Well this sure is refreshing. Instead of being interviewed about holidays and sports and that nonsense, Zoo lets Melissa and Daisy duke it out with a series of their raunchiest sex stories! Sex in a tent, while driving, in a field, and even in a sand bunker on a golf course: these girls are dirty and willing to dish them deets.

Is it fair to say they discovered her? It depends how you feel about Christopher Columbus. Nabilla Benattia is a Swiss model and very popular personality on French reality TV. At least Zoo is quick to admit their tardiness to the party: “We’ve scouted the world for a new Kim Kardashian–but it turns out we should’ve just hopped on a cross-channel ferry…”

Florence Dolce is gazing longingly at something out across the sea. What could it be? Is her ship going to come in? Someone to give her the solid pounding she so clearly deserves and yearns for? Perhaps she’s a narcissist and what she really wants is another babe who looks just like her to sail up on the horizon and make all her dreams come true. Someone with tweakable nipples and flawless skin and legs to get all tangled up in and a very very kissable cunt? Ok, we’ll just leave you with that image.

Everybody knows what pigtails are for. Pulling. Yanking. Tugging. That’s how you get pretty girls’ attention you know. Even if they scream or threaten to tell on you, that’s just because they like you too. Then of course, pigtails make an excellent handle to grab onto when that pretty girl is down on your dick.

You get one big boobed brunette (India Reynolds) sharing her thoughts and opinions on ninety-nine other brunettes (celebrities, models, socialites, etc), and before you know it, everything you see is brown–or rather, very many shades of brown, from chestnut and auburn to mahogany and chocolate. We’re just happy they didn’t call this “100 Shades of Brunette.”

Happy St. George’s Day! Ok, we’re actually very late to celebrate this, but we have a number of excuses. Firstly, we’re not British, so we’re new at this. Secondly, if you look at the Gregorian calendar, St. George’s Day is actually on May 6th, which is today. Thirdly, we didn’t feel comfortable mentioning this auspicious day without the help of a gorgeous topless woman, and it took us a while to find Summer St. Claire.

We have seen a lot of chaps in our time (seriously, we used to live in San Francisco), but we have to say we have never seen shorts chaps. And if maybe we have seen them we have certainly never seen them worked as well as Tatiana Likhina is working them here. They sort of look like a chaps skirt, which makes us realize that actual chaps are kind of an ankle length skirt, which really makes you see chaps in a whole new light.

British reality TV star Sophie Anderton had heard about the mind-expanding potential of sensory depravation tanks, and she had already tried a bunch of other mind-expanding extracurricular activities, so she thought she’d give this one a go. Then she found out it costs an arm and a leg so go into one of those actual tanks, and she’d already spent her spa budget for 2013 on bathing in the blood of virgins to get her skin looking so luminous.

Ya’ll know here at Fleshbot we like some gender-bending. Put a buxom babe in a baseball cap and we’re happy. Isn’t there something so nasty and tough about Lucy Pinder now that she’s got that cap on? Doesn’t she look like she would straddle you and take what she wants, all without getting a sunburn on her pretty face?

We’re not a picky bunch over here at Fleshbot. It’s not that we don’t have standards or preferences, but we enjoy finding the good and sexy in whatever comes our way. We’re even willing to focus on Hayley’s beautiful boobs popping out of her Wonder Woman and Robin costumes when she says something inane like, “We should put a mask on the Joker so he might look better.” (We just… We don’t even know what to do with that.)

We never would’ve thought to dress up Rhian Sugden like Catherine Tramell, and frankly, we’re embarrassed about that. Rhian makes a smoking hot Sharon Stone, and we think she should star in a series of spreads based on other Stone films: Casino, Total Recall, The Quick and the Dead, let’s keep ‘em coming.

If we hadn’t already Nirvana and Suicidal Tendencies and Municipal Waste in 1991, we would really, really like them now. Ain’t it funny how yesterday’s thing you did to piss off the establishment is today’s thing to jerk off to?

Maybe Tiffany Fallon travels with a stylist and when she feels a new persona coming on she gets turned into Mrs. Claus or a Skateboard Slut in three minutes flat like a crazy backstage Madonna scene change. And maybe she has a team of shirtless men wheel out a giant crescent moon for her to lounge upon. Wow, naked models have it so good.

It’s long been thought that certain video games, such as Tetris, can help improve hand-eye coordination, and recent studies suggest they can even improve the vision of people with a lazy eye. We’ve just discovered that when Mel Clarke and Rebecca Crow play with Tetris blocks, it’s improves our hand-genital coordination!

Mmhmm, guess you thought Nuts had it all wrapped up with the World’s 100 Best Boobs, huh? Wrong. Here comes Zoo with a list of the hottest women in the world–not body part specific or nothing like that–and they have one more woman than Nuts does. Shit is about to get so real on magazine stands around England.

We’re not saying these boobs aren’t spectacular, we’re just saying that they’re mostly from America and the U.K. and 93% of them are white. What we need is a lad’s mag that’s willing to scour every inch of the Earth, climb to remote mountainside villages, and find the hidden breasts of legend.

Think about it. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a room just for sex that way all enormous pillows? It would kind of like being swallowed up inside of an enormous vagina. Which you know you want. Otherwise, why would you be here?

It seems like it should get old, but there is a certain, seemingly irrepressible charm to porn stars in Vegas hotel rooms. Maybe it’s because you know that within a mile radius of these relatively intimate pics, the greatest extroverted explosion of adult media is occurring. You almost feel the relief from the starlets that they’re in a fortress with a mere few other people.

Get it? She’s not wearing clothes! (But don’t tell her that, we have a good thing going here!) Ah, anyway, the real sweet part of this spread is that it satisfies one of Holly Hagan’s dreams: to be on the cover of Nuts. “Everyone told me I’d never do it. I bet they walk around Tesco, see me on the shelf, and are absolutely gutted.”

First of all, we thought Peta Todd retired from the lad’s mag game. When did she come back? How did we miss it? We would’ve thrown a party or at least bought shots in her honor. Anyhow, gift horse, mouth, etc; what’s important is that she’s here and she’s sharing the 100 Rudest Film Moments with us. Don’t forget: rude is good!