Oh, you remembered Mother’s Day, too? What’d you do, get your mom some flowers? Bouquets are scepters of apology. Lexington Steele didn’t just get a gift for one special lady, he made a movie called “Lex is a Motherfucker” so he can enchant horny MILFs and MILFs-to-be all over the world with his wonderful wand-like wang. You better step your game up for Father’s Day.
…even if Lisa Ann’s never having given birth excludes her from being a “pure” MILF, we’re happy to make her an honorary one.
If there’s one thing we like, it’s a saucy MILF. If there’s one thing we like even better, it’s two of them! This isn’t the first time we’ve seen these mega-MILFs together — but it looks like they’ve perfected their relationship by way of sexy makeouts, tasty fingerbangs, and lapping upon giant, MILFy tits. It’s a beautiful affair.
“Feeding Frenzy” seems like a misnomer for what goes on in this film, but it’s certainly a poetic misnomer. That terms makes us think of swarms of piranha or sharks feeding on groups of fish, but here we have a school of dudes being fed upon by one voracious babe. What would be a better title for that? “Bingebang,” “Greedy Cock Gobbling,” “Ball Buffet for One”? Those sound kind of lonely.
There they are, jiggling by the hands of babes, joggling by the fervid thrusts of rock-hard cocks in muff and ass, swimming across our vision like beautiful, bouncing suns. It’s heaven, we tell ya. And here’s a fun mission for you — can you identify each lady behind the boobielicious bounty pictured above?
Some may believe that humor and sex are mutually exclusive — but we think the two go hand in hand (or wherever the case may be) quite nicely. Parody porn may get us in a special way because at its outset, we’re taken into a world of lighthearted frivolity and jokes. But then it all gets subverted as perversity seeps in. Sometimes dipping your toes in the water first makes for a more sensual experience than diving right in!
Mandingo is a gentle soul with a cock that is both royal scepter and fearsome cudgel. No one ever comes to harm when grappling that third leg of his, but doing so is a life-changing experience, and some people find that they’ve been so transformed by that big ol’ bone that their entire lives are upheaved. Basically, there’s an existential violence associated with Mandingo’s manhood, but that’s about it.
Next Friday, we’re having our monthly burlesque show, Fleshbot Friday at Headquarters Gentlemen’s Club, and Lisa Ann is going to be our very special host. We saw her at AEE, and as soon as she learned we’re with Fleshbot, she started going on about how stoked she is to host. We’re so touched! She’s a legend and she digs us! So here’s a shameless plug out of the mouth of Lisa Ann.
Sometimes us porn bloggers feel bad. Not like, morally bad, but like we should’ve majored in something useful in college. Imagine if we had studied alternative energy! Then we could be the ones doing all this deep anal drilling and preventing the next ice age from showing up next Tuesday. These people are the real heroes!
We’re not joking, neither. Our hearts skipped a handful of beats when we saw Tori Black pop-up in two scenes in this film. Not one scene, two! However, we don’t want you asking yourself, “How long ago were these scenes made?” Instead, ask yourself, “How long until I recover from watching these scenes?” You’re going to be a little bedridden.
It saddens us to see these two fighting, but at the same time, we can’t think of a battle we’d rather see. They both got started doing porn in the Nineties, they both have huge, glorious fake boobs, and if you take smut pseudonyms seriously (like we do), these women are sisters! This is like watching the children of monarchs duke it out for the throne, except with more baby oil and blowbangs.
Oh, MILFs. We wish we had them around at all times. When we fall and scrape our knee, they’d pop right up with a Band-Aid and a kiss. And if we got a nasty cold, they’d show up at our side with a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup and some cold meds. And when we’ve got a hard cock that just won’t quit, well, there they are to take care of business. They’re straight-up superheroes, we tell ya!
And if her facial expression is anything to go by, Lexington Steele’s dick tastes like the first popsicle of summer: thirst quenching, relaxing, the perfect bit of bright sugar energy tempered by a bit of salty sweat. Naturally, when you’re eating something this delicious, you get the urge to sit on it and fuck it good.
Lisa Ann has heard about the sex positive movement, and she think it’s just swell. So she’s taken it upon herself to encourage everyone around her to make their sex dreams cum true (our favorite is Dana DeArmond dominating paperboy Xander Corvus!) We’re not sure if this is the full extent of the meaning of a positive mental attitude but when there’s this much hot fucking going on we’re not complaining!
Picture it: a hot young ranger has been staking out an enemy camp for days, she’s low on food and water, and she still has to get in there and neutralize the general…with her ass. Not everybody is cut out for this kind of life, but some certainly are. They are the few, the proud, the well-lubricated, and with the help of a squad of roughneck rump wranglers, these young pornstars will have their patoots pounded into battle-ready booties.
You know what DreamWorks animators do at night? They sit around designing the hyper-realistic breasts of their dreams. Today, we realized that no matter how powerful their computers get, no matter how massive their budgets are, their wildest mammary machinations will only be pale shadows compared to the real life, oil-dripping breasts of Bridgette B.
Why hasn’t the CDC responded to the massive outbreak of “MILF Mania” in America? Is it even a disease? Some people think it’s bacterial, some say it’s a virus, and some people think it’s a product of the United States finally having a gorgeous First Lady, but the streets are on fire and all of our authority figures are hiding in their homes watching reruns of “Cougar Town.”
It’s going to be a lovely event. Local organic restaurants will be catering, we have a jazz band playing from 9 until question mark, and all of the proceeds will be going to People Without Butts (it’s like Doctors Without Borders, but for butts). We’re sorry if you didn’t get an invitation, but it’s only because your rump was not deemed bodacious enough to sit amongst the rumps of Lisa Ann, Chanel Preston, Angel Vain, and others. No hard feelings?
After achieving a modicum of mainstream fame with the Showtime series “Family Business,” porn director Seymore Butts started to go quiet for a while—so quiet, in fact, that we wondered if he’d left the industry for good. But our fears were misplaced, as this trailer for the brand new “MILF