We like those, but we like delectable confections of babe even better.

Remember that show “Prisoner: Cell Block H” that was on in the ’70s and ’80s? Foxtel decided to take a swing at the women’s prison soap opera, and they’ve introduced “Wentworth” as a prequel to “Prisoner.” What does that mean for us? It means we get to see a young prison governor ask to be fucked roughly.

Or wank to a babe. Same diff.

Is it fair of us to think of LoriDawn Messuri as a softcore goddess? We know she’s appeared in non-smutty contexts–like “Party of Five” and “The Bold and the Beautiful”–but we always think of her as the ravishing redhead who takes out her tits and inadvertently summons disaster. Case in point: python!

Let’s say you’re the world-famous DJ and producer known as Felix da Housecat, you have a single called “I Just Want to Be a Lesbian,” and you need a music video for it. What do you do? We’ll tell you: you pair your sick jam with a collection of cheesy, raunchy, retro girl-girl smut and post it to YouPorn. Because you’re a badass.

We’d like to go to a naked pool party with Alexis Texas. That’d be great — we’ll bring the floaties! We’re really cool with Alexis’s guest of the day being Jayden Jaymes, though. You need nary a float around when their buoyant booties and lovely breasts join forces. And then they go down on your dick. Yeah, that’s poppin’ plenty quick.

We’re down! If by “tap” you mean “touch,” and “dance” you mean “ourselves”.

Because Sinn Sage is in town, and ain’t nobody wanna miss that. It’s like when the old-timey instrument repairfellow would pass through town twice a year, and all the violinists from miles around would bring their fiddles for a tune-up. It’s like that, except Sinn Sage does it for hot chicks and their asses. Yeah, she gets that body feelin’ right. She does it like no one else can, and that’s why she’s a master of her craft. Come to think of it, we could use a little adjusting ourself. Oh, Sinn? We need you!

Dudes can find dudes with their smartphones, hetero individuals can find other heteros too, but what about ladies looking for ladies? Why isn’t there a lusty locator app for the vaginally-inclined among us? There is! (Or there soon will be!) It’s called The Sizzr, and it needs your help getting off the ground.

‘Kay, we’re not sure how much luck a single penny can bring you. But a gaggle of babes? That shit’s quantified.

If there’s one thing we like, it’s a saucy MILF. If there’s one thing we like even better, it’s two of them! This isn’t the first time we’ve seen these mega-MILFs together — but it looks like they’ve perfected their relationship by way of sexy makeouts, tasty fingerbangs, and lapping upon giant, MILFy tits. It’s a beautiful affair.

No, this isn’t your run of the mill sleight-of-hand with cards, quarters, or bunnies in hats. These ladies don’t even need a magic wand to make our head spin. Although we guess a magic dildo sort of counts. But we suppose any dildo would become a little enchanted if placed between Nikki and Veruca. When their powers combine, they could probably part the sea of traffic in LA, flatten the Hollywood Hills, or expunge the city of real housewives. They could do this, sure. But turning their faculties to lascivious lesbian sex likely makes the greatest good. At least we think so.

We may not all be shareholders of Tumblr (drat!), but these babes have us feelin’ pretty rich.

We’re sure we’ve got plenty to help pick you up here.

That’s basically the bottom line here. But we’ll make some commentary because, hey, that’s what we do. Your room is a little messy, girls. Maybe it’s clothes and undies strewn about from deciding what to wear for a night out to the club. Or maybe those are bags full of lovely new dildos just waiting to be tested out. Hell, maybe you’re gonna squeeze both these activities into the same evening… So, you better get a move on! There’s no time to just sit around fondling each other and all deep-tonguing each other’s throats. Just kidding — there’s always time for that.