Why is massage porn so popular these days? We waxed pornographic about it a few days ago when we previewed “Erotic Massage Stories,” but we didn’t really get to the heart of the matter. We’re all extremely tense these days! Nobody gets enough sleep, nobody keeps an eye on their posture, and all we want from the world is somebody who will unlock all the knots in our backs and then bang us senseless.

Director Kevin Moore stages several tales of status reversals and sex-as-theatre in this entertaining and unpredictable movie, though the first scene made me sad.

By our count, the age-bending sex and hardcore humping that goes down in “The Stepmother 8″ will mess up one marriage for sure, and possibly interfere with the foundation of a second marriage. But who knows if it’ll stop there? It’s possible that after watching this film, you’ll be inspired to leave your wife for her hot mom. It’s sinspirational cinema.

“Feeding Frenzy” seems like a misnomer for what goes on in this film, but it’s certainly a poetic misnomer. That terms makes us think of swarms of piranha or sharks feeding on groups of fish, but here we have a school of dudes being fed upon by one voracious babe. What would be a better title for that? “Bingebang,” “Greedy Cock Gobbling,” “Ball Buffet for One”? Those sound kind of lonely.

Now that old papa Ratzinger is a shepherd without a flock, he must feel somewhat adrift. Fortunately for him, Mike Adriano is a compassionate man, and wishes to offer him a place of importance in the Church of Bootyism. Mike will, of course, remain Ass Pope for life, but he’s willing to let Benedict give out an osculum infame every now and then.

Millions of fathers got some extra special loving from their spouses on Sunday; the air over many suburbs was thick with the fog of thigh sweat, come drips, and contentedness. Imagine what the world would be like if those dads were married to the “Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers” of “Dirty Rotten Mother Fuckers 5″: nobody would ever see their parents again!