Check out more from Richard Kern’s dirty journal at New Nude City
See what else Justene Jaro is into by visiting Stagg Street
We will not take the obvious route and write about crying over spilled milk. We are better than that. We can come up with all kinds of things to say about these kitchen pictures of Nicolette Novak. We could say she isn’t exactly making a good case for a woman’s place being other than in the kitchen! We can talk about how she looks good enough to eat! We could talk about breaking bread, or spanking with spatulas, or how she can pour her heavy cream all over our floor any time she … No! Dammnit! Aww, it was right there. Ok, let’s keep looking through this pictures for something that isn’t begging for a joke about… Ahhh! No! Mmmm-mu-must resist j-jokes about pussy….
You may not be able to carve a turkey or lay out the fixin’s for a three course meal inside this mini kitchenette, but there’s ample room to perch a fit ass and then proceed to fuck it. This is a quality amenity to have on your “important” list when apartment hunting.
Sure, Martha Stewart can make a mean casserole — but can she do it whilst being vigorously fucked from behind (sorry for that image)? We think no. What makes a truly accomplished chef in our book is being able to create a picture perfect multilayered lasagna while orgasming. They say you can taste a difference when people make food with love… Well, make it with orgasms and people should prepare for a real party in their mouths.
We’ve long known how “The Girl’s Guide to Depravity” feels about cuddling (it’s ardently anti-cuddling), but we never knew that it didn’t allow for extended bouts of sweetness and weekend-long banging. What’s Sally Golan’s beef with excellent and near-endless sex? Why does she want to have “the truth” get in the way of hot humping?
It’s a perfect recipe: two parts standing doggie with one part mouthy facial, served with a garnish of light teabagging on the side. Why, we could practically accomplish this with an Easy Bake oven.
Arden Leigh is a professional dominatrix who took all of her man-controlling skills and used them to turn herself into one of the leading female seduction experts. This photoshoot, in which she makes cupcakes wearing nothing but an apron, is clearly a calculated attempt to pluck our heart strings, our hard ons, and our Oedipal complexes. Damn her; it worked perfectly!
Add a pinch of this to a pinch of that and get a culinary masterpiece. Or, take a handful of ass, throw in a mouthful of cock, and add the leverage of the kitchen counter to create a lusty, luscious tour de force. And it’s the counter that really makes
And that someone is Nate “Igor” Smith, and he brought his camera! Now we can stop singing that obnoxious song about trains and horn blowing, and finally get down to figuring out what Dylan Ryan’s butt is doing in DJ VH1′s kitchen sink. Is it stuck? We’ve know how luscious