Once again, your gal pals have stuck you with the burden of planning a bridal shower and everybody wants something different. One girl is gluten-free, two are vegan, and there’s that one who won’t give up the damn Atkins diet. What will you serve? Don’t worry about it: Rico Strong, Lexington Steele, Prince Yahshua, and Jon Jon have you covered (in jizz).

The sound of Whore Clogs clacking up the walk of a modest home will always sound like Porn Valley to me, and nowhere but here are they as common as crickets. Today they belong to Jada Stevens, who exits a Bentley on her way to getting fucked by a resurgent Lexington Steele and Prince Yahshua.

We have a love-hate relationship with bras, but we don’t think they should be torn asunder by huge breasts. Even on days when we curse them for getting in the way of total boob visibility, the worst we imagine for them is being turned into water balloon slingshots; creative doom, but not destruction. So how are we supposed to feel about the fourth installment of a porn series that ignores the bra’s feelings and it’s God-given right to support flesh?

When people think of pipelines, the only oil overload that comes to mind is a picture of someone’s backyard completely flooded with vile black sludge. If TransCanada can convince people that the new Keystone XL will help keep Nikki Benz’s boobs drenched with baby oil for titfucking fun, public opinion may shift in their favor.

The unspoken ladder of pornographic intensity states that girl-girl more hardcore than solo, boy-girl is harder than girl-girl, an so on and so forth. Interracial sex and double penetration used to be sitting pretty at the top of the heap, but now there’s a new way to play and every adult actress on the block is sure to be counting down the days until she finally has her first “Double Black Penetration.”

Here’s a sweet thought: porn is about people helping people. Performers help each other put on a good scene to help everyone make money, the smut ends up helping people like you fill your fantasies with specific splashes of bodily fluids. But that’s all big picture stuff. On a smaller level, the load that Lexington Steele deposits on Sheena Shaw’s face makes him a little bit lighter; what a noble thing for Sheena to do!

Once you’ve seen one wife berate her husband while riding a big black cock, you’ve seen them all, right? Wrong. Cuckoldry isn’t only about the physical intimacy between two and a half people, it’s about the circumstances that bring them together and keep them there, watching each other as holes are explored and vows are bent in the name of sexual freedom. Today’s scenarios involve golf, penis pills, and a lack of self control!

The thing that we love most about creampie porn is the way it makes you feel about intercourse. It’s as if every moment Prince Yahshua’s penis exists outside of Cindy Starfall’s body is a wasted moment; we’re pretty sure that’s how Prince feels on the regular.

It’s important to always show respect to the “Orgy Masters,” but you need to be aware of how hard you’re genuflecting and what it says to others. If you’re trying to say, “Hey, what’s up?” then a simple bow from the waist will do; if you get on your knees at any point, you’re going to end up with someone’s genitals in your mouth.

You know how each and every human has their special unique scent? Well, we’ve always believed that everyone gives off a unique body heat as well. Some people feel warm like the sun, some feel warm like a hot bath, and others produce more acrid and acidic heats. We don’t know if there’s an ethnicity-wide warmth that qualifies as “Black Heat,” but if there is, it’s right here. Will it come through on camera? We’re about to find out.

Whichever eyewear company Sean Michaels uses, they should send him some cash.

For real, we just don’t know what to do with a title like “Black Owned 4.” What does “Black Owned” mean? Is that like when a pre-owned car was in the possession of a black person? That’s a weird distinction to make. Is Jules Jordan using “owned” like gamers use it? Like pwned? Does Mandingo pwn females with his wang?

One of the things we love most about “Internal Damnnation”–besides the creampies and the religious connotation–is the fact that it makes us think of ejaculation as damnation. Can we please start using that as a regular term throughout porn? “Did you see that Asa Akira video? She takes a huge damnation to the face!”

Moms, dude. Moms. They give us life, liberty, and love, and we don’t even give them paid maternity leave. They have it hard, therefore, they deserve to get it hard from world class pornstars while their ungrateful husbands watch. Only in this way will balance on Earth be restored.

We don’t care that Lex’s half-erect cock is almost as big as Cindy Starfall’s head, we refuse to live in a world where teen pornstars have a no-can-do attitude towards massive members such as the one dangling from Lexington Steele. It’s not that we need them to take huge dicks all the time, it’s that we want them to feel confident in their abilities. They’re young and full of energy, and if they have to tap into a special inner strength in order to do anal with Mr. Steele, they will be better for it in the long run. Discipline is everything.

And if her facial expression is anything to go by, Lexington Steele’s dick tastes like the first popsicle of summer: thirst quenching, relaxing, the perfect bit of bright sugar energy tempered by a bit of salty sweat. Naturally, when you’re eating something this delicious, you get the urge to sit on it and fuck it good.

L.T. is back with a third offering of the finest black babes that the adult industry has ever seen, and as usual, he’s banging them all himself. We’re can’t even pretend like we’re not jealous. How could you not want to be him? Sierra Banxxx, Ana Foxxx, and Leilani Leeane parade on and off his pecker, and the world gets to watch and they all get paid.

There are a lot of steps you can take to improve your chances of having a successful orgy, but when you get down to what really matters, it’s all about how experienced the participants are. That’s why these “Orgy Masters” can decide to form a pile of bodies without warning: they know what goes where and when, and nobody has to remind them to lube up or scoot over or form a daisy chain.

Look at this picture of Prince Yahshua hugging Jada Stevens’s ass. Frame this picture, keep it by your desk, and whenever you feel sad or lonely, you can look at it and say, “Oh yeah, butt headlock!” and you will know that there is true love in this world.

You know what DreamWorks animators do at night? They sit around designing the hyper-realistic breasts of their dreams. Today, we realized that no matter how powerful their computers get, no matter how massive their budgets are, their wildest mammary machinations will only be pale shadows compared to the real life, oil-dripping breasts of Bridgette B.