Which is more revealing: a T-shirt so wet that it barely fogs our view of Kate’s chest, or lapis lazuli-colored paint on Kate’s bare rack? This picture also includes Kate’s shaved pubes with some bottoms painted on, but we ask that you leave that point out of consideration when answering our question.

The cover was supposed to be revealed tonight on “The Late Show with David Letterman,” but a blogger leaked the image early and now we know that Kate Upton got the cover of the Swimsuit Issue for the second year in a row. Congratulations are in order: congrats to Kate, congrats to Sports Illustrated, and most importantly, congrats to cleavage! (That cleavage sure works hard.)

There is just something so grand about being underneath a great rack. Sometimes it’s a submissive thing, sure. A gorgeous woman looming over you, ready to do whatever the hell she wants to you. And sometimes it’s just visual, cuz boobs look great from side to side and upsidedown but how often do you get to see em like this: up close and personal, from beneath? Only when real good things are about to happen, that’s for damn sure.

Move along, folks. There’s nothing to see here except Kate Upton and her teasing ways. She’s just floating around a pool with her top down getting her face and chest in the way of an alligator fountain. Maybe you’ll find this image vulgar and/or suggestive, but if so, it will only be thanks to your loose imagination. Imagination slut!

Miss the summer? So do we. It’s cold, we’re sick, and the city is full of cute girls wearing far too many layers. The way we see it, we can either sit here and let seasonal affective disorder creep into our hearts, or we can ogle outtakes from Kate Upton’s GQ shoot that Terry Richardson posted.

GQ has really been bringin’ the babes lately, and their German counterpart is doing us proud. They’ve assembled a cast of the finest chickies we know, and of course have captured them in various states of undress. Bar Refaeli, Kate Upton, Irina Shayk — we’ll worship at your softcore altar forevermore.

People say print is dying, but we are here to happily announce that Kate Upton’s breasts are taking over everything, and so the future will still contain hundreds upon thousands of different magazines. However, every magazine will be for, about, and by Kate Upton’s breasts.

We know, we know–we’ve already spilled almost a quart of (digital) ink waxing poetic about Kate Upton’s GQ shoot–could there really be that much more to say about one magazine spread? Up until about two minutes ago, we probably would have said no–but then we saw this awesome outtake.

Earlier today, we asked you if you were getting tired of seeing Kate Upton’s boobs through a thoroughly soaked T-shirt, and so far, no one has responded with, “Yes! Enough of Upton!” We haven’t had any requests for more Kate Upton either, but when we ask ourselves–in the heart of our hearts–if we’re tired of seeing stuff like this, we hear a booming “No!” and also, “You shall post that GIF of Kate Upton!” and also the voice sounds like Ian McKellen.

We know that we already showed you a little behind-the-scenes footage of Kate Upton’s photoshoot in the latest GQ, so we hope you don’t mind us posting another video of Kate doing her thing. This is all about her talents: running in a bikini, hula hooping in a bikini, having her boobs fall out on a rollercoaster, and looking great in a wet T-shirt. Let us know if you’re tired of seeing Kate Upton in a wet T-shirt, because we’ll totally stop.

When you sit down and say grace before dinner tonight, don’t forget to add a little thank you to GQ, Kate Upton, and Terry Richardson for combining forces and printing a bunch of ridiculously hot pictures of Kate. And if your dinner table isn’t the kind of place where you can casually bring up Kate’s boobs shining through her wet t-shirt, find a new dinner table.

Our brains are so not capable of handling this right now. It’s 2012, we’re waiting to see what’s up with the myriad doomsday theories going on, we can barely focus on what porn films are coming out next week, and Kate Upton is giving us sneak previews of what the 2013 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue holds in store. How are we supposed to think straight when her nipples are visible through that inner tube? Also, that is not a swimsuit, Kate Upton. That’s an inner tube.

In favor of the hand-bra. Naturally, it’s a good look for her. And this is of course another pairing with dirty Uncle Terry. He must have seen her goods by now; we only hope she lets him pull the trigger so we can all indulge!

We had a feeling that Terry Richardson didn’t just invite Kate Upton over to learn the Cat Daddy from her. He definitely took the chance to put her in a variety of bras and take her picture a bunch of times. Thank goodness for the half-translucent bra that he (or perhaps she) chose for the occasion, it has made the day complete.

The women who taught you how to Dougie is back with another hot dance for you to master: the Cat Daddy. Millions of people have learned how to shake their respective butts thanks to Kate Upton, and now millions more shall have the image of her bikini-clad boobs bouncing around forever burned into their respective brains. Will this transmit dancing skills? Yes it will.

We want to sit here and spend some quality time ogling the nipple that is clearly visible beneath Kate Upton’s tanktop, but we are quite distracted by the man hugging her while wearing a fanny pack and the headband that matches his shorts. We’re guessing he’s a photographer; that is the only excuse for his intrusion.

Let’s examine the evidence: every day, it seems like we uncover a new picture of them, their beautiful curves encouraging us to ogle and admire. Wherever we turn, there they are–as if they’re following us, or seeking us out or something. If there’s any other explanation for this crazy phenomenon, we can’t imagine what it might be…but Kate’s boobs, if you’re wondering, we totally like like you as well.

Yesterday we reported that Kate Upton was (sort of) topless on the cover of Muse Magazine. Now we’ve seen the full photo spread, and we’re pleased to report that she’s (kind of) naked!

In a technical sense, this is in fact a photo of beloved model Kate Upton posing topless…but in a more real sense, it’s just a very, very cleavagey photo of our dear Kate. Nevertheless, we can’t help but wonder if the cover shot is a tease for a bigger reveal within the pages of Muse Magazine.

Yesterday, the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue accidentally shipped early and the world found out that Kate Upton is the lucky cover star. The surprise was definitely ruined, but what do we care for surprises when we have tons of photos of Kate Upton strolling the shore in various states of clothedness?