Now that the two major American adult expositions are held a week away from each other, and the same group of people feels compelled to go to both, and no one gets any sleep, we thought we’d combine some lovely candid shots from both events.

Don’t dismiss this fine bit of revenge bondage simply because it has “50 Shades” in the title. Instead, revel in a porn rarity: People saying real stuff!

We may not always understand why Julie Simone ties up women, binds, restrains, pinches, flogs, suspends, and submerges them, but we know she does it well.

With a title like “Ashley Loves Julie,” you’d expect a credits montage featuring a quasi-lesbian romp a la “Laverne & Shirley” rather than a stark cold open of one woman mercilessly slapping another’s “fat tits” around. But I don’t watch much television anymore.

“Do you like the way Mommy fucks you with a strap-on?” is a line we never thought we’d hear again after our failed audition for “The Wonder Years.” But Julie Simone says it to poor, tortured Davey.

Julie Simone’s “Bound Rubber Dolls” is really a lifestyle purchase for our new austere times; we watch as lovely women attempt to writhe out of impossible restraints, the sellable goods only hinted at, in an orgy of mutual deprivation.

Believe it or not, what comes out of our beloved porn stars’ mouths is often more compelling than what goes in. In fact, while breasts may sag and nuts will deflate, words remain everturgid. Next time you watch a porn movie, count how many times you hear “Fuck!” and “Shit!”

You don’t have to read YA fiction to know women can be cruel to one another: just looks at what Vannah Sterling does to Julie Simone in “Vicious Strap-On Bitches.” Simone is one of the most demure people I know personally, but get her behind a strap-on or inside a

We are better people when we don’t, upon hearing a close friend’s sexual fetish, do a spit take (unless our friend gets off on spit takes). That is why we approached this Hegar Sound Set with respect and fascination. The sound fetish, in which rods of increasing circumference are inserted

When will Ariel X ever learn? Surely she did something to so infuriate titan-breasted dominatrix Summer Cummings. Whether whipping Ms. X, fucking her with a condomed foot, or going all “Mommie Dearest” with some wire hangers, Cummings shows no mercy. Who says that dominatrices have no sense of humor? Lots

If you are a strong black man like me, doubtless you are wondering where you were when the first two episodes of “Interracial MILF Orgy” were released. But don’t trip, Boo: it’s good that you just chilled until this episode. Today’s milves are looking more and more like yesterday’s porn

“Get me wet!” said Birthday Girl Sunset Thomas, who turns 37 today, and we did. It turns out that’s not what she meant. People should be more specific about what they want. Like that time Birthday Girl Julie Simone, who turns 35 today, said “Bring your girlfriend over dressed in

You will not be surprised to learn that the world of bondage is rule-bound, codified, and an ideological battleground. “People don’t have to use foul language and scream,” says bondage impresario Julie Simone of Aiden Starr in “Breaking Berlin,” in which Starr and Simone differ on the best way to

Life upon the wicked stage ain’t never what a girl supposes: Stagedoor Johnnies aren’t raging over you with gems and roses! When you let a feller hold your hand (which Means an extra beer or sandwich), Everybody whispers, “Ain’t her life a whirl?” – Oscar Hammerstein II Sorry to burst