) No one in this movie has any complaints of that nature; we just wanted to make sure you don’t feel bad for having a cock smaller than Mandingo’s. We’re all in that boat with you, brother.

Mandingo is a gentle soul with a cock that is both royal scepter and fearsome cudgel. No one ever comes to harm when grappling that third leg of his, but doing so is a life-changing experience, and some people find that they’ve been so transformed by that big ol’ bone that their entire lives are upheaved. Basically, there’s an existential violence associated with Mandingo’s manhood, but that’s about it.

We’ve seen quite a few face rides before–we’ve even had the pleasure of providing some–but never in the history of the sport has there been an athlete who so flawlessly defines what it means to ride face. Krissy Lynn’s lower back twerking and resulting ass waving isn’t just beautiful to watch, it’s also a brilliant way for the girl to maximize the amount of pussy she smears on Mandingo’s mouth. This is some ESPN level cunnilingus.

For real, we just don’t know what to do with a title like “Black Owned 4.” What does “Black Owned” mean? Is that like when a pre-owned car was in the possession of a black person? That’s a weird distinction to make. Is Jules Jordan using “owned” like gamers use it? Like pwned? Does Mandingo pwn females with his wang?

That ain’t no sidewinder, it’s “Mandingo Massacre 6,” the latest film of a series that we try ever so hard to portray in a peaceful light. It’s like, you know his penis brings pleasure, we know it, everybody knows it, but you can’t look at that dong of his without seeing a weapon. It’s like the Monolith from “2001: A Space Odyssey.”

We swear, this time we’re done talking about the violence in the title of this franchise. Now we just want to talk about the way women gaze at Mandingo’s dick. Look at Skin Diamond right here, staring that shit down, not doing the corny thing when she drapes it across her face and looks surprised that it reaches from chin to scalp. Skin holds that dick like she’s about to eat her first burrito in years.

It seems like just yesterday we were decrying the use of “massacre” to describe what Mandingo’s penis does to people. Now that we’re on the fourth installment of this series, the title almost seems quaint! Finally, we can focus on what really matters: analyzing the ways in which Mandingo’s mighty member pleases pornstars.

We envision a world in which the world “massacre” is so outdated that the only time it gets brought up is when people are discussing “Mandingo Massacre 3,” and then they’ll just assume that “massacre” is a fat contraction for “the massive acre of ass” that Mandingo can cross just by unzipping his fly.

Even though this title says “HIS DICK WILL HUNT YOU DOWN,” Mandingo is actually quite the gentleman! He’s a father, he spends his free time doing handiwork around the house or hanging out in nature, and if Julia Ann finds herself uncontrollably drawn to his giant cock, it’s only because

Then again, that’s how everybody gets involved with Mandingo. You think you’re just going over there to play some Playstation and then BOOM: you’ve got one of the world’s largest and most powerful cocks sitting in your hands. Game on. We feel like “massacre” might not be the right word,

Puppies: not the first word we would use to describe pornstars with voracious appetites for cock, but hey, to each her own! We’re not here to debate semantics, we’re here to discuss Jules Jordan’s latest batch of babes who see cocks and instantly feel that puppy lust creeping up inside.

In this charged post-racial environment, where new found equanimity trumps all previously separating ideologies, Jules Jordan must have wondered if the illicit thrill of interracial would still resonate enough to generate register rings. His new release screams yes. You simply cannot put sexpot Gina Lynn between two throbbing fuck sticks

A lot of you probably watch any film featuring porn stud Mandingo with a “that can’t be real” expression permanently affixed to your face, but as many female adult stars can attest … it’s real enough. Nautica Thorn, however, is a professional who does not shy away from a shocking