Jesse Jane is a superstar romance novelist whose books have been burning up the shelves and filling the fantasies of countless readers, but her life lacks the passion she writes about. A gal can only scribble sexy ideas down for so long before they start to seep into her brain, and Jesse has reached the point where she’s desperately craving real, fleshy, nasty human contact.

The other thing about butt sex is that it’s always fun to watch. First of all, juicy asses are just fantastic to watch bouncing around the place. And assholes are such tight yet elastic little places that are fascinating to watch expand. So everybody remember, go slow and use plenty of lube and have fun!

There is something so uniformly appealing about each of the women selected for Elegant Angel’s “Best New Starlets 2013″ that it almost works against them. Each is brunette or raven-haired and tiny–except Anikka Albrite–and three of them get fucked by Manuel Ferrara: Lucky Bastard.

Where is Kayden’s man? Why did she get butt-dialed by his phone and hear the sounds of fierce, wet fucking? And why is it that booty calls can get you a bird but bird calls never get you booty?

Sometimes us porn bloggers feel bad. Not like, morally bad, but like we should’ve majored in something useful in college. Imagine if we had studied alternative energy! Then we could be the ones doing all this deep anal drilling and preventing the next ice age from showing up next Tuesday. These people are the real heroes!

We’ve never really wished we were a loofah before. It just hadn’t crossed our minds as one of the ideal inanimate objects we’d like to shapeshift into. But after seeing what kinds of amazing funtimes one can have with Jessie Rogers’s unbelievable ass, we’re gonna concentrate extra hard on turning ourselves into pillowy mounds of mesh.

You know those times when you get a slice of pizza that’s so greasy that you have to dab it with a pile of napkins before you’ll feel comfortable taking a bite? Yeah, don’t try that here. If anybody sees you dab at the puddle in the small of Asa Akira’s back, you’re getting hit with a Super Soaker full of baby oil.

This Brazilian cutie with a bodacious booty has only been in the industry for a year or so, and she’s used that time wisely, seducing every viewer who finds her work, making us all want to squeeze them cheeks, spread ‘em, and bury our faces in between. We don’t mean to be vulgar, but Jessie inspires honesty in us!

Little known fact: the exclamation point was modeled after combined shape of pussy and ass as seen in the position that Samantha Saint is demonstrating in the picture above. There are no words bold enough to describe the beauty, excitement, and anticipation associated with such a sight, so new punctuation was born.

Even though the ever-vigilant Porno-Industrial Complex suggests that (it) is “Too Big for Teens,” these plucky youngsters prove both resilient and accommodating.

Youths! Lousy collagen-having, hormone-dripping, not-remembering-the-good-old-days youths! How dare they parade around in their respective birthday suits, touching each other in their no-no zones, and then passing around these images via DVD! We’re just grateful they’re not selling BluRays. You know the old saying: first come the BluRays, then comes dancing.

One of the major themes of the “Couples Seeking Teens” series is the transmission of secret knowledge from elder to junior, and in keeping with this tradition, this edition features a lot of couples soothing sore sweeties with sexual healing.

We often hear people discussing how porn is giving today’s youth unrealistic expectations about sex, and while we tend not to believe that bullmess, there is a grain of truth to it. You see boobs of all shapes and sizes in porn, but penises are pretty much enormous across the board, and these girls were expecting some crazy monster dicks when they signed up for “Too Big for Teens.”

We’ve always wondered why a thumb in the air earned people rides from strangers, but thanks to “Lesbian Hitchiker 4,” we’re now pretty sure that it’s an offer to finger the driver. “Look at how nice my hands are!” says the hitchhiker’s sign language. “Surely we can arrange a ride for a ride!”

Ah, cuteness, it’s such a complicated concept. Technically speaking, it’s deeply entwined with–shall we say–appearing young, but we’ll forget about that for now. All that matters now is Riley Reid, her four friends, and the things they can do with their mouths.

How does the quote go? “Beauty is ass, ass beauty — that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know”. Ah, that’s right. And if ass-beauty is all we need to know, then we’re in pretty good shape.

The gauzy cinematography and Kenny G-lite (that’s right: imagine Kenny G but lite) soundtrack might suggest a different title than “Finger Lickin’ Girlfriends,” but Whatever.