Sometimes we feel like nothing is as honest as a great porn zinger like “If You’re Not Going To Wear The Pants Around Here, Let Me Take Mine Off!”. It’s like when you’re talking dirty and you admit things you would never admit in “real life” (real life being the time you spend not fucking, which when you think about it doesn’t really add up, because nothing feels realer than fucking, are we wrong?).

We’ve been on somewhat of a Jennifer White hype these last few days, and when we realized that we never wrote a Friday Five about her, we decided this would be the perfect way to cap off the week. We’re getting down and dirty with this Agoura Hills girl, despite the fact that we don’t know where Agoura Hills is.

What is Jules Jordan trying to say here? We ask because it seems like they’re implying that you can be overburdened by butt sex, and we’ve never felt that before. Never have we said, “That’s enough gaping jizz-filled assholes for one day!” but perhaps we haven’t allowed ourselves to freely gorge on such visions. Can one reach a limit of anal enjoyment? There’s only one way to find out.

Jennifer White has retired from the lap dancing game and is looking forward to settling down with her boyfriend, Dane Cross, and starting a new career, but somewhere in the recesses of her soul, she knows stripping will always be a part of who she is. Furthermore, it will always be a part of her relationship, for Dane can never forget the first time he saw her on stage.

We don’t know what kind of dastardly dude would break up with Jennifer White, but that’s the premise we’re working with here. But, looks like she and her pussy get the last laugh, because this fellow she’s taken up with really fingerbangs from the heart. Suck on that, ex-BF!

Most low-budget weekend porn parodies have no choice but to look like they were made in a weekend, especially since Porn Valley has been on parody rations for the last several years. But “Family Guy XXX” is a pleasant exception.

…what really matters is that we are watching the Dawn of Man here, and White is enough to give anyone a monolith.

We like facials, but we’d pay good money to watch a movie in which Katie St. Ives turns on the bullet time and barrel rolls away from the fat ropes of jizz that are flying through the air towards her face. Anyway, that’s not this movie. This is about women who face their facials with bravery, and we are about to conscientiously objectify them.

Every once in a while, there comes a porn so shocking, so mind blowing, so wrong…that, well, you know it had to be put together by Lee Roy Myers. Yes, the man who brought you Marge and Homer getting it on has done it again, this time bringing “Family Guy” to porny life. (Although, we have to admit, this one is a little more obvious as XXX source material).

You’d think that since Jennifer White is a high school senior that she’d have a car by now (or at least drive to school with her boyfriend), but she insists on taking the schoolbus. It’s probably because bus driver Evan Stone bends her over the seats and pounds her pussy before class. It’s probably definitely that.

Here, with a well-lubricated cock slipping around her palms and being teased and stroked by her fingers, Jennifer White is a world-class pianist who can play entire concertos using only one big, white (well, pinkish) key. And did you see what she’s doing to the tip of his cock? Dear

Riley Steele and Breanne Benson are competitive sisters. If Breanne starts playing soccer, Riley has to do it, too. If Riley sucks a cock, Breanne has to suck three. Obviously, this can escalate quickly, and all of the boys want to be there when it happens. The symmetry these sisters

When you’re in piledriver position with a cock in your ass, it’s hard to think of things that could possibly make you come harder. Fortunately for Jennifer White, McKenzee Miles is there to lovingly rub her clit. It’s moments like these that make us feel positive about porn and the

When her fiancee gets cold feet before their wedding, Alektra Blue seeks the counsel of sassy, condom-only girlfriends in Wicked’s “Breaking Up.” And what do they suggest? Some fucking. Alektra Blue’s body is a miracle of science and we would bounce quarters off it if another substance weren’t so readily

What do the slasher movies of the 80′s promise but not deliver? Extended footage of boobs. The giddy “Wet Dream on Elm Street” compensates with enough senseless nudity so that you’ll never have to think of Englund again. A Wet Dream on Elm Street Director: Lee Roy Myers Starring: Anthony

Lee Roy Myers and Tom Byron, the dream team that brought you the critically-acclaimed “The Human Sexipede,” have put their heads together once more to bring us… Freddy Krueger with dildo fingers? Stick with us, folks, this movie is going to be spectacular (and we’re the only ones with the

It’s not easy being naked in public; that is, unless you’re Jennifer White, who loved every minute of shooting for Hustler’s Teasers. “It was very liberating and, yes, it definitely turned me on to know I could be caught at any moment.” Oh, Jennifer, you’re such a bad influence on

It’s the fifth film in this series, so you ought to know how these work by now: office romance creates nothing but drama, and drama creates nothing but wild, hungry rimming in the storage closet. The cycle continues. When Magdalene St. Michaels got a new partner at her law firm,

These days, if you’re not working two summer jobs and an unpaid internship, you’re never going to get anywhere. That’s why Jenna Haze enrolled in Tommy Gunn’s Afterschool Cock Sucking Program; she’s going to learn real world skills! Yes, to us Jenna Haze is a world renowned sexual sorceress, raising